Sunday, March 16, 2008

This Cake Could Potentially Save Your Life!

So, this weekend I donned my very festive beach-themed apron and magically transformed into The Smiling Infidel Gourmet!

I baked up a delectable treat that's not only the embodiment of chocolate bliss but can also help immunize your entire family against the dastardly Avian Flu. Seriously. Just read this article. Yeah, life-saving cake that you don't even need a prescription or an overseas Internet drug dealer for.

Here's all the ingredients assembled together. You might want to add a hair net to your list because life-saving or not, most people don't care to munch on hair strands embedded amongst the cakey morsels.

Ummmmm, I know it's magnificent, but please stop staring at my sexy red spatula. kthx.
This is the part where you throw everything haphazardly into a shiny metal bowl. Throwing everything around haphazardly- that's where my secret kitchen talent lay.
For this next step you need to have a beefy, steroid-induced bodybuilder on stand-by to break the nearly impenetrable seal on the sauerkraut jar using sheer brute force. Otherwise, you'll be standing there in your kitchen moaning and grunting and panting while trying to loosen up the sauerkraut lid while your husband sits in the next room wondering if you checked out that Joy Of Erotic Cooking cookbook from the library.

You now have the sauerkraut precisely where you want it. The sauerkraut is a prisoner of your cutting board with nowhere to run to and nowhere to hide as you show off your mad knife-wielding skills and hack it into oblivion. You are the master and commander of the kitchen blade. That'll show those mofos over at Benihana Grill for refusing to hire you!
Whenever I use my mixer I like to sing that classic 80's song by The Cars, Shake It Up, only I change the words to "Mix it up, oooh, ooh, mix it up...." This is a very crucial instruction. If you don't encourage and play cheerleader for your mixer, your cake will turn out crappy. Notice that I'm using Libby's brand sauerkraut for my masterpiece. Yeah, Bush's Best sauerkraut just wasn't good enough. Sorry, Bush's. If one day I decide to make a canned baked beans cake, you're in!
Be extremely cautious as you transfer the batter over to the greased-up Bundt cake pan. If you get any batter on you the Police will automatically arrive at your doorstep and haul you away to a battered women's shelter.
Behold........the majestic awesomeness of my SARS-fighting secret weapon, Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake! I like the way it looks covered up in powdered sugar. It gives it a bit of "Walking In A Winter Wonderland" whimsy, don't you think? The mini-Infidels took this to their Homeschool Book Club and nobody could guess the secret ingredient. Nobody! Oh, that sauerkraut is really a genius master of disguise, fooling and deceiving all who get close to it. I'm going to put some on my next IRS audit.

We're not through with the Sauerkraut celebration just yet. The Smiling Infidel Gourmet will soon delve into the exotic wonder of The Passion For Sauerkraut cookbook to bring you the tantalizing recipe for Sauerkraut Custard Pie which is sure to also ward off sickness while delighting your taste buds!

36 comments:

Bee said...

No, you MUST be joking! No way did you really put sauserkraut-saurekret or however it's spelled, in a cake! No way.

glittersmama said...

Are you going to feed me sauerkraut in Oregon?

Bee said...

Did you taste? Was it for someone you don't like very much?
I promise I will try never to get on your bad side.

Uh.. I don't mean to imply you have one... no. You are the nicest, sweetest, funniest person EVER!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

The cake is good. I mean reaaallly good!

You chop up the sauerkraut and the texture kind of dissolves into the cake but it makes it super moist and extra cakey.

The kids at Homeschool Book Club wolfed down 2-3 pieces each before they found out the truth. They looked like they wanted to hurl after they found out and my kids showed them the half-used jar of sauerkraut!

b. said...

NOW you post it!!
I coulda used this last week when I caught SARS.

ps. that is one red hot spatula!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

The part that made me laugh about this post is that there really is a cookbook called The Passion Of Sauerkraut.

I think Mel Gibson is looking into movie rights. :)

Glittersmama, Sure. I'll add that along to my schedule of spoon-feeding you my Mueslix cereal.

