Friday, December 21, 2007

Finally A Gift That Says Everything You Wanted To Say And So Much More

Have you found yourself finally nearing the bottom of your holiday gift-giving list when you realize that you still have that dreaded frenemy, irritating boss, or pervy cousin to buy an obligatory present for?

The Sympathetic Smiling Infidel understands your needs completely and offers up this super festive gift basket that will bring merriment and joy to the very special people in your life. The sturdy crimson basket features gaily prancing reindeer and comes jam packed with oodles of yummy treats sure to delight any lucky recipient at your next holiday party or get-together.

Call today and be sure to ask for this item. Product number#420 "You Are What You Eat, Sucka!" basket.
Here's a close-up picture and product description of all the exciting items this basket has to offer:
1. Baked Cheese Balls- Because you're a half-baked cheese ball but this is close enough.
2. Vienna Sausages- For the little weenie inside you....and sometimes outside of you.
3. Slim Jim Beef Jerky- "Jerky" sums things up quite nicely.
4. Super Sour Nerds- When social ineptitude collides with rampant pissiness syndrome.
5. Air Heads Candy- I told you that hanging out at the nail salon all the time with those toxic fumes wasn't any good for you.
6. CHUNKY Candy Bar- Maybe the Slim Jim will offset it?
7. Goobers- A little bit of you in every single bite.
8. Pie Crust Mix- Flaky and crusty all at the same time!
9. Devil's Food Cookies- Because obviously I ate all the Angel's Food cookies. Duh.
10. Small Nuts- At least these are honey roasted.
11. Crackers- Everybody needs friends, even if they are in a box.
Call within the next 24 seconds and we'll even throw in a special gift card at no additional cost to you for the times you want to send your greetings and salutations----anonymously.

CHEERS!

*You'll find amazing basket-filled gift baskets with a basket theme over at humor-blogs.com*

29 comments:

Bee said...

What!!!?? I'm first????

Bee said...

I. Want. That. For. Myself!!!
MMMMM.

For the little weenie inside you....and sometimes outside of you. BWAHAHAHA!

I still haven't bought my frenemy her gift. I wish i could find a muzzle in human size... maybe one of those S&M sites? I'm gonna go check. Not that I know of any S&M sites.

Bee said...

I was just watching The Simpson's were I heard this phrase "Nappien won't cause elbow stink"
That will be my calling card from now on.

Bee said...

My elbows don't stink, they smell like bacon.

Bee said...

I think someone should go to sleep...

Elizabeth-W said...

Tonight at my office party we did white elephant gifts and someone brought a can of something called, I kid you not (and I'm thinking Jams can back me up on this), Spotted Dick. It was some sort of bread pudding. I haven't googled it yet. You really ought to add that to your basket.

aubrey said...

oh dear. spotted dick. i was just gonna say that i love beef jerky. i wouldn't mind if my frenemy gave me some of that.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

When I was in Utah, I ate a pioneer dish called "Lumpy Dick." My second counselor and I had to really hold in our snickering while the stake RS president served it to us.

I LOVED the Air Heads slogan. I happen to like that walk-by-the-nail-salon smell. That probably explains a lot about me.

jams o donnell said...

I cannot understand why anyone would pay a fortune on hampers from Harrods or Fortnum and Mason when they could get all of this delivered direct to their doors.

Happy Christmas!

SherryTex said...

Okay, this was brilliant. You my dear, are a Gourmet Snicker's bar, smooth good stuff that satifies with a nougat of truth in the middle. Nice stuff!

Bee said...

Here's my morning click!
I haven't much to say since I'm feeling tired and uninspired... ;op


BTW, thanks for your idea! Since I have allot of left-over booze from Thanksgiving, some peeps are gonna be getting the B-Basket.

5 Sammmmmuel Adams
4 Co-ro-nas
3 Bottles of wine
2 Mojitos
And a MIKE-A-RIIIIITAA!!!

B is for booze

Jean Knee said...

send me a coffee basket, pleeeease. You have to use gifts from special friends, right? Make it coffee, pleaaase infidel.

What is that smell? Smells like elbow grease. You aren't cleaning are you????? Remember our blood pact to never clean or straighten our houses ever again don't you?

No, wait that must be Bee's elbow funk

Mrs. Monkey said...

I love that last Christmas card. My kiddos would love that basket of food. They love junk food. We NEVER call people "crackers" at our house. We prefer to call them "Wheat Thin" or "Chicken in a Biskit" that way we can still remain politically correct!

the frogster said...

Yup. Looks good, but definitely needs fruitcake.

Jean Knee said...

Where's the coffee luuuvvv?

on.the.run said...

Cheese balls made me think of something else.

b. said...

I'll take two...please and thank you!



Merry Christmas!!

Maddy said...

Excellent - what a way to send a sneaky message.
Cheers

This is my calling card or link"Whittereronautism"which takes you straight to my new blog.

jams o donnell said...

Oh I can back up Elizabeth on Spotted Dick. It is a steamed pudding and not to my taste. It does go well with faggots, I suppose....

Palm Springs Savant said...

well isn't that special? love them holiday gift baskets!

shay said...

ha ha ha!

"4. Super Sour Nerds- When social ineptitude collides with rampant pissiness syndrome."

I thought for a second there you knew our former partner's wife...

Thanks for the great idea!

omar said...

I'm with Aubrey on this one. Send over the jerky! And the Nerds.

Carrot Jello said...

I like eating glass candy canes. People pay me to eat them.

wynne said...

I'd like to order two of these.

But I think what I'll do is eat everything I like and just leave the wrappers in the basket.

*sigh* If only...

Jill said...

Why oh why did I not see this before I finished my shopping!?!?!?
Believe it or not, this is the first time I have heard the term "frenemy".
It is now a part of my vocabulary.
Wynne-HAHAHAHA!!! Too funny. Why not throw in a few long stemmed stems also.
Love your blog!
Jill

Nancy Face said...

Best idea ever! Too bad I finally finished the shopping...I have tons of junk to wrap, and not one Slim Jim in the pile. Bummer.

Love the card! Merry Christmas!

Lauren said...

Hmmm, gifting a jerk jerky would be quite punny...

stars said...

Stumbled across your blog on humor-blogs.com. Amazing! I need your gang to come repair the Christmas treats in my house as well. Check my blog out as well if you have a chance at http://randomrageouts.blogspot.com

Melissa said...

Too bad Christmas is over... do you send these out for other holidays?