Friday, September 14, 2007

Even The Neighborhood Watch People Avert Their Eyes And Blush From Embarrassment.....

Ever wonder where speed bumps come from? Wonder no more!
Oh, those randy little roads and all their naughty humping and bumping activities. Their indiscretions make the daily commute for the average motorist a bit more jarring.

Well, as me and Infidel Daughter The Second traveled through this neighborhood, we couldn't help giggling and pointing at all the road hump warnings. It's very important that people shield their kids from seeing the pavement in a possible compromising position-I completely understand that, but this was sign overkill. Every corner? Is that really necessary? Are we supposed to marvel at the road's boast of humping at 20 mph? That just seems ostentatiously braggy to me.

Naturally, when talking about things that you do naturally, it led to us singing an improvised version of The Black Eyed Peas 'My Humps.'
My Humps, My Humps
My Lovely Concrete Humps.....Check It Out.

At long last, I finally understood the deeper meaning of the 'My Humps' lyrics as each speed bump jostled me and shook around all that junk--all that junk inside my trunk.

*Infidel Daughter The Second Knows What The Word Hump Basically Means Thanks To Our Perpetually Excited Chocolate Labrador, Reagan.*

48 comments:

Carrot Jello said...

Woah, am I first?

Carrot Jello said...

Yes. I am.

Carrot Jello said...

I haven't thought of a comment yet. Sorry.

b. said...

Our dog got his perpetually excitedness stuck inside a stuffed teddy bear wearing a santa hat.

Special K ~Toni said...

OMG! Who is printing these signs? Convicts?

Jean Knee said...

I never really understood that song before either.

our precious Polka Dot never does any of that humping around nonsense.
He does eat his own feces, but only after it is dry and crunchy...mmmm..

Lisa said...

I must go for a drive when I go to Houston this winter. Maybe I will have funny pictures to post like the cool Elasticwaistbandlady. Or maybe I'm just not as aware of my surroundings as I should be. Maybe my streets are humping, too.

b-OMGOSH! Haha!

Tori :) said...

I never heard of them being called humps. I thought they were "speed bumps." What the heck?? You live in a perverted neighborhood.

Melissa said...

That's just wrong. No wonder the morals of America are crumbling... :)

b. said...

c-dub has a 'DIP' sign by her house.

Kimberly said...

I still get a chuckle out a high school friend who stole a No Dumping sign to hang in their bathroom. Ah, the giggly possibilities are endless, are they not?

Stacey said...

I'll post a comment when I can stop giggling at all this potty humor.

One day I hope to be as clever as you Elastic. I need to become more aware of my surroundings,there could be humor all around me!

Jean Knee said...

uhhm, EWBL, have you been feeling kind of nauseated, yet hungry at the same time lately??? just wondering.....

jams o donnell said...

Ha we have signs saying humps for N yards. I took this photo a while back. Not only humps for 3/4 of a mile but some grafitti artist has added a "torn" tag to it

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I love that the department of transportation will put signs all over the place saying "road humps" but won't put up "dead end" signs because they offend people with dead relatives. A road hump "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy would offend me much less.

I can't stand that song - it's so embarrassing.

Physcokity said...

jean knee's dog isn't a fan of bobby brown apparently.

If you thought 20 mph road humps were bad our signs boast "speed hump"

Speed/Road humps are bigger than bumps

Elizabeth-W said...

That is just bizarre.
My favorite signs are the ones that say SLOW
CHILDREN

It just makes me feel bad for that family that their low IQ offspring is posted for all to see.

aubrey said...

yeah, i can't decide if i like the huge humps or the small bumps. either way, promiscuous or not, i appreciate the signage warning me that i am about to be jostled.

No Cool Story said...

Millie lies.
She loves that song, makes her think of buns.

Anyway. I wonder why they used that word. Guess sometimes they feel like a nut, sometimes they don't.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Oh yeah? Well, NCS is a big anti-buns priss. You can tell her I said so.

Lauren said...

HAHAHA! Wow...20mph? That is impressive. My neighborhood boasts 15mph if I am remembering correctly.

Bee said...

I LOVE THE AFRO!!!!
LOOKS LIKE ME IN 4TH GRADE! :o)

Nancy Face said...

My neighborhood has SPEED HUMPS. Shoot, all along I thought they were trying to regulate camels that moved too quickly. Gee, I feel so stupid.

glittersmama said...

Physokity and I grew up together in the presence of speed humps. I always just think that it means to hurry up and do your business.

Anna Maria Junus said...

Must be an American thing.

Here we have speed bumps.

Now I've got the Alice the Camel song in my head.

Kayelyn said...

We have a DEAD END sign and a DIP sign, but I really want one of those ROAD HUMPS signs. Especially if they can hump at 20 MPH.


Bwawawawa- Hubs and I are going to bed, laughing all the way.

B- That poor teddy bear, getting violated and all.

Glo said...

