Friday, February 08, 2008

I Wonder If The Christian Rock Group P.O.D Was Actually Named After Passive Odor Dispensers? (Their Music Does Stink, After All)

While roosting on the potty at Kroger's grocery store last week I noticed these air-freshener devices strategically placed throughout the bathroom.

I think it's most unfortunate that Kroger's resorted to using such cut-rate sanitizing tools. Why would they assume that something labeled as "passive" would put up a valiant deodorizing effort in fighting the evil armies of malodorous poopy particles?

Now, I've been characterized as demonstrating extreme passive/aggressive behavior on occasion- but never just solely passive. Basically, I'm a hardcore Aggressive Odor Dispenser. I laugh haughtily in the face of the feeble stink combat skills that a simple Passive Odor Dispenser brings to the Stankfest Games.

Yes, I entered into fierce one-on-one competition with the Passive Odor Dispenser, determined to prevail. I'm proud to say that through diligent straining and struggling I was declared the definite victor in our intense match.

My win proved to be a loss for the other restroom patrons, though.

*The Passive Odor Dispenser at humor-blogs.com only works when you pull their finger*

33 comments:

elasticwaistbandlady said...

F.Y.I lead singer of P.O.D, Sonny Sandoval is personally responsible for the downward trend of naming baby girls, Nevaeh. It's Heaven spelled backwards. Get it? I know, it's a really gaggy concept.

Not familiar with P.O.D? Here you go:
Youth Of A Nation

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Oh yeah. I was FIRST! and SECOND!

Go On Which Yo Bad Self, Super Elastic!

JustRandi said...

I have some aggressive odor dispensers winning at my house as well. This can only be battled with large quantities of Oust.
And it cracks me up that you were taking pictures in the bathroom at Kroger.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Nothing can match the awesome powers of Febreze, Randi.

And yeah, I was taking pictures. I didn't have my Sharpie marker with me so I could write out Shakespearean-like brilliance on the stall walls.

Here I Doth sitteth, all broken-hearted.
Tried to take a crappeth, but only doth farted.

Rebecca said...

I'd love to see what would happen in a contest between you and my dog. He's been a most super odor dispenser lately!

Rebecca said...

Hey! I just noticed my name on your sidebar! Cool! Thank you!

the Bag Lady said...

Only you...can make the crapper funny...o-only you-oo-oo, can make the darkness smelly. You and you alone, ca-an slay me like you do, and fill my nose with scents o-of doo doo. Only you.
(Sorry, I know it was really lame...probably shouldn't even click on publish...
(Hahaha - word verification? *agnoot* - that annoying little leftover thing on your shirt after you sneeze)

aubrey said...

elastic, i just got your valentine-y package of wonderfulness in the mail today! you are awesome. so many goodies and so much fun. i'm afraid the yummy chocolates are all gone. but i love everything..you are SO awesome to take time out of your busy schedule to send goodmail. you rock!

Bee said...

I need me some of that for my little office where we have bat gas!

Melissa said...

Ah... the things you do just for our entertainment :)

Klin said...

Must. . . buy. . . more. . . tissues. . . Family . . . is . . .laughing. . . so. . . hard. . . we. . . are . . .crying. . .

Stacey said...

I just may have to take a break from your blog. You keep me laughing and it's not a good thing when you have a cough. I giggle,then I hack..

Millie said...

I read Their Music Does Stink, After All and was totally gone... I couldn't even make it all the way through your post...

Passive-agressive stinky comments: "Well, if you LIKE stenching up the room like that, I guess that's none of my business..."

"(Sniff sniff)... that family next to us in the chapel brings new meaning to the word 'pew'..."

"WHO HAS A BONG IN HERE?"

No Cool Story said...

Elastic should egt some kind of award for beign 1st and 2nd.

No Cool Story said...

I don't ever want to witness any matches or victories of this type.

Please.

Nancy Face said...

Lauren may just poop her pants when she sees that you used the word "patrons."

Nancy Face said...

I didn't find it the least bit surprising that you were snapping pictures in the potty room of your favorite Kroger.

Nancy Face said...

This was so funny...I loved it! :D

It makes me proud that you won in the END.

Millie said...

P.S. I'm mad at David Letterman.

Hilary said...

The Smelling Infidel... it has a certain je ne sais crois!

on.the.run said...

I did one in Target the other day and I could hear the lady in the stall next to mine rushing to get out and away from my fragrence as quickly as possible... I was so proud. I swear I saw garments in the little tampon trash-can that day... I didn't really want to investigate further though.

Lauren said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! You said "patrons"!! This pleases me, now I know Ted isn't the only person on this earth who uses it!

Thank you for the bounteous package of Valentiney goodness! I love me some good Energy gum and Napoleon pens!!

aubrey said...

so ava just picked up the conversation hearts and saw her name and SQUEEEELED in delight. she sends a big thank you!

Jean Knee said...

I knew you were gonna win without even reading the ending. It's probably thanks to that Dumass taco.

Sketchy said...

If I ever get to be touched by an infidel, I'm going to request we not share a hotel room.

Sorry.

It's nothing personal.

Well, actually that is an acutely personal thing isn't it. What's more personal that the objects that were once inside one's person?

But nevertheless, I don't want to smell them.

Sketchy said...

PS: How does one pronounce "Nevaeh"? Neva as in "No your neva gonna get it. No, your neva gonna get it. Not this time..."

Nay-va? Sorry, got no song for that one.

Nay-va-eh?

BarnGoddess said...

hahaha!

your camera has ventured where no camera has ventured before...

brave one!~

Carrot Jello said...

Why not?

Elizabeth-W said...

I really should think outside the box a bit more about what kind of picture would look good on a blog. :)

Nancy Face said...

The award blingy things are flying around...I have yet another one for you! :D

jams o donnell said...

Ach EWBL that was the first POD song I've ever head... Christian RAP metal can be abbreviated appropriately!

As for passive odour dispensers, they really are pitiful!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Thank you all for being fine, upstanding PATRONS of this here blog post. :)

I'm really not that nasty in public. I promise. I just thought that a Passive Odor Dispenser would be pretty amateur-ish against someone of my skills. And I had my camera with me in the bathroom because I didn't want to leave it out in the truck.

sketchy- It's pronounced Ne-VAY-UH.(I thought that backwards stuff was supposedly Satanic. Why would a born again Christian use heaven spelled backwards as a name for his kid?)

Nancy- I'm lazy about putting awards in my sidebar but I sure do love getting them!

jams- Yeah. It's not exactly my flavor of music either.

Physcokity said...

Talk about a death match! ooh now that would be fighting dirty...using matches I mean.
Not fighting Monkey style.