Sunday, October 21, 2007

Stephen King Launches His New Line Of Christmas Stockings Just In Time For The Holiday Season!

Don't you love how the Christmas season always ushers in glad tidings and feelings of unity towards your fellow man? Well, I recently noticed a Christmas stocking display at a local discount chain that stoked the glowing embers of my heart........
It would be so uncharitable to leave behind the sickos, psychos, serial killers, Quentin Tarantino lovers, underwire bra manufacturers, Leatherface impersonators, IRS auditors, Wayne Newton fans, and Satanists during the most wonderful time of the year, wouldn't it? I'm so thankful for diversity and the bounty of positive changes its brought to our society. Who knew that the far-reaching implications would stretch all the way towards revolutionizing the Christmas stocking market? Yes, now happily we can all have a representative stocking to hang up next to our respective fireplaces.........or makeshift crematoriums this season.

25 comments:

Elizabeth-W said...

What the heck is that?!!

Nancy Face said...

Eeeek! That is just creepy! :0

nora.lakehurst said...

HEE HEE (no gafaw is more like it) That is so funny. Ok uhem now that I have composed myself. Yes that is yuckie but you do have a point. All people do deserve a chance. Maybe if they have been good they will get a severed left hand to go with it. Or maybe a body. Ok sorry just had to do it. You make my day sista

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Okay, I snapped this with my camera phone at Big Lots and then I cropped it at home. I'm disappointed that you can't click on the picture to see it closer up because it was really a sight to behold. This is what stores get for trying to cram a marketer's fantasy of Thanksmasween down our throats. Quit putting Christmas stuff out next to the cornuccopias and life-size headless butlers and moaning zombies.....PLEASE!

elizabeth- It's a burlap sack thingie cinched at the top and covered with fake blood and a dismembered plastic hand. Don't tell me you don't have patients that would be happy to get this as a Christmas gift from you.

nancy face- Yeah. This won't be hanging up anywhere at the Infidel house this X-mas.

nora- There's nothing like the sight of graphic blood and gor to tickle ones funny bone......assuming it's not a dismembered funny bone, that is.

Lisa said...

Doesn't everyone have their Christmas bloody hand hanging by Dec. 1st?

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

My kids would probably love getting that for Christmas. What does that say about my household?

Jean Knee said...

I'd love getting that for Christmas, what does that say about me?

I see we shop at the same stores. You have excellent taste, Infidel.
Our Big Lots did not have that severed hand stocking thing-drat!

I'm not trying to be a rumour spreader, butt, did you know Millie grabbed a strange man's butt? it's true

JustRandi said...

Thanks for the head's-up on the politically correct inclusive decorations. I'm just getting ready to get out my decorations for RamuHanuKwansMas.
Obviously I have not been to Big Lots in way too long.

Stacey said...

What a heart warming post to read first thing this morning! Psychos need Christmas decor too.

Tori :) said...

That's just wrong. Wrong I tell you!

Kayelyn said...

I didn't even know that Stephen King had line of Christmas Stockings. Maybe it would be more appropriate to label his holiday line under X-mas, since he's likely to take Christ out of it and THAT creepy stocking would definitely NOT fall under Christ-like.

I love your humor. I love how you write about diversity. It makes my day.

Geosomin said...

That's just bizarre...and sadly enough I know a couple of people who'd think it was indeed the coolest thing ever.
*sigh*

Lia said...

This is for the party-for-many-months-straight crowd: rolling Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Xmas all into one.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I give thanks for the dead hand and burlap sack hanging in my living room.

Jean Knee's lying. She's such a rumor-spreader.

Suzanne said...

O.k. whose hands are those supposed to be??? :O

Brian o Vretanos said...

I think it might be mine - I've been looking everywhere for it...

No Cool Story said...

Maybe those are the hands of the elves who wanted to go on strike...

Santa has bad temper yo.

Bee said...

See, I look at this in a whole different possitve shiny light.

This is for the person like you, that NEEDS a helping hand!

Haven't you ever thought to yourself: "I wish I had three hands so I can make tacos, and give Papi an nice pinch..." I don't want to know where you would pinch him but I'm thinking you've thought this.

Bee said...

My three handed wish is more like:
"I wish I had 3 hands so I could slap, type and drink at the same time!"

But that's just me...

CLICK!

normanbatesmomma said...

I think if all you commenters are wise you'll leave it alone. Just leave it alone.

jams o donnell said...

I like No Cool Story's idea. So Santa has a sweatshop?

Pesonally I think it is a perfect Xmas stocking for the dyslexic devil worshipper - the one who sold his soul to Santa

nikko said...

Yikes! Is that really supposed to be a stocking?

Bee said...

CLICK FROM HOME!

Bee said...

That click was sponsored by Psycho-Flakes, have them with vodka!

aubrey said...

holy freakin scary. merry Christmas?