Friday, October 26, 2007

The Ghosts And Goblins Rise Up During The Night.....And So Does The Smiling Infidel Newspaper Carrier Lady

As promised, I'm here to accompany you on a short Spookfest Tour that features some of the most amusing/frightening/weird Halloween yard decorations that H-Town has to offer. Stay close to your guide, and tipping is always welcome.....


Don't mock me. That inflatable hearse chariot thing is super scary when the wind blows and makes it appear as though the horse and reins are moving for real. Plus it features some kind of undead creature rising out of the coffin in the back. The giant witch is also very spooky as they placed her smack in the middle of the cul-de-sac. You don't notice until you're right up on her. I know what you're thinking. 'A giant witch? Well, wouldn't Elastic feel comfortable with someone of her own kind like that?' Ummmm, no. These are really not sights I want to see when I'm working in the dark of night, all alone, while listening to ghost stories on the Coast To Coast radio program.

This hillbilly vampiress beauty was spotted at our local Big Lots store. Look at her slack-jawed, overbite appearance coupled with the traditional granny top-knot hairdo and white granny nightgown. I kept thinking that it must really suck to be sitting there on your plastic-covered flea market sofa minding your own business, watching a Hee-Haw marathon on the picture set when you get attacked by a vampire. We fell in love with the midget vampire on the right. Awwwww, who's a cute, wittle vampire? See how his feet barely touch the ground? He'd have to get a step-stool just to bite your neck! I'd like to see some Vampire Munchkins in a remake of Wizard Of Oz, wouldn't you?

These people drag out their fake cemetery and foreboding entry gates every single year. Again, not spooky during daylight hours, but you should see it at night when they have their fog machine running. Creeeeepppyy. Well, not as creepy as the fact that their next door neighbors are avowed Satanists. Yeah, that probably wins the creepy category hands-down. I blogged that story last Halloween.

What do you do when you keep flunking out of Beauty School? Why make weird Halloween decorations out of the practice heads, of course! If you look closely, most of these poor souls have mullets. No wonder the stylist couldn't get a beauticians license.

And finally, this SPIDER SIEGE! house is my absolute favorite. They set the mood by bathing the house in the eerie glow of red lights at night, too. Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light.......especially because it attracts giant man-eating spiders. That Sting sure knew what he was talking about!
*Home Spider on Steroids kits do not include David Arquette.*

71 comments:

Elizabeth-W said...

Yikes! My 4 year old wants to come back to Houston to see that house with the huge spiders! It's true that some bugs do get pretty huge down there...She wants to know if they're real. Should I tell her?

Amanda said...

I imagine that in the dark those must be forboding sights to behold! REally, do these people not have any consideration for the paper delivery person? Obviously not!

Hmmmm, I wonder how I can freak out our paperboy when he brings our paper tomorrow morning.....

Physcokity said...

ooh third!

Physcokity said...

OK blogger's a cold hard Hilary Clinton! In my rush to claim the bronze, hehe, I probably got the longest verification ev-er.


I would love to see munchkin vampires in a Wizard of Oz remake.

I'm thinking that the mullet infested lawn is scary enough in daylight!

Julie said...

Those practice heads would weird me out in the daylight. Then again, they'd make great fun for a pickup game of soccer.

Jean Knee said...

I wouldn't buy anything that included David Arquette. mostly

the spider house looks the best but there's just something about those heads that keeps me comoing back for more

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Beauty School Flunk-Out... nothing but lifeless heads for you...

I love your tours.

(psssst - I got a fun package in the mail today)

compulsive writer said...

Um no David Arquette? I want my money back.

Tori :) said...

Holy crap- those big ole spiders made me trip out!

Tori :) said...

Thank ya much for the good mail!! It's in my Good Mail Gallery on my sidebar. :)

No Cool Story said...

I LOVE MY GOOD MAIL!!!!!
I LOVE IT!!
I LOVE!!
IT!!!!!!!
Made me so happy, I bet it made the mailman happy too :)

Anyway, I really liked the vamp midget, the chair he's sitting on: Yeah, Tejas.

Nancy Face said...

My dear daughter hates all things Wizard of Oz, and she is completely creeped out by Munchkins. Remake it with cute wittle vampire things, and it will become her favorite movie!

The Beauty School flunky yard should be mine...yep, I want it.

Melissa said...

Wow. H-town is weird. Of course, I'm just lame... I haven't put anything up this year. It takes too much effort to decorate my blog. I can't do both...

Lisa said...

