I didn't want to move in any closer to capture this Kodak moment and startle my droopy man boob prey. So, you'll have to put on your bifocals to examine the minute details of this picture......if you dare.
What is that white stuff caked all over him, you may ask? Is it tribal warrior markings? Is he a fallout victim from a Liquid Paper factory explosion? Did he get run over by a county truck painting median lines on the road? No. Why, it's nothing but 100% genuine bird crap! Yes, Rip Van Winkle awoke from his slumber with a long flowing beard and tattered clothes. But Houston's very own Tit Van Tinkle will arise from his stupor to find himself being used as a human Port-A-Potty for the entire avian population situated around his home. He had a lit cigarette smoldering in between his fingers too. I would expect nothing less from him.
I wonder what he's dreaming about while the birds line up on the tree branches above to take a dump on him? Maybe he always had aspirations of living life as an immobile park statue? Perhaps he's silently humming a little B.J. Thomas tune? "Bird Poop Keeps Falling On My Head.........."