Monday, August 27, 2007

Sweet Dreams Are NOT Made Of These! (Who Are You To Disagree?)

One week has already trickled past since my triumphant return from the great Colorado Bloggy Sistah Expedition of 2007. I didn't mention it before-hand while writing up all the details of our weekend hootenanny, but I experienced a strangely vivid dream about traveling to Colorado an entire week before Annie and Carrie called to invite me. Yes, I really did. I woke up snickering and thinking, "That's crazy. I never go anywhere, let alone dropping all my responsibilities to jet off to a state I've never been to, to meet women I've never met before." Eerily enough, true to the consistently pre-cognitive nature of my night time visions, things materialized in real life as they had unfolded in the dream.

Stephenie Meyer, author of the phenomenal Twilight Trilogy, wrote the first book based solely on a dream she had. Encouraged, I thought, "If only I could just concentrate and remember the stuff in my dreams with more detail, then maybe I can sell a lot of books and make a lot of money too."
It's disturbing, but I can't seem to stop dreaming about all my new blog friends turned real life friends. It's starting to creep me out. For instance, last night I dreamed of the whole lot of us taking a hay ride, pulled by a tractor, through a small town. It stopped at a little shopping mall and we all piled out to go inside. I noticed the three screen movie theater immediately and noted that the marquee showed movies entitled 'Infidel 1,' Infidel 2', and 'Infidel 3.' I excitedly remarked to NCS that I didn't know there was an Infidel movie series. Then Annie, NCS, and I wandered into a shop that specialized in Mexican candies and treats, and one whole wall exhibited an astonishingly colossal assortment of cotton candy flavors. We walked over and saw they had Golden Turkey Cotton Candy, which was sold out, and Carrot Cotton Candy. I'm assuming that the Carrot Cotton Candy tasted like a vegetable and not, in fact, like Carrot Jello. Earlier in the week, I dreamt of Carrie and the gang all gathered together at the hotel when a suspicious looking fellow with a large metal hook for a hand checked in. Later that night, I nervously asked Carrie if that was such a good idea to let him stay there and she erupted with a mischievous chuckle as she told me that she switched his hook hand for a harmless plastic hanger. Relieved, I went to sleep, only to wake up to blood-curdling screams as the man desperately tried to make Carrie part of his hook-handed urban legend, but was instead slashing the air with his new plastic hanger appendage in futile frustration.

It scared the crap out of me. My kids broke out laughing when I told them about it. My kids are weird.So there you have it. What say you? Do you think I can transform stomach-churning Cotton Candy flavors and tales of plastic hanger-handed serial killers into a best-selling literary series? Can I count on your support?

29 comments:

Nancy Face said...

Oh my goodness, the hangers!!! I would be first in line to buy your book!

Annie said...

The best dreams have hook hands and cotton candy in them.
I don't know about hangers, but I could be convinced to purchase some Infidel scented candles.

jams o donnell said...

Perhaps it would be worth naming the assailant Edward Coathangerhands and pitching the story to Tim Burton... Perhaps you could call it the (Infidel) Nightmare before Christmas or the Legend of Sleepy Houston?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

nancy face- Yay, the publisher can issue an order for at least two books. One for you and one for me. Unless, of course, you want to share it with me and split the cost.

annie- I think Al Pacino should star in the sequel I wrote to Scent Of A Woman. 'Scent Of An Infidel.' It has a happy ending when the characters rendezvous at the Platinum Secret deodorant factory.

jams- You clever lad, you! I'll give away free golden turkey flavored cotton candy at all the movie showings.

Special K ~Toni said...

I would buy a book written by you!

Bee said...

My Borders Bppkstpre has banned me so I'll have to shop Amazon but... heck yeah I'd be the first or 4th to buy the book!

b. said...

I can't interpret. But even I, who wasn't even there, have been dreaming about the bloggers in Colorado too. Weird.
I couldn't get into the Twilights but I might read something by you.

