Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Even Sleeping Beauty Had A Special Shield To Keep Bird Poop Off Her

I didn't want to move in any closer to capture this Kodak moment and startle my droopy man boob prey. So, you'll have to put on your bifocals to examine the minute details of this picture......if you dare.

What is that white stuff caked all over him, you may ask? Is it tribal warrior markings? Is he a fallout victim from a Liquid Paper factory explosion? Did he get run over by a county truck painting median lines on the road? No. Why, it's nothing but 100% genuine bird crap! Yes, Rip Van Winkle awoke from his slumber with a long flowing beard and tattered clothes. But Houston's very own Tit Van Tinkle will arise from his stupor to find himself being used as a human Port-A-Potty for the entire avian population situated around his home. He had a lit cigarette smoldering in between his fingers too. I would expect nothing less from him.

I wonder what he's dreaming about while the birds line up on the tree branches above to take a dump on him? Maybe he always had aspirations of living life as an immobile park statue? Perhaps he's silently humming a little B.J. Thomas tune? "Bird Poop Keeps Falling On My Head.........."

23 comments:

Tori :) said...

Looks like my car...
Great shot. You could totally be a paparazzi guy, er...girl.

Amber said...

"Droopy man boob prey." You are an evil captor, my dear....

BarnGoddess said...

oh my gawd!

ewwwwwy

you should be one of those private detectives that spies on cheating spouses. You'd be good at it :)

b. said...

I can't see it.....but great csi work.

Amanda said...

Ewwww!! I woke up one day to find bird poop on our front room window. The birds have it out for me, first it was my car, now my house. They really had to aim for this one though because of the large overhang above said window.

Melissa said...

I know you hate the whole lol thing, so what do you want us to say when we really DO laugh out loud at a post?
I might get a copy of this photo, frame it and send it to my brother who thinks he shouldn't finish college - just wants to lounge around for the rest of his life. Yep. I think this photo could be very motivational!

Chris said...

Bird poop is evil. I don't know about you but the brids here in Malaysia have a special "mix". It stinks. It corrodes. It friggin' makes me mad!

Toni said...

Are you sure he's not dead? I think he's dead. I wonder- was the poop warm or cold when it hit him? Wouldn't that wake you up?




p.s.- I updated my contest- check it out man!

Suzanne said...

I agree with Toni! Is that guy dead? How could you be so out of it that you didn't feel bird poop splattering all over you? Or at least smell it? Ew!!!! Great timing to get that great picture, Elastic! (Oh, and I guess great timing with the birds too!) :D

No Cool Story said...

Droopy man boob,
With bird poop on his man boobs,
Sleeping,
Under a tree,
With a cigarrete in his fingers.

Wow Elastic, I bet you could sell this picture for some serious dough. This picture it's as unique as they come. 1 in a million really.

Lauren said...

This is an amazing photo! I once walked home with a boy I had a crush on in the 5th grade and while we were walking a pidgeon crapped on my head. I was ashamed I ran away.

on.the.run said...

In England (according to my husband) it is considered good luck when a bird poops on you, I think that some one made this up too make a person who got crapped on feel better. I can't see how getting pooped on can in any way relate to good luck.

Also an interesting fact I learned this semester: bird poop contains the bird's pee as well as its poo, birds do not pee.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

NCS inspired me.

Droopy poopy boobs
Shouldn't be seen on menfolk
Womenfolk either

Kimberly said...

I squinted at the picture.

And instantly regretted it.

Jean Knee said...

Do you know this man? If that's your dad and he reads your blog you are in deep poop- bird or other

Lei said...

Nu-huh!

Elizabeth-W said...

I just like "Tit" Van Winkle. I can hear Beavis and Butthead laughing, somewhere....

Radioactive Jam said...

Gotta wonder if it was even fresh; could be from like, a week earlier and he just didn't notice and/or care.

Yum!

Annie said...

Maybe sitting in the front yard, shirtless, with your manboobs exposed for God and all His chidren to see, letting the birds crap on you, is alot better fate than being in the house with a crabby wife.

aubrey said...

yeah. that's gross. i was sitting in traffic today and this seagull pooped on this girl who was walking down the street. she was really embarrassed and looking all around her to see if anyone saw. and i was sitting in my car giggling. how mean am i?

p.s. that guy looks like my grandpa.

Burg said...

That's hilarious!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Okay, these were some of the funniest comments I've ever read. You all made me LOL fo reals!

Here's the deal, yo. I was out throwing papers with my son when we happened across the distinguished gentleman. We noticed the bird crap right away as he was being pelted by a fresh round as he lay there with his eyes closed. He woke up for a moment, took a drag on his cigarette, then went back to his napping duties. Yeah, we sat there watching him for a couple minutes because we're bird poop victim stalkers like that. So then I remembered my camera and I felt safe enough in my truck to take the picture.......from a distance. The man reamined motionless.

Maybe bird poop has some sort of skin nourishing properties that we know nothing about? Perhaps that was a Bird Poop Skin Clarifying Day Spa and the sleeping guy is really a client? One things for sure, the birds haven't hit the local berry farm for a quick snack. Ummmm, you can tell those things by looking at poop. They haven't eaten any corn recently either. :)

Melody said...

I guess it's true: everything's bigger in Texas - poop, man boobs...