Tuesday, June 26, 2007

You Can Take The Girl Outta The Beach, But You Can't Take The Beach Outta The Girl. True Dat, Beach!


Whatever happened to that perky little surfer girl we all grew to know and love? Did she suffer a horrible fate from a tragic hair dye overdose? Admit it, it's more than a little schizo to go from bubbly blond on the movie screen to bouncy brunette on your TV show. In my mind, I like to envision that one day Gidget happens upon a group of pre-EMO girls laying about all glazy-eyed on the beach, toking it up, and listening to the Rolling Stone's 'Sympathy For The Devil.' Annoyed by her endless sparkly chatter, and spontaneous singing of the Beach Boy's Greatest Hits, they punish Gidget with the worst bikini strap snapping Malibu has ever seen. It was the 'SNAP!' heard round the world. Huh, apparently, not everybody wishes they could be California Girls.

Nobody else could surf like the amazing Gidget. Where else can you freakin stand still on top of a surfboard while a sunny ocean backdrop scene plays behind you to give the appearance that you're actually in the water? Yeah, I could get my fat arse up surfing too with a few cinematic tricks and gravitational miracles. Ain't nobody going to mistake me for a Little Surfer Girl, though. Go on a Surfin Safari with Gidget? Sure, let me get my gun. So, Paula Cole wonders, 'Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?', but I'm insatiably curious as to 'Where Have All The Gidgets Gone?' Did she marry that lame duck, Moondoggie, and spawn a whole gaggle of preening and useless beach bums? Did she make a pact to sell her soul in exchange for becoming an immortal beach bunny? What? And then, while cruising through H-Town last week, all of my Gidget questions gained an immediate answer.
Gidget Goes Houstonian! Instead of 'Beach Blanket Gidget,' she now stars in 'Red Realtor Jacket Gidget,' along with it's sequel 'Straight Up 6% Gidget!' Yes, Gidgets alive and well! If you consider selling real estate in an over saturated housing market trapped in a downward spiral, alive and well.

I wonder if she shows houses in her old, termite-damaged Woody with surfer boy Jack Johnson cranked up on the antiquated stereo system? Listening to Jack Johnson loses you any coolness points you may have once had, Gidget. Does she still wear her teeny-weeny, ruffled bikini underneath her modest realtor uniform so that she can peel it off and go running to the beach at a moment's notice? Oh wait, we live an hour away from the oil contaminated, grungy waters of the Gulf Of Mexico. Maybe she doesn't mind swimming with the debris and brown submarines floating in Houston's famed bayou system? The only Surf that Gidget will find around Houston sits on a shelf at the local grocery store's cleaning aisle. Surf laundry detergent doesn't come with a surfing board. No. Instead, it's usually used in conjunction with an ironing board.

Oh Gidget, California Dreaming on such a Houston day.

30 comments:

Jean Knee said...

I don't know, if that backdrop was fake the whole set could have been fake. Which means maybe Gidget never even got to sea the actual ocean. One thing that is real though: the sacchriney taste lodged in the back of your throat after watching an episode.

Also I'm first

BarnGoddess said...

ewww, Ive been anti-gidget my entire life. Bubbly people make me wanna barf.

Gidget does odl ladt diaper commericals now, didnt ya see them on the boobtoob?

BarnGoddess said...

that was old lady diapers...my 3yo is helping me type...

emma jo said...

I want to know what kind of therapy was involved in going from the habit wearing aero-nun to a scantily clad surfer chick...or vice versa, I'm not up on my Sally history. I just know I love her, I really really love her.

Sketchy said...

I am sad to admit I'm Gidget deprived. I would have sort of recognized the name as an old tv movie type thing but could not have put a picture to it. After this clever post though I'm really wishing I was up on the Gidgetosity.

Kimberly said...

Oh my. Memories.

Tori :) said...

I LOVED Gidget... So fun.

aubrey said...

i really, really loved gidget. i mean, it's not realistic but they definitely were fun, lighthearded movies to watch. and. i really like any movie with the ocean and surfing in it. seriously. even fake ocean.

but poor gidget, reduced to selling real estate in houston. at least she's selling houses with pools in them. so she can tear off her real estate uniform and demonstrate how to fake surf in them while wearing her bikini. hot stuff, she is.

Suzanne said...

Hahahaha! Old special effects are just too much! Oh, poor Gidget having been reduced to selling real estate! ;)

Amanda said...

