Saturday, July 07, 2007

Why Hallmark And American Greetings Called Security When I Tried To Sell Them My Card Ideas

A fit of wild inspiration hit me this week and I elected to parlay that into some dandy little homemade postcards for my Good Mail Girl peeps.

Infidel Tip Of The Day: Remember to always, no matter how secure of your writing talents, proofread. Always. Today, I sat addressing the cards to send them off to their new homes when I noticed a horrifying glitch on one of them.
This cheeky little card represents how I feel about the cheeseball inspirational stickers that came lodged in the middle of my value pack stickers featuring funky tank tops and lip gloss. I didn't want the stickers to go to waste, but I also felt a need to protect the snark credibility that only a true Smiling Infidel can accumulate. What to do? What to do? So, I slapped them onto this piece of cut-out posterboard and wrote adorable, feel good phrases underneath. What exactly is the problem then, you may ask? Take a looksie at the bottom left corner. It reads, "Hi, What's New?" and I finished it off with a delightful response of "This Weird Looking PUSSY Sore. Want To Come Closer To Look At It?"

Nuh-Uh, that's just all kinds of wrong. I intended it to mean PUSSY as in 'PUS-FILLED,' not like actual, you know, PUSSY. Don't worry, I modified the sentence this morning so none of the pure and mild Good Mail Girls will have to explain to their family why a stranger would inexplicably invite them to come take a close look at their weird PUSSY sore.

34 comments:

Elizabeth-W said...

O My Holy Hannah!! I saw that P word before I read the rest of the post! I was laughing so hard. I knew what you meant, and that you probably did it on purpose :)
But you're saying you didn't....hmmmm. What is the truth? You did it, thought it was funny, then second-guessed.

b. said...

Yes, this happens in medical charting as well. One of the Pediatricians was reading the chart and busted out laughing. We then were instructed to chart 'with pus' or 'pus-filled'.

mom2princess said...

Way to funny!

Jean Knee said...

hmmmmm

Kimberly said...

Oh heck...I'm laughing out loud alone in the basement again.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

When we're playing Mad Libs, I always write it "pus-y". :)

I enjoyed my postcard very much by the way, as did Bri. We'll be sure to get in a roller skate/roller blade argument ASAP.

mcewen said...

Oh yes, you can never be too careful. Sometimes when you write something you sort of know it's wrong, the spell checker also tells you it's wrong although it has no alternatives for you that sound remotely reasonable, but for some reason you just can't string it together.
Glad there's lots of string in your household.
Cheers

Carrot Jello said...

I read that pussy postcard before I read your message, and thought, for a moment that you were not the kind of friend I should go blog visiting to. Shew, glad you said it was a mistake.

BarnGoddess said...

haha!

omg I am laughing like a fool.

here comes the nosey husband and now Ill have to explain the whole pussy sore thingy.

Melissa said...

I don't believe it was an accident. You just wanted to see if you could get us all to blush...

Nancy Face said...

OH, MY!!!!!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Okay, so I occasionally push the bounds of good taste, but never have I strayed into territory this flagrantly dirty. At least not on purpose. No, contrary to belief, this was completely UNintentional, and I only caught the potentially provocative wording when I went to address it.

I just consulted with an online thesaurus. So in the future when talking about PUS-FILLED sores I can now utilize the words 'secretion, discharge, amission, seeping, oozing, and excretion' without getting into trouble, getting excommunicated, or getting weird blog traffic goggling salacious search terms.

B.- Thanks yo, I feel like you got my back in defending my stance that sometimes accidents happen in the written form of English because of our many linguistic twist, turns, and exceptions/anomalies.

jams o donnell said...

I get to took at and pussy sores quite often but only when they've been figthing!

Radioactive Jam said...

Yet another prurient search string with destination: Smiling Infidel gets added to the Google database. Well done!

b. said...

Yes, that's right...I got your back. When the sore is filled with pus, fluid, and a touch of blood it is called purulent.
Your welcome for the wound lesson.

aubrey said...

i'm with melissa. you just did it to make us all blush! i'm one of those pure and mild good mail girls you refer to. though i just typed it milk instead of mild. ah, i did it again! so. i guess i'm milky too.

Anonymous said...

Come on Melissa, you know you love pussy. Maybe you are a lesbian subconsciencially.

mcewen said...

Are you on strike today or is it the day of rest in the infidel household?
Cheers

Mrs. Crybaby Jones said...

Uh oh, Anonymous found us out!!! Oh, to be "outed" in Blog Land!!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Or maybe I'm the biggest fan of Laverne And Shirley the natural world has ever known! I totally belive that they were only room mates.

All of my shirts and sweaters have a giant 'L' for Lesbian monogrammed on them too!

Glo said...

Holy hannah! That backfired a bit, didn't it?!

Crap Happy Mama said...

Hey anonymous, I can personally vouch for elastic that she's not a lesbian. Whenever we're together, laying on a blanket underneath a star-filled sky, while Rod Stewarts Greatest Love songs plays softly on the CD player...... all she can talk about is her stupid freakin blog!

Really, I don't know how she popped out six kids when she's so obsessed with her own blog.

mcewen said...

Dang [American swear word?] I get so many complaints about how my blog loads [slooooooowly] so I was wondering if you'd volunteer to test the almost very nearly ready site?
cheers [my email address is on my blogger profile [the easy route]

Julie said...

Yoiks! Tooo funny! (My favorite is the one in the middle....)

Did I ever send you that squirrel cartoon thing?

b. said...

Something went terribly wrong here....

Burg said...

Now I have no idea why those haven't caught on. I'd totally buy them. Is there a cheery card to let someone know their significant other is a jerk?

No Cool Story said...

Oh no. And just like that, your blog has gone to a "Rated X" my friend.

I read that on the top one, and I thouhgt "here's an American expression I have never heard before".

Carrot Jello said...

P.S., Why yes, I AM happy now.

Tori :) said...

YOu said PUSSY!! Bwahahaha!

Jean Knee said...

Wow, I stopped my stalking of elastic for one second and all that lesbian pussy crap hits the fan.
I didn't realize you were from Lesbos. are you a naturalized citizen or an artificial one?

jams o donnell said...

Not a scarlet letter I hope!

stefanie said...

Thank you SO much for explaining the nature of the...um...er...sore.
:)

aubrey said...

yay, i got my customized infidel postcard yesterday! thankfully free of pussy and pus-y typos. hooray!! how did you know i have a thing for metrosexual dinosaurs. hot stuff!

Rhonda said...

LOL...that's really funny. I have a friend you should send that to. She absolutely freaks out any time she hears that word...even if you aren't saying it in some XXX fashion.