The Ghosts And Goblins Rise Up During The Night.....And So Does The Smiling Infidel Newspaper Carrier Lady

As promised, I'm here to accompany you on a short Spookfest Tour that features some of the most amusing/frightening/weird Halloween yard decorations that H-Town has to offer. Stay close to your guide, and tipping is always welcome.....


Don't mock me. That inflatable hearse chariot thing is super scary when the wind blows and makes it appear as though the horse and reins are moving for real. Plus it features some kind of undead creature rising out of the coffin in the back. The giant witch is also very spooky as they placed her smack in the middle of the cul-de-sac. You don't notice until you're right up on her. I know what you're thinking. 'A giant witch? Well, wouldn't Elastic feel comfortable with someone of her own kind like that?' Ummmm, no. These are really not sights I want to see when I'm working in the dark of night, all alone, while listening to ghost stories on the Coast To Coast radio program.

This hillbilly vampiress beauty was spotted at our local Big Lots store. Look at her slack-jawed, overbite appearance coupled with the traditional granny top-knot hairdo and white granny nightgown. I kept thinking that it must really suck to be sitting there on your plastic-covered flea market sofa minding your own business, watching a Hee-Haw marathon on the picture set when you get attacked by a vampire. We fell in love with the midget vampire on the right. Awwwww, who's a cute, wittle vampire? See how his feet barely touch the ground? He'd have to get a step-stool just to bite your neck! I'd like to see some Vampire Munchkins in a remake of Wizard Of Oz, wouldn't you?

These people drag out their fake cemetery and foreboding entry gates every single year. Again, not spooky during daylight hours, but you should see it at night when they have their fog machine running. Creeeeepppyy. Well, not as creepy as the fact that their next door neighbors are avowed Satanists. Yeah, that probably wins the creepy category hands-down. I blogged that story last Halloween.

What do you do when you keep flunking out of Beauty School? Why make weird Halloween decorations out of the practice heads, of course! If you look closely, most of these poor souls have mullets. No wonder the stylist couldn't get a beauticians license.

And finally, this SPIDER SIEGE! house is my absolute favorite. They set the mood by bathing the house in the eerie glow of red lights at night, too. Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light.......especially because it attracts giant man-eating spiders. That Sting sure knew what he was talking about!

*Home Spider on Steroids kits do not include David Arquette.*