Lisa said...

If your books would be anything like your blog, I would bet--real money--that they would be a huge hit! I would buy it/them and tell the whole Houstonian family...since I already send them links to your blog.

Sadly, I am the queen of dreaming about the blog world and I know no one....I know...creepy.

Elizabeth-W said...

Yea for Jams!!
Glad to know I"m not the only one whose dream characters are MOLF.

Carrot Jello said...

Annie, Infidel scented candles?
I'd totally buy a book written by you. But then again, what stalker wouldn't?

Tori :) said...

Can I get an autographed copy?? You can't forget the little people.

glittersmama said...

Golden Turkey flavored cotton candy...maybe you could market that, and I won't have to cook Thanksgiving dinner this year!

Melissa said...

Count me in! I'd buy your book. I'm always looking for a good laugh :)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

toni- One personally autographed Infidel book for you!

BEE- Ooooh, that sounds like a great book all in itself.....Banned From Borders Bookstore. Or 'Crossing Borders.'

b.-Might? Might Read a book by me? I'll send it to you on tape so you won't have to actually read it. Sound good?

lisa- I've had dreams about blog poeple before even meeting them too. Well, it feels like we practically DO know them because we're reading personal details of their life. Right?

elizabeth- MOLF dreams beat those about my MIL or the IRS. In those dreams, I'm always SOL.

carrot- Infidel scented candles after I changed my urine soaked undies!

tori- I met you. Yeah, you are one of the little people. Or maybe that's just in comparison to the grossly gigundo people like I am.

glittersmama- Yes and a Willy Wonka Special Edition Golden Goose Cotton Candy flavor too!

melissa- I'm going to name the main character, Melissa, after you. I'll even put Melissa on the front cover of all the books, too! :)

Amanda said...

I'm sorry but I would not be first in line to buy the infidel scented candles. Not after reading about flatulence and love of chili dogs, nooooooo way! ;)

I've woken from dreams before and thought, hey I should write that down. That would make a really good movie. Wouldn't it be nice to make money off of our dreams!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Last night I dreamed of Ashton Kutcher. Hubby was the lucky recipient of my... um...

Anyway... now, what were we talking about?

Radioactive Jam said...

I'll gladly be a hanger-on. Or... well, something like that.

Though I prefer red licorice over cotton candy. Either way though is fine.

Kimberly said...

Not only do I promise to buy a copy. But I'll buy a whole crate and give 'em away as Christmas presents.

Get writing!

Kimberly said...

p.s. Any dreams about coming to Canada?

aubrey said...

i'll buy anything you write elastic.

and i had dreams about you guys the night after i met you. and the night after. so weird, and i thought i was the only one...

Stacey said...

Hey,those plastic hangers can be scary! You could hit someone on the head and give them a boo-boo and that is some serious business.

I heart cotton candy.

Jean Knee said...

he*l yeah I'd buy it, why I'd even let you give me a copy for free. that's the kind if blogger I am.

I was banned from Barnes and Noble- what's your story on that?

and I went as Joan Crawford on Halloween one year and carried a wire hanger

I ate cotton candy at the circus

this is all so amazing, I think we all must be linked together in some way.....

No Cool Story said...

Well my dear, where do you think the movies came from?
None other than from the best-selling literary series you are very much writing about this very day.

You've seen the future and it's bright.

PS: I wonder who's going to play me.
Hmm, how's going to play you?!?

PJ said...

would "hootenanny" be in the title of the book?

Kayelyn said...

Reserve for me at least 3 copies. One for me. One for my hubby. One for us to rent out;)

Chris said...

Please, please, have one character with my name. I'll pay good money.

Or copious amounts of cotton candy.

jams o donnell said...

Come and pick up an award!

sue said...

Full moon. That's all I'm sayin'...

Suzanne said...

Elastic, if you ever wrote a book, I would buy it sight unseen! :D