Your pictures are making me home sick!!! Big yards, big trees, big bugs, and heads in the lawn. I miss it!

Jean Knee said...

where's the doughnut costume??? I don't see any doughnut costume, where is it?

Bee said...

You should make jean knee come with in the wee delivery hours, see how big and bad she really is! ;op


click!!

Johnna said...

Wow, and I thought there was too much intense Halloween decorating around here. H-town wins.

I used to live in Shaker Heights, Ohio, where they decorated for Fall, with pumpkins and cornstalks in the front yards, all very tasteful.

I love Coast to Coast when I'm up for some reason very late or very early. though it does creep me out at times, even without running into a witch in the middle of the street.

Jean Knee said...

still no doughnut

Jean Knee said...

yes, my beloved infidel, I was horrorfied by that crappy xanadu song and hit mute as quickly as I could. sadly, I heard a little

Jean Knee said...

look at how I spelled horrorfied, does my spelling amuse you as much as it amuses me?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

WHOREIFIED!

Jean Knee said...

damm you're good

Jean Knee said...

that freakin xanadu took me unaware yet again, will I never learn to mute first?

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I love Xanadu. Just keep it coming.

wynne said...

I found the mullets to be the most frightening thing. (shudder) eep.

I really wish I could see the graveyard-house at night with the fog machine on!

carronin said...

Are you freakin' kidding me. Did you see the marble columns on that house? Who lives there the Pope.

Brian o Vretanos said...

I normally dive for the mute button when I visit a "noisy" blog, but I like your Halloween music ;-)

Those spiders are gross - I'm definitely steering clear of Texas!

Arachnophobia is definitely the best spider film there is...

on.the.run said...

mmmmmmmm donuts.

Jean Knee said...

I was all ready for the mute and surprise no xanadu.

was Millie kidding? I hope so

Annie said...

What is that? The Playboy mansion?! I've got to get me some marble columns. Like this one, or that one, or this one, or that one.

aubrey said...

that giant mansion with the spiders is creepy. i'm not a fan of spiders so i think i would avoid that street if i ever came to houston during halloween. we have a "scarecrow" up the street at the entrance of a spa..it's a giant lady head dressed as a man. very odd. i told ava to avert her eyes when we walked past it last week. i don't need her having nighmares of that stuff.

Sketchy said...

When my nephew was little we were at my mil salon and he noticed her chopped off heads peeking out of the top of the her cabinet. "Grandma's Little Shop of Horrors!"

He freaked out, of course.
We all laughed, of course.
He's scarred for life now, of course.

Amber said...

If only I had made something of my woes as beauty-school dropout. To think I could have scared the crap out of the neighborhood kids....

Bee said...

One small click for EWBL one giant leap for humour blogs!

click

Rhonda said...

OMG...I love the yard-o-heads! We don't have anything cool like that in my neighborhood. :(

jams o donnell said...

Damn I really should check if I've actually typed in the verification correctly. Here goes again...

I love the way people get into teh spirit of Hallowen. It's becoming more popular here but it's not on the same scale.

We plan to put Ted in a vampire cape and sit him in the window. That will scare the bejesus out of trick or treaters!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Vampire TED. I love it!

Okay, so I told you that I throw newspapers in a richy-rich neighborhood, right? Theres lots of energy sucking mini-mansions built for a family of 3 around here. Housing costs are cheaper here so people can afford more......even if its ostentatious, unnecessary, and ridiculous.

JustRandi said...

Hey! I was just trying to comment on your No Drama post and it disappeared! Anyway I agree in full!

Lisa said...

Yeah-what happened to your no drama post?

Lisa said...

Okay-I understand why you took it down, and I am glad I didn't read the posts you mention. Sad. Personally I want a whole house full of kids because I am soon to be a lonely old lady-8 years left with my girls and it will go by way too quickly for me. :(

Lauren said...

Oooo...I would like my own Vampire Ted. That can be arranged haha.

I liked the beauty school heads! That is just foolish!!

Jean Knee said...

what!!!!!?????!!! I missed a post?? was it controversial??? email it to me... or else you'll have a repeat of that whole sphinctor incident that I'm sure you will pretend didn't happen, but I know it did

Nancy Face said...

I came back to comment on this morning's post, and it was gone. I'm glad I got to read it; I thought it was excellent, and I agree with you!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Sorry about removing the post. I read a couple "POOOR MEEEE, Look I How Suffer By Being A Mother" blogs yesterday that sent me over the edge. A friend of mine commented that perhaps it was a rush to judgment and that nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.......that being said, I don't take back what I wrote. Not at all. By commenters coddling the moms who just moan and groan so excessively over their 'burdens', they are pushing these women to the point of no return. Once you give in to the dark whiny side it's very hard to come back from it.

