Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Smiling Infidel Word Of The Day-Learning Words The Infidel Way!

ELASTICITY las·tic·i·ty- The State Or Quality Of Being Elastic.
Wouldn't you all like to possess the state or quality of being elastic? Well, too bad, because like Highlander, 'In The End There Can Be Only One' and, I am that elastic.

A state of elastic? Pshaw! Why would I set my sights on such mediocrity? If all goes according to my stretchy and diabolical plans.......Today--Elastic City. Tomorrow--Elastic Planet! Sho nuff. As an important leader, I won't lie to you- Elastic City is not the promised land of milk and honey. We instead have nacho cheese flowing through our streets alongside bubbling fountains cascading with carbonated Mountain Dew goodness.

Planning a vacation to Funky Town? That place is just played-out, y'all. And I don't really care how many times your lady pleadingly begs you, "Won't you take me to Funky Town?" No, what you need to do is pack yourself a giant bag of tortilla chips and come visit Elastic City!

*Special Thanks Goes To No Cool Story The Official Artistic Muse Of Elastic City Who Designed This Funny Trinity-esque Picture*

53 comments:

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

:: keeling over dead ::

OK, I'm first.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I have never, ever, ever been first to comment on your blog. I must savor this moment.

:::saaaaaaavoooooooooooorrrrr:::

:::drooooooooooooooooooool:::

(sorry for drooling on your comments)

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I'm on the fast track to Elastic City. It's just a few miles down the road from Spatula City. I'll have to stop there and pick you up a new utensil. I know how into spatulas you are. It's like your favorite utensil ever. It's not quite up there with the tongs or the spaghetti grabber, but it's still one of the most versatile kitchen tools around.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Hats off to NCS for her mad Photoshop skills. I'm loving the sunglasses.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

And with that, I bid you a fond "see ya later." I've enjoyed this magic moment.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Do you see me, millie? I'm blowing big elastic kisses to you!

The sunglasses are all mine, yo.

Oh, and.....

YOU'RE NUMBER ONE! YOU'RE NUMBER ONE! YOU'RE NUMBER ONE!

Let's break out the celebratory nacho platter!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

And you lie.....Spatulas Are For Suckas!

I have a personal and intimate realtionship with sporks. I would never stray or be tempted by another plastic kitchen accoutrement.

How dare you think I would betray my true love. I'm a one spork woman, dang it!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

NCS did photoshop out the giant GEEK SQUAD emblazoned across the front of the shirt. What? Like the Mayor Of Elastic City can't be seen wearing a Geek Squad shirt. What's that all about?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I'm off to work. I don't want to see any hurt bloggy feelings if they don't get a visit from the Mayor of Elastic City, today......aight!

I mean it. NO HURT FEELINGS. You know I love all of you. If you're good I'll bring you back something nice from my trip.

Kimberly said...

Suddenly...I don't feel cool enough to comment here.

Jean Knee said...

yeah, Ill be there.

Is that a widow's peak in your hair?? cause if it is that means you can be eddie munster for Halloween!!!!

I'm so jealous

Jennifer B. said...

I may have to plan a road trip. Nacho cheese, huh?

Right on.

Special K ~Toni said...

Are kids half price?

Carrot Jello said...

hold me kimberly.

Tori :) said...

How do you come up with this stuff??

I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!!

"I 'grovel' at your feet." (What movie is that from??)

Lisa said...

Wow, mayor of your own city. I can only dream of such greatness.

I'm going to H-town this winter. I can't wait! 150 of my favorite relatives will be there. And some think my 14 year old is a smoker...thanks to Don's "humorous" Christmas letter. I have to go do damage control.

I'll be looking for the Nacho cheese streets and Mountain Dew fountain for sure!

Bee said...

You had me at cheese!!!

I'm coming with my Tostitos, Milagro and OTB chips in hand!

**click**

BTW, the word verification security thing said something about "VD"...?
It's just a rumour right?

Skewedview said...

I'm in for doin the dew!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Do you think people might become... confused... by the fountain of Mountain Dew? Something about that situation screams "IT CAN ONLY END BADLY" to me.

Stacey said...

Oh I know you didn't diss my Funky Town! Granted it's not as cool as your city but I try dangit!! Will I EVER be good enough???

I brought my chips but suddenly I've lost my appetite.

*hrmph*

aubrey said...

mmmm nacho cheesiness. i'm there for SURE. you are hovering like the karate kid over your city. wuuuPAH!

Nancy Face said...

Elastic City sounds just scrumptious...oh yeah! Cheese-y, Dew-y goodness! Here I come with my cheapie store brand tortilla chips! What delights await us in the future on...ELASTIC PLANET?

carronin said...

Yes, yes, yes, I'm commentor #23 in your face, Suckas!
I'm calling my travel agent asap to book some tickets to Elastic City.

b. said...