Actually Gidget is now seen on TV advertising drugs for Osteoporosis. She's gone from glam on the beach (or at least a fake beach set in Hollywood) to old and decrepit. Getting old sucks!

Naughty, Naughty Millie said...

I loved it when Gidget was Gump's mom. "Gidget, you don't sleep with the school principal much, do ya?"

EE! EE! EE! EE! EE!

Nicole said...

freakin' hilarious. Loved your blog!

Melissa said...

I'm afraid I've never been blessed enough to see a Gidget movie or t.v. show. Now I feel totally deprived. I wonder if I can get some Gidget goodness in my Netflix queue?

No Cool Story said...

I have not been American long enough to know much about this Gidget y'all speak so fondly about.
I do know who she is, but never watched anyhting with her that I know.
I'm ready to learn EWBL" The Brown wave and all that.

Elizabeth-W said...

I love Gidg!!! (both versions)
She is so stinkin' cute, and so was her dad.
I love that pic of Houston. I can just feeeel the wetness. My uncle and cousin are coming out in August to go rafting--they're gonna dry out like litte rattlesnakes when they hit the dry mountain air! :)

Chris said...

By your account, my coolness points have been seriously docked.

Jack Johnson is *GASPY GASP!* not that bad.

jams o donnell said...

LOL ewvbl.. Gidget was never shown here but I did wonder if she may have gone the way of the Diffrent strokes girl. Being an Estate Agent (what we call realtors here) is better I suppose but she shpuld have become an accountant!

Toni said...

HA! What amazes me is that 'Gidget' is now doing Boniva commercials. She may be in her 60's, but I still think she is beautiful!

Carrot Jello said...

I've never seen a "Gidget" movie. I've seen that actress in the "Tammy" movies, but never as "Gidget". Who came up with that name anyway?

Jennifer B. said...

Mystery solved.

Detective Elastic, you are amazing.

Jean Knee said...

Elastic you're going to have to work up a tutorial on Gidget. So many trusting people have not seen her movies.
For Carrot: Girl Midget=Gidget
I think her handsome beau Moondoggie coined that sweet little name

omar said...

I'd think Gidget would be big-ticket enough to have her own real estate company, not to just be a pawn for Keller Williams.

carronin said...

I never knew Sally Field was the TV Emo Gidget that's funny.

jedimacfan said...

So, you like her? You REALLY like her?

wendela said...

My friend Gina has had the real nickname "Gidget" for all of her life. She may now be a relation to your Texas Gidget, unfortunately, since she's moved to central Calif and became a real estate loan broker. The film Gidget changed things for the "real" CA surfers, but that's another story. Beaches that had a dozen people suddenly had hundreds after the movies. I was young enough I still liked the movies, though (and the Sally Fields pre-"Flying Nun" series). For the record, I still have my old board, I still s*ck, but I still try. Happy Summer, elastic! Oh, if only Lloyd hadn't intruded.... :)

Anna Maria Junus said...

Gidget joined a convent and learned to fly.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Yes, Anna Maria, and now she's part of a gang of rogue nuns who roller derby under the name, 'The Holy Rollers.'

wendela- I thought you would comment on the new Ryan Adams song I had playing yesterday. Now, I'm going to sulk the rest of the day.

For anybody that's new here, I work at one of my many jobs from Tuesday to Thursday morning, so it makes my blog time non-existent. Don't take it personally. No comment gets left behind or forgotten, and I'll be returning the comment love slowly but surely!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Oh, and Chris about Jack Johnson, yes he is about as uncool as you can get. Want proof? Do an informal poll of all the Mormon women around and ask them what's on their iPOD. Go on, I dare you. Will they say KORN? Probably not. Will they say Lacuna Coil? Highly doubtful. 9 times out of 10, they're going to say 'Jack Johnson! Squeeeeeee!' A certain Miss Emma Jo listed above even has 'Banana Pancakes' as a ringtone.

Yeah, I just outed you, Emma Jo. Whatchoo gonna do bout it, huh?

scienceteachermommy said...

I grew up on Gidget. My lifetime dream is still to become a surfer girl. My first Ken doll looked exactly like Moondogie. Complete with surfer shorts and a pink board. He was one of those old school Ken dolls--no plastic underwear. *Sigh* He was my first love.

b. said...

I didn't get into Gidget. But I do get beachy at least once a month.