Friday, November 16, 2007

My BUNS OF STEEL Workout Regimen Using LEGO Blocks

"Elasticwaistbandlady, a blogging Infidel . A woman barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild her. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic woman. Elasticwaistbandlady will be that woman. Better than she was before. Better, stronger, faster.......and a second third stomach to accommodate her voracious appetite."

Mothering two rampaging sons has rendered me nearly indestructible--especially in the tender foot and tushy areas. I've stepped on, sat on, fell on, and pranced on so many little plastic toy pieces scattered about my floor that I could bill myself as the world's first LEGO cyborg mom. I'm sure that a routine physical would uncover enough tiny blocks hidden amongst my squishy, heiny-folds to erect an entire LEGO city--a city that's never quite complete because there's always another "new-and-improved" set you have to purchase. Oh how I do so love toys thats designed specifically to make you keep buying and buying more to add on to it.

Anyway, I'm not really sure why Papi wants to waste his time watching recycled 70's cheeseball-o-rama shows like The New Adventures of the Old Bionic Woman, when he has me, his own personal Bionicle Woman by his side.

My weapon of choice as a mighty Bionicle Woman? The high-speed hurling of an itty-bitty ,connectible-piece arsenal that strikes certain fear and dread in the hearts of thine enemy....thus engaging them to stoop over and scoop them all up off the floor which leads to extremely debilitating backaches. I'm a calculating foe, indeed.

Fear me!

12 comments:

glittersmama said...

I think legos are the absolute worst things to step on ever.

Kristen said...

My legos now tremble in fear as my new weapon of choice (since the kitchen reno started) is the shop vac! That baby can suck up an entire bionicle at once.
very funny post!

jams o donnell said...

EWBL you could be one of the Mystery Men with that talent! I miss so much not being a parent....

Rhonda said...

My 2 year old has the super sized legos, which don't hurt as much when you step on them, but I hate hate hate picking them up. Boo to things that come in little pieces!!

Jean Knee said...

I suck up all plastic doo dads with my super sonic shop vac that also convwerts to a leaf blower if I need to dust.

aubrey said...

and i thought stepping on the kids huge duplo blocks sucked. ouchie wawa. i was shopping at the mall with my brother. a mall full of kiosks and kiosk workers vying for my attention might i add and i saw the most amazing lego construction of hagrid. it was enormous. and all i could think of was having to clean those up.

Bee said...

Yeah it's a pain to pick up all those toys! I mean my kid is 31 years old and will still leave all his stuff scatterd all over until I threaten to throw them out. I've tried returning him to his mom but she keeps sayin' "You married him, now you can keep him!"

CLICK!

Nancy Face said...

Such a funny post! I love it! :D

I've had a hate/love relationship with Legos for about 18 years...my oldest son left them scattered all over the house, much like your rampaging sons do, leading to many foot owies for the momma face! He was ten when baby brother came along, and said baby ate at least one of those cute little bricks...I discovered the proof in the poopy diaper! When little brother got old enough to play with Legos rather than eating them, he had a completely different style: build it once, put it on display, and be done with it! A huge waste of money, but no more Lego pieces in the momma's feetsies! Oh, yeah!

I always thought Bionic Woman was the coolest.

nikko said...

ROFL!

on.the.run said...

I don't know what is worse - the single legos scattered all over the place or trying to figure out where to put the creations that are built with them.

Funny blog by the way... Joe would love a mom made out of lego.

Lauren said...

What the!? I totally posted a comment on this blog on Saturday...where did it go? hmmm...

Lauren said...

I bet the Bionicle ate it.