I love that picture!

I ain't gonna bow though.

Your stance looks a little like the Karate Kid on the stump.

When can I come? You needed a big seester, right?

Jean Knee said...

just for your info, you are not the only one that is elastic.
I can pull the flab on my tummy out to at least four times its usual outness.
and don't get me started on my turkey wattle neck, it can stretch almost endlessly. so others are also elastic.

can I be the crime commissioner??

No Cool Story said...

I'm loving the playlist on this here Elasticity.
¡¡VIVA LA ELASTICITY!!

Suzanne said...

Nacho cheese??? I'm on the next plane to Elastic City, baby! NCS knows that I already have the Tostitos! :D

Kayelyn said...

Sound like the place to be. I'll stop by Sam's club for a large quantity of tortilla chips.

Tori- Lion King.
I love that show.

Elizabeth-W said...

I sort of feel like Big Brother a la "1984" (or sister) is watching me.

Maddy said...

I'm more of cheese of toast type - or Welsh Rarebit, as we call it.
Cheers

wynne said...

Tortilla chips, here I come.

wynne said...

I think I'd like to head the crime syndicate here in Elasti-World.

wynne said...

I'm gonna need some thugs, though...hmm...

Johnna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lauren said...

To think I always want to go to Disneyland for vacation getaways. What a fool I am! Next time I am going to ELASTIC CITY! I am sure my mom has my back on this one...

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Johnna if you're reading this.....

I would never, ever want to bring shame or a sense that the frivolous stuff I write somehow represents my beliefs and the position of the church. That's why I rarely mention that I'm LDS, because I sometimes behave in a manner less than the higer principles we're taught as members of the church. Okay, a lot more than sometimes. I'm a sinner of epic proportions and I like light-minded laughter.

I wasn't weirded out at all by the Segullah inclusion--quite the opposite, I was so flattered and giddy I could barely wait to call Millie and tell her. I felt the pressure, though, that someone would read it and I would be the one that people would refer to and say, "I once knew this Mormon lady, and she was crazier than an entire crazy hospital of crazies singing a chorus of Gnarls Barkley's song 'Crazy.'" Yeah, that's pretty crazy, alright.

If you don't think I would offend your more pious sisters, I'd like to be included on Segullah. If I've burned down my bridge with a flamethrower, I'll understand that too.

nora.lakehurst said...

See Im not worthy. :((((((( that is a sign for Bawling my little eyes out because Im not funny.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Way to grovel.

Melissa said...

So, are the tickets to Elastic City one way? Cause I can only eat so much nacho cheese before I start feeling woozy....

Sketchy said...

Man, 41 at NCS, 40 here. Are you people trying to age me?

If I come to the city of Elastic do you have some youth fountain as well as mountain dew?

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I was going to ask the same thing as b., with your Karate Kid pose. Were you about to kick the city into oblivion in this picture?

wv: pwnes (Pew-ness)

Lei said...

Mmmmmmm... nachos.

I'm on my way!

Amanda said...

Did someone say nacho cheese....and tostito's....I'm on the next flight! Though I'll be bringing rootbeer with me thanks. I can't do the dew.

oh, and no one answered Tori's movie trivia question. The answer is Lion King!

normanbatesmomma said...

Sounds like a psycho place!

Melody said...

I often dream of visiting The Elastic City. . . I imagine going there with my friends: Tin Man, Cowardly Lion and Scarecrow, entering the great hall, pulling back the curtain and seeing you talk into an old microphone saying, "Pay no attention to that swarthy, hairy armed woman with six kids behind the curtain."

I've said it before, I'll say it again: You're the Wiz!

Someday we will surely meet.

Melody said...

The Wiz uses words like: accoutrement

Bee said...

WE ARE MOVING UP IN THE WORLD! I CLICKED THIS MORNING FROM WORK AND NOW.

CLICK!

Jean Knee said...

elastic- I had to do one of those horrible memes, where were you to support me through the horrible ordeal???
probably talking on the phone all day again....

Anonymous said...

Trick or Treat?

Burg said...

Yea nachos!

Suzanne said...

Elastic, where are you??? Come Mrs. Mayor! You're missing your own party and all it's nachoness.

Oh, and Amanda, I'll have some of that rootbeer too! :)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I just wanted to iterate that there is ZERO crime in Elastic City. Yeah, ZERO. Mainly because people are too lethargic from lapping up the cheese flowing through the streets.

Thank you all for visiting Elastic City. I hope you enjoyed your stay in our fair city and you'll recommend a friend or two. Take some complimentary Elastic City promotional crap. The kazoos and whoopie cushions are especially nice.

Please come again.

jams o donnell said...

Better Elastic City than Sin City! As for Funky Town, you haven't lived until you've heard Robyn's version!