Monday, September 24, 2007

Double Dave- A Man And His Secret Alter Ego Revealed

What does famed soccer star and paparazzi whore media darling, David Beckham do on his days off?
Well, Mr. Metrosexual covertly ducks into a phone booth to tear off his soccer uniform- revealing the monochromatic violet shirt and tie combo underneath. Then he kisses Skeletal Posh Spice goodbye, and jets off to steamy Houston, Texas where his secret lair awaits......the corner office at a State Farm Insurance Agency.
When acting as a Secret Insurance Agent Man, that old chap, David Beckham drops the formality of his first name to fit in with the regular schmoes. Think about it- most people in sales go by Bob, Ray, Tim, Tony, Bill, Sue, Tom, and Chris instead of Robert, Raymond, Anthony, Timothy, William, Susanna, Thomas, and Christopher/Christine. It's just more casual that way, not to mention the money saved printing out business cards that charge by the letter. To complete his disguise, Dave Beckham even joined a bowling league and dines on the featured lunch special at TGI Friday's with his co-workers.

I guess his life getting paid to kick balls and play BFF to a crazy herd of Scientologists just wasn't all that fulfilling for him. Rumor has it that he's at the top of his game. Well, not the soccer game-he's been very injury-prone and lackluster in that field. But the man shines when he's in his element; selling insurance. I hear that he's the guest of honor at the Southwest Regional Insurance Agent Banquet at the Holiday Inn this year. Way to go Dave! You'll make red jacket status within the year at this rate.

43 comments:

Brian o Vretanos said...

I knew it had to be a cover for something - the braindead celeb bit was just too believable to be true.

And anyone who really had that much money would be able to afford a less hideous wife - you're right about the skeleton thing, finding her attractive is like an extreme form of necrophilia...

Nancy Face said...

Trust the Infidel to uncover his secret life! Haha, you crack me up! :D

Suzanne said...

"Secret Insurance Agent Man", not to be confused with "Secret Agent Man." I had no idea that Victoria Beckham was Posh Spice! I guess she's moved beyond wanting her guy to get with her friends! Hahahahaha! :D

Nancy Face said...

Thank you so much for the link! I feel honored! :D

Jean Knee said...

is she the same spice hag that was impregnated by eddie murphy?
that poor girl can't get a break

Tori :) said...

I had no idea. I may have to change insurance companies...

Diesel said...

Posh Spice looks like she had one of those gastric bypass surgeries where all the food goes into your boobs.

Annie said...

I have to admit to being completely won over by Mrs. Victoria Beckham. I loved her Bravo special.
When asked if there were any celebrities she didn't like, she said Eddie Murphy. Atta girl! Way to stick up for your scarey friend.

No Cool Story said...

Annie is a much better woman (and a better listener) than I'll ever be.

How come the State Farm Ins. Logo is not in red?
Interesante.

b. said...

I think he's hot.
But I don't get the whole LA celeb thing. He's an athlete.

I'm a convert to Vicki-Posh too. I really wanted to hate her, but she was just funny and smart. Smartly funny.

omar said...

Between you and me, I've got a little bit of a man crush on Becks. I mean, he's no Tiger Woods, but he's a good lookin' fellow (though I'm not a fan of all the tattoos).

Special K ~Toni said...

Are you sure he has a corner office? I am thinking it's more like a cubicle!

Lisa said...

If he didn't sell insurance, what else would he do?! He is injured, ya know. There are parties, but those can't be as much fun as meeting all the great people of Houston and selling them insurance.

carronin said...

I would not turn away Dave Beckham if he wanted to sell me some insurance. He is way hotter than my agent.

Kayelyn said...

LOL. The comments were as great at the post. You all made my day, especially diesel1 Still laughing. . .

Bee said...

Will you think less of me if I want to go buy insurance from him???

I cliketh from home and work, 2 for the price of ONE!

Lauren said...

I haven't ever given him much thought...but I guess he is appealing...in a soccer-plaing sort of way. His wife always looks pissed off...maybe she IS pissed off?

aubrey said...

oooh, david beckham is a hottie and a half. and i like victoria's style.

Elizabeth-W said...