And writing it all out only serves to stay mired in your misery. I'm sick of all the selfishness and women thinking things have to be absolutely perfect for them to be happy. News flash: Your kids ain't going to be perfect and taking care of them isn't a cake walk. But to muse about how serene and wonderful your life would be without them on your blog.....Whoa. Especially when you know your family and friends read it. What I read yesterday from that one woman permanently soured me against her. What a way to crap on all your blessings, lady.

In no way was that post directed at any of you who regularly read my blog. My friend mentioned that everyone would think I was talking about them. I wasn't.

nora.lakehurst said...

I totally agree dont worry about it. I agree that times like these its hard to do all the time.

Bee said...

No!! I want to read it! Can you send it to those who never never ever complain? I never ever complain! ;o)
Please? Come on why are you being like that I never get my way! My diamond shoes are too tight and my wallet's too small for my hundreds! :o)

Click from work!

Carrot Jello said...

EeK!
Yeah, that's all I've got.
Sorry.

nikko said...

Eeek! I'm loving the mannequin graveyard.

Bee said...

Is it weird that I have a crush on David Arquette? Maybe I'll get over it once October's gone.

Click from home...

Jean Knee said...

love you infidel. stick to your guns girl. tell your friend she's crazy

BrentD said...

I love to see the neighborhood association awards on your street.

aubrey said...

ya...where did that post go? i didn't even finish reading it on my google reader and came over here and it was gone. luckily i have not come across any naggy vent blogs like that. my sister did a couple of posts on her blog like that about her husband and i told her to delete them immediately. it's not productive.

BarnGoddess said...

"hillbilly vampiress"

hahaha! weve got a few of them 'naturally' out here in OKLA.

I LOVE your music

The spider house is by far the BEST

Bee said...

clack!
uh I mean cluck!
uh clock!

what the!? There's something wrong with my clicker!!!

Bee said...

click! (from home)
fixed it!

between you and me, jean knee told me a secret... she's secretly in love with David Arquette too!
shhhh...

Tamra Norton said...

Elastic,

Didn't you notice my yard while tossing papers? It's the scariest of them all. Flesh eating fireants roaming at will from weed to weed (a.k.a.grass in H-town) just waiting for an unsuspecting bare foot to venture out.

wynne said...

Hmm. Seems I missed something again...there was a post I missed? Drat. I hate to miss any elastic. My life needs more elasticity in it.

Hope things are all great 'n' halloweeine in your neck o' the...haunted woods. OooOOo.

That was just corny. Sorry.

wynne said...

(...and will there be any haunted chihuahuas in the near future? What about possessed poodles? Demented dalmations? How about a diseased cat? Don't make me beg...)

Jean Knee said...

yeah yeah, a diseased cat. I have one on my fridge with the polka dptted plague. it ain't scary though

Jean Knee said...

you put that Halloween song up just for me didn't you.

Suzanne said...

O.k. my hubby loved Eight Legged Freaks, but I think that is one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen! LOL! Wow, people really do go all out for Halloween, but Satanists I'm sure are more scary than any of it! I'll have to go and read your post from last Halloween...

Melissa said...

Are you sure you weren't talking about me in your post? I admit it. I whine. I need a swift kick in the pants sometimes... and I think you should put the post back up. It was still on my Google Reader... and it was a good post. And, for those of us who are sometimes a tad on the whiny side, it's a good reminder.
Happy Halloween :)

Diesel said...

Satanists, huh? Man, they are going to be upset when they get to the end of the Bible and find out they lose.

Bee said...

clickus from workus

wynne said...

Oh elaaaaastic! Where are you hiiiiiding? Come out, come out, wherever you are! It's HALLOWEEN! I wanna see your chihuahua costume!

Bee said...

do oyu remember the running man? the cabbage patch?

well I'm doin' both while I clicketh!

Jean Knee said...

I don't see no donut

Lisa said...

Where oh where has the smiling infidel gone? Where oh where can she be?????

Melissa said...

Hey - thanks for the comment on my blog... even if you weren't talking about me, it was a good reminder :) I wanted to email you last night, but I don't have your addy... if you don't mind terribly, would you send it to me?
mejojac at aol dot com

compulsive writer said...

Where's 'lastic?

Is that like Where's Waldo only different???

elasticwaistbandlady said...

melissa

It's
elasticwaistbandlady@yahoo.com