I have no idea how in our world, the word 'humps' could ever find its way to a road sign.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Carrot- You're Number One! You're Number One!
Carrot- Yes You Are.
Carrot- I haven't thought of a comment back to this comment yet. Sorry.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

B.- I'm offended by stories of stuffed animals being violated. Is it just me, or are you leaving the funniest comments lately? I totally agreed with your Sean Kingston assessment too.

toni- No. I think its brought to you straight from the pervs laying about around Austin courtesy of our tax dollars-dreaming up dirty signs to pepper the state with.

jean knee- Maybe that's a Dalmation thing because the one I had as a kid did that too......and he ate the doo doo from the cat's litter box. Man's Best Friend and litter box cleaner.

lisa- We were on the other side of town and I brought my camera specifically to capture anything that had potential. It's like I struck sign comedy gold as soon as I cut through that neighborhood. Sadly, my subdivision doesn't have road bumps, lumps, or humps.

tori- This ain't my hood. We have signs where I live warning off solicitors. Like that stops The Living Scriptures and Kirby people...

melissa- It's a sign of our moral decay, alright. Literally. Or maybe it's a sign that I have a dirty mind. Hmmm

elasticwaistbandlady said...

b. Really? I want to put a CHIP sign next to it, then. Around here some of the rednecks would take that as permission to dig out the can of Skoal from their back pocket.

kimberly- Our No Dumping signs include the cost of a dumping fine at the bottom. It's very expensive to take a dump in Texas.

stacey- I'm not clever. I'm just a purveyor of the sin of light-minded laughter.

jean knee- Yeah. You don't see how barfy my writing is lately? Oh, and I'm always hungry. Are you offering up a free meal? SHould we meet in the middle at Pancho's? Then I could say I had my first date with Papi and my first meeting with jean knee at Pancho's Mexican Buffet.

jams- I LOVED that sign!!!!! It looked more like a snake that just devoured it's owner than a bumpy road, though.

TMM- I thought the Dead End signs were for people to be aware that they have terrible split ends and should use more conditioner.

Lauren- Our humps are faster than your humps. Wait, should I be bragging about that?

psychokity- I do not endorse the use of speed while humping. I thought government officials wanted us to say no to drugs. I guess that doesn't include speed.

elizabeth- I like the SLOW CHURCH signs, the best. I'm like "awwwww, a place for the slow children and their families to worship. How nice."

aubrey- They're getting you to jiggle for them without even paying you for it.

NCS- I bet it makes her think of buns AND hot dogs.

millie- I've had toasted buns before. But after sitting here typing out all these responses, I have flat buns.

bee- It's a classic FRO from Victorian times. I'm an old-fashioned kind of gal when it comes to my FRO pictures.

nancy- I'd be more worried about stopping camel toe than camel humps.

glittersmama- Shouldn't that be marked as a 'Quickie Zone' then?

anna marie- Speed Bumps sounds like a Disco Dance.

kayelynn- Are you going to post a Speed Hump sign in your bedroom?!!!??

glo- I blame the Digital Underground and their Humpty Hump song for corrupting the future signmakers of America back in the 90's.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

A few sessions of Saddlebag Cinch will perk those buns right up. I'm doing it right now!!!

*clench* *clench*

Amber said...

I wanna live in THAT neighborhood.

:-)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

millie- I'm going to take a shower. Nobody likes crusty buns.

amber- Yeah? And I wanna be sedated. And I want it that way.
That's what would happen if The Ramones and The Backstreet Boys ever combined forces.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Here they avoid the comedy opportunities by having pictoral signs rather than words*, but I've always loved the "Heavy Plant Crossing" signs - presumably warning about triffids or some such....

* Though the "uneven road ahead" pictoral sign has been the butt of jokes for years, as it looks like 2 - erm, parts of the female body (not ears)...

mcewen said...

Love it! Where I come from they call them 'sleeping policemen' [as if the police person is lying down in the road] but I like yours better.
Cheers

Jean Knee said...

Elastic, I warned you against those tony home perms!!!!

sue said...

We have those in our area... I just giggle everytime I see them! Now I'm gonna have this post stuck in my head. :)

carronin said...

Being a hillbilly I've never seen a road or a speed hump our humps are just regular ol'bumps.

wynne said...

Thank you for taking your camera with you, elastic. Thank you, thank you.

(And while I'm at it, thanks to you, too jams. That was great!)

Julie said...

Does your car squeak when you roll over the bumps?

(hahahahahaha!)

Jean Knee said...

if you don't get that gotta pee cat back, I'll scream.

I will. I really will.

Lei said...

Lol.

But *shudder* at the mention of "my humps".

Qtpies7 said...

Oh dear! I'm so glad our roads are celibate, I have 7 kids I would have to try to shield as I drive. And I can't reach that last seat in the 11 passenger van with my arms. I'm way too short for that.

Nancy Face said...

I gave you the You Make Me Smile Award...come by and check it out when you have time! :)

Methodical wormer said...

I am totally loving this post and the aftermath posting. I so admire your ability to change something I drive by every day into hilarium.

BarnGoddess said...

now I KNOW where those little baby speed bumps come from.....thanks! I wonder no more.

nora.lakehurst said...

I totally found some really funny things but Only one really showed up nice on my little camera phone. You gotta check it out. Its HILLARIOUS. Anyways so I think you are so funny

PinkPowerSuit said...

Okay, I am posting this to my Facebook profile. This is SO funny. You on there by the way? Look for me: Natasha Clark You'll see my white face, eye and some of my mouth. That's me.