If I leave you a comment, I don't want you to feel obligated to stop over :) I thought about not commenting at all, so I could make things easier for ya'.
I don't have an opinion about either of these people. That's all I wanted to say. See, that really wasn't even worth writing, was it?

Carrot Jello said...

I feel dirty.
Last night I watched "What's Eating Victoria Beckham" on the BBC America. It was Sunday.
I couldn't help myself.
Actually, I could have helped myself, but I didn't.
I know David Beckham, and he's no realtor. He is Victorias dress up doll.
No, not blow up doll.
Dress up doll.

Stacey said...

I knew he was leading a double life!

I wonder who else is living a life of danger?

Melissa said...

So... does Posh have an alter ego? Perhaps she's really a stay at home mom who bakes from scratch and scrapbooks. What do ya think??

jams o donnell said...

I'm so glad David has something to fall back on now that his football careers is begginning to falter. Presumably Posh will take a part time job in teh local Wal mart to help make ends meet when commissions are slack

Syar said...

I bet being the insurance guy gives him a lot more satisafction than the supposed football he's playing.

And it's also a nice extra income to support the stick he calls a wife. Smart man that Dave.

Bee said...

I changed my mind, he looks too much like a girl.

click!

Sketchy said...

I suspect the scam goes deeper than that. Injury prone aging soccer superstar/Secret Insurance Agent man. What if, and follow me here, he's sells the insurance because of the injury prone aging thing. He could make a fortune! And those Scientology folks are just hive minded enough that if he can make inroads there with his insurance sales? Wow! He could take over the world! Well not really, but still.

PS: What's with Mrs. Injury prone aging soccer stars neck? Aren't bones supposed to be inside the body?

Raesha D said...

That is hilarious! Posh is hideous....her head keeps getting bigger and her body keeps getting smaller. Did you see Scary Spice on Dancin with the Stars last night? She did quite well:) And she's got some lovely meat on her bones unlike skeletor.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I think my only qualm with them is the excessive tabloid and media coverage. I just really don't care. I also thought their soft porn magazine layout last month was just way too much exposure. Don't they consider their kids when they do this stuff, at all? And the tattoos.......oh crap....the tattoos. David ruined his gorgeous body doing that. I can't even stand to look at pictures of him in a state of undress because of it. Tattoos are such a turn-off and it makes him look low-class.

Suzanne-You so funny!

Tamra Norton said...

Elastic, you funny lady, you! I spotlighted you in my blog today about writing humor. You can read it at: theinkladies.blogspot.com.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Did I seriously miss two Infidel posts? What is up? Where have I been?

How does a girl that skinny have such a great rack? I call "boob job" on that one.

Kimberly said...

He's a bit like a super hero, eh? Has to have his secret identity. He needs to work on the secret aspect of it though. Dude! Try an alias for goodness' sake!

Kimberly said...

p.s. I'm so hooked on Matt Nathanson now!

Amanda said...

I had no idea! Thanks for enlightening us all! He's got my business! ;)

Stacey said...

I just felt I should comment since I'm sitting here jamming to "She's a Beauty"

*air guitar solo*

Kimberly said...

Don't spread this around, but he puts Jack Johnson to shame. ~ducks~

Thanks for the linky!

Bee said...

click

Amber said...

Dear ol' Dave: metrosexual extraordinaire AND Secret Insurance Agent Man? Who knew.... LOL!!

compulsive writer said...

He could be shining shoes or dumping trash for all I care. He's so fine.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

doo lang doo lang doo lang

Jennifer B. said...

You could go into business as a P.I. Seriously, I am amazed at the stuff you uncover. Well done EWL. Well done.

Bee said...

I think the HBs are messing with our heads cuz we haven't moved in the line up!

*click*

nora.lakehurst said...

Ok I am so not worthy to read your blog. You are so FUNNY. ( crying in shame) My blog is all "I am so thoughtful and insiteful and BORING" You are so funny how do you do it. HOW (grovling at your feet) And I cant even spell thing right. "Im not worthy Im not worthy"

Melody said...

There is no one NO ONE to compare to the Elastic One. She pulls it out, snaps it back, then swings us around with it and we are at her (wet our pants hilarious) mercy.

Please, please, oh great one, have mercy on me.