While I sat, perched at the computer last week, my oldest daughter, Sunbum, nosily peered over my shoulder so she could read my iTunes play list. Of course, the only thing she noticed immediately was the one marked with a bright red 'Explicit' next to it. Sunbum asked me, "Mom, whys that song marked expliSHIT?" After I got done laughing at her ironic gaffe, I explained that objectionable language probably earned the track an explicit rating.So, yesterday, as we're frolicking through Michael's Craft Store for yet more ribbon to add to my ever-growing, obscenely massive ribbon collection, Sunbum suddenly shouts to me from a couple aisles away, "Hey Mom! Do you know how to CROTCH-STITCH?!!??"
Well, if I did, I could have sewn myself back together after her very painful birth. Now, that's expliSHIT!
31 comments:
Gee, woman! You're on a roll today and you've got me LOL!!! :D
Bahaaaaa! Love it!
All I got today.
I just can't tell you how profoundly happy that crotch-stitch makes me. . . I just can't stand it!! You're a goddess.
Absolutely frickin hilarious!!!!
You have a potty mouth 44-45. I am very surprised. What happened to gay tuesday? My husband wants me to demand that you blog about gay tuesdays.
LOL! That's awesome. That's like when Taj says "sticks" his "st" sounds like "d." So often he'll come from outside and say "Mom, look at my big (d)ick I found!!" Hmmm...
I love that. It's oddly soothing and disturbing at the same time.
LOL. In fact too hard and loud to write much. I love kids.
LOL. That comment makes me glad I had a c-section. I don't want any crotch stiches!!
Oh...ouch. Just....ouch.
My friend and I were just talking about the pains of childbirth yesterday. Her cousin just gave birth to a baby girl and the husband of said cousin remarked "On baby movies, they only show the part where the baby comes out, but they never show you the plumbing afterwards. All the stuff that comes out, it's like cleaning a drain."
I'm offended that the miracle of birth had to be thus dirti-fied but I am also too queasy to argue. Eww...just,....ew.
Yes. Yes it is.
When Oli was 3 he was playing 'catch' with this little girl. He kept saying 'catch catch' but sound sound like he was saying 'bitch bitch.' It was pretty funny.
Syar, that was gaggy, that mental image. blechhhh
Elastic, how did you respond?
Oh my. I am not looking forward to the day when I get a crotch-stich.
You are my ribbon collection twin, Elastic! Now tell me, is that "Crotch Stitch" for real at the top or did you borrow NCS's mad photo editing skills? :D
I can't help butt notice there are some cleverly concealed words in there
Good grief! The language of children today!
Cheers
I can't even think of anything to say. I'm in too much pain thinking of the crotch stitch...
Critch stitch, LOL now you have lost for words ewbl. I simply can't top that!
That was just so perfect. Innocence unveiled.
Crotch-stich...BWAAAHHAAAAHAAAAAAAA
(and yes I did make a sound remarkably like that just a moment ago, it's not just a internet throwout there...it's real, real lol-ingness.)
I was listening to Glen Beck in the bathroom while putting on my makeup. Mini Me came in just as he said "crap." Mini Me said,
"Mom, that man said crap, isn't that a bad word?"
My answer?
"It is if you are a 6 year old girl."
She must make you proud beyond your wildest dreams.
:)
hahaha! this was funny.
I do not want any crotch stitch or itch or whatever either.
I am laughing my fool black boot off over here. I LOVE that cross stitch picture! It closely resembles the one I'm going to put beside my front door that says, "Keep your pants on and zipped up" for when my kids start dating!
How's that for explishit?
*Dating other people, not each other
I've been working all the live, long day. Not on a railroad, though, mind you.
Dick Payne- I'll dedicate a very special Gay Tuesday to you and your man next week. Make sure you're wearing your best Brokeback Mountain attire for the big event!
elizabeth- I didn't say anything because I was laughing too hard. Poor Sunbum knew immediately that her embarrassing moment was future blog post fodder.
suzanne- One day I'll take a picture of my ribbon booty and we'll see who's the Ribbon Champion once and for all!
The Den Of Iniquity cross-stitch is real. A lady posted it on flickr and said that she made a comment to her neighbor how amusing it would be to have one and so her neighbor made it for her bedroom. It has prancing bunnies on it. For her bedroom. Get it? That just makes it even funnier to me.
Sunbum is quickly catching up in the dorky department with my son who's known for 'Toby Juan Kenobi' and 'Dancing With Crotches.'
oh your little sunbum, that is hilarious! did she shock any old crafty ladies in michael's?
Too funny! That's a great post. I should probably pay more attention to all the funny mis-pronunciations my 2 year old has. I'm sure there's some good ones!
For the record, the song with the explishit label is right here on my very playlist. It isn't the song itself, but the CD its on that was marked. It's Robbie Williams "lovelight.' I know want people to think I'm even nastier than what I am. I feel secure enough in my street cred.....
millie- Dating. Hmmmm. Well, you were complaining about how they don't get along. That might solve it.
aubrey- I was on the ribbon aisle and Sunbum was in the main area by the register picking through their dollar clearance Mary Engelbreit cross-stitches. I'm glad my mom didn't/couldn't blog all the times I mis-spoke.
steph- We're talking about a 12 year old here. She just inherited my dork genes. Two days ago I told the kids that I brushed my butt twice twice in the shower. :(
I'm here to report that your blog is still PG, becuase of dick (2x) poop (1x).
ExpliSHIT tunes on yo' iTunes? Asplain yo'self.
Post a Comment