We returned home last week to find this enterprising solicitation fastened to our door handle. Now, I'm sure that Edwin Lopez is a very nice young man, but his letter seeking out new landscaping clientele concerned me.
Yes, Edwin must have somehow found out about our super secret Infidel food storage stash and he wants to come and claim it for himself. We have six mini-Infidels eating us out of house and home- why should we share our bounteous wheat blessings with Edwin just because he mows our lawn? I wonder if he's a picky wheat eater? I mean, could I safely trust him around our Cream Of Wheat supply and Wheat Thin crackers, or does his wheat appetite demand freshly ground primo wheat only? I don't know if I feel safe anymore with a self-professed wheat eater prowling the streets of the neighborhood. Maybe we should invest in some heavy padlocks to keep our wheat storage from being violated by wheat-obsessed Edwin?
Edwin blows. Hey, he even says so right on his own letter!