Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Smiling Infidel Word Of the Day

Okay, class. Our super special word for today is:
Toiletries
Toiletries: A sacred, self-fertilizing tree that grows bountiful toilet harvests every year. Money doesn't grow on trees--but toilets sure do!

Word History: American folklore tells of an instrumental figure that aided in the spread of Toilet Trees by roaming the countryside and taking dumps in a most uncivilized manner. The trees soon sprang up from his stomping dumping grounds. That man was none other than Johnny Crapperseed, which is why we call toilets 'Johns' in honor of him.

*Special Thanks To NCS For Her Abundance Of Photoshop Cleverness. I Love The Way The Toilets Are Hung With Gaily Colored Ribbons Like Christmas Ornaments. I May Want To Do My Christmas Tree With A Toilet Theme This Year Thanks To Inspiration From NCS! Gracias.*

35 comments:

Kayelyn said...

Oh yes, I am first. First I say. Sweeeet.

I had no idea of the history of toiletries. Well now at least I know why we call "it" a John.

When's the quiz?

Jean Knee said...

here's a bit of toilet history you may not know. crappers ae called crappers because they were invented by a guy last name of crapper. I saw it on the history channel. I sure did not know about the John part though

Jean Knee said...

oop s sorry I got my facts skewed. he didn't invente the flush toilet he just promoted its popularity and started his own company with the name crapper on the toilets.

He did however, invent the floating ballcock

keep the comments clean ladies

jams o donnell said...

Johnny Crapperseed was an evil and ruthless capitalist who, having spread the crapper trees, created a monopoly on toilet paper. Potential competitors would often be dead face down in the bowl....

Historical fact: Thomas Crapper ddn't invent the flush toilet. The first that we would recognise was invented by sir John Harrington in the late 16th century. THe Romans had rudimentary flush toilets. I saw an example at the Roman Fort of Housestads on Hadrian's Wall.

Ain't I a cesspit of useless facts?

on.the.run said...

Thanks for the giggle, I needed it!

Tori :) said...

I had often pondered while on the throne where all these great crappers came from. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

Brian o Vretanos said...

These sacred trees are tended by nuns of the Cisternhood of San Itaria, motto: "Content in continens"

reddeathpunch said...

I thought Crap Happy Mama had the corner market on toilet posts.

Special K ~Toni said...

Too much! Looks like a Christmas card picture to me!

Nancy Face said...

Where do I get one of those Toilet Trees? The neighbors would love us if we planted it in our front yard...no one else would ever get TP'ed because we would be getting it every night! And imagine how glorious it would look at Christmas, all lit up with bulbous colored lights...ooh, ahh! And just think...in March, we could hang bottles of Vanish on the tree, turning everyone's thoughts to spring cleaning! Oh, the possibilities are just endless!

Lisa said...

I'm so thankful to those who came before, smarter than I'll ever be, and invented such things as the "john".

Radioactive Jam said...

Good thng Sir Isaac Newton wasn't sitting under one of these trees when the fruit fell on his head and he invented gravity.

Amanda said...

Why is it that the kids don't learn about Johnny Craperseed in school? That is really important information!

My Kimberly has had her fair share of intimate moments with the crapper in the last 24 hours. Hoping it doesn't spread...

Sketchy said...

I finally know why one of our old landladies disposed of an old toilet in our backyard. I thought she was just a jerk, turns out she was an entrepeneur! Trying to start her own vineyard of toiletries. I should write her a note to apologize for all my mean thoughts about her.

Jean Knee said...

YEAH WHATEVER JAMS YOU MAY KNOW A FEW HISTORICAL CRAPPER FACTS BUT DID YOU KNOW HE INVENTED THE FLOATING BALLCOCK????

i DIDN'T THINK SO

How did you get Brian V to comment on your blog?????
THE OUTRAGE!!!!!

Bee said...

Ms. Elasticwaistbandlady, I love coming on your blog since you always teach me something new! :o)
Ha Ha!

jean knee, don't get bent outta shape! Ask Brian nicely and he might lavish his comments on you too! :o)

Stop saying bad words like "ballcock" on Elastic's blog! This is a pure and angelic haven!

Jean Knee said...

dear elastic,
that creepy post I wrote is staying up until you make a comment on it. just think,,.. if it stays up long enough everyone will see it

Jean Knee said...

it's still there, nothing new on the horizon
it is at the top of the blog

still there

are you at work or are you busy plucking? that plucking hobby is taking up too much time

No Cool Story said...

Toiletries, hug the Toiletries.
I think the Gaily Colored Ribbons give it a very festive look.
I'm wodering if those toilets are ripe. We never discussed that.

PS: That Jean knee is a bad ashed Blog Rabble rouser.

No Cool Story said...

:}
And I have my own label.
Gracias a ti dude.

Anna Maria Junus said...

We must be on the same wavelength because I just wrote an important post on toilet paper. Under or over? That is the question.

Melissa said...

You have a way with words... I can't remember if I told you about our church bulletin last week for the "Stale Youth Trip". No fresh youth around here thank you very much!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

My man, Papi, celebrates a very important birthday tomorrow and we were feasting on taquitos over at the in-laws house.

They don't think toilet talk is funny like I do. That makes me muy triste. :(

Kimberly said...

That's okay, Elastic, we, your blogging family, are here to giggle, guffaw, and snort right along with ya.

Blackeyedsue said...

I have been living in ignorance.

BLISSFUL ignorance. ;)

Carrot Jello said...

I had no idea. Why did I not learn this in school?

BarnGoddess said...

I agree w/ Amanda, Johnny Crapperseed's tale should be taught in history class!

normanbatesmomma said...

Did you know that totally UNTRUE movie "Psycho" was the 1st movie to have a scene with a flushing toilet?? That's a true fact.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

so, here's how it went.

The Infidel Theory Of Evolution:

Eventually the Toilet Trees produced stained and dirty toilet crops. And then nature stepped in with a bubbling brook to flow alongside the Toilet Tree Orchards. But not just any bubbling brook--Oh no! This was a Scrubbing Bubbles brook spomsored by Mother Nature's co-company; Dow Chemicals. It was filled with toilet cleaning power and goodness. And all that was dirty and wrong was righted once more. And they all lived and flushed happily ever after.

The End.

carronin said...

You have a gift my friend do not hide it under a bushel basket.

b. said...

You were educated in a completely different dimension!! A very funny one!
Genius, I tell ya.

Burg said...

I'm gonna go plant some crapperseeds right now!

Seriously this is the best post I've read all day.

wynne said...

NCS asked the question I want to know the answer to--How can you tell if a toilet is ripe?

And does the toilet paper grow alongside the toilets, or does it grow in a separate bush?

And do you have to harvest them before you can use one, or can you climb right up into the tree?

Oh, there are so many things left unanswered...

jams o donnell said...

I understand the tree is also the natual habitat of the Toilet Duck.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

*quacking like Toilet Duck*

Toilet Duck makes regular appearances when Melanie and I play Mad Libs, either as an adverb ("toilet-duck-quackingly") or as a person ("Toilet Duck Loving Tony").