Carrot Jello said...

You can rename your blog, "The Infidel Woman Cooks."
You know where I went shopping on Friday?
"Saars Market".
Oh yes, I really did.
I LOVE sauerkraut!!!!

Hilary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hilary said...

The battered woman comment made me snort. I turned away from the mixing bowl first though. ;)

Nancy Face said...

"...battered women's shelter..."

HAHAHAHAHA! :D

Nancy Face said...

I HATE sauerkraut with a passion...but I'm feeling pretty passionate toward that sexy red spatula.

Elizabeth-W said...

I have heard of this cake, but never tried it. I think if you really can't taste it, my brain would still fill in the taste gap, convinced it could taste the kraut. :(

Lori said...

Sorry, it's taken me awhile to get back here to comment as I was 'busy'...what with the red spatuala making me want to touch myself and all.

ew...saurkraut cake...

Lisa said...

I just wanted to quickly say, Thank goodness Julie is gone.

Now I will go read about cake.

Lisa said...

Wow. I've never had the kraut, so I don't even know what to think. My brain is saying Nooooo! But my white blood cells are saying YES!

nikko said...

"battered women's shelter" Duh. Now I get it. I'm so slow.

I think my brain would taste it, too. So when are you going to start up a cooking blog?

Jean Knee said...

did that crazy arugula chick put you up to this?


Just don't French any birds and you won't get avian flu...

the cake did look kinda good

on.the.run said...

I would try this cake but I don't know if I want to try it bad enough to make it. I make a pizza that has Kielbasa sausage sliced of potatoe, Saurkraut and provolone... it's pretty good.

Stacey said...

That spatula is H-A-W-T.

I don't know how to feel about kraut in a cake though. It sounds like something you would buy at a county fair.

"Step on up and get some kraut-in-a-cake!"

Millie said...

Does this cake require Beano first, so there'll Beano gas after?

b's comment got me thinking - Disney should make a movie called That Darn SARS! in her honor.

I stared at your pictures in disbelief. You didn't really put sauerkraut in a cake - did you?

BarnGoddess said...

I LOVE sauerkraut!!

now I want some of this cake right NOW

It's Just me! said...

I've never been fond of sauerkraut but you have my attention! I swear (but I'll refrain right now) you can sell anything! And you make cooking sound so fun! I'm coming to your house!

Physcokity said...

Some people will eat anything if it's covered in chocolate.

I wiki'd some flu info and I did happen to catch a reference to an infamous individual.

aubrey said...

wow. i definitely want to try this. paul would MURDER me if he found out, though.

Bee said...

Maybe it's because I'm hungry... it looks good to me now.

No Cool Story said...

NO.
No.
No.

I'm going to walk away and petrend I didn't see the sauerkraut cake.

Rebecca said...

I'm weird. I want to try it.

You actually made me laugh out loud twice. TWICE! That is pretty impressive.

Wondering where those laughs came in? The "Joy of Erotic Cooking" was one, the IRS audit was the other one.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I'm telling you, you do not taste the sauerkraut at all. It just tastes like really moist and delicious chocolate cake and the best part is that you can mostly make the whole thing in one bowl so it's very easy with minimal cleanup involved.

I'm glad you guys liked the more domestic side of me. Maybe for my next Infidel Gourmet installment I'll introduce y'all to the magical world of Tater Tot Casserole.

shay said...

did you really say chocolate SAUERKRAUT cake? Are you sure?! I know you like to play with us....

jams o donnell said...

Wow I must study and the Infidel cordon bleu cookery school! I'd never thought of Sauerkraut! THen again carrot cake is delicious. It just being St Paddy's day I wonder what would have happened if you added green cabbage and spuds in rather than "Liberty Cabbage".

Millie said...

Amen on "liberty cabbage."

It sure is... ahem... liberating.

Geosomin said...

Sauerkraut?
For real?
But what if I *like* SARS?

I'd honestly have to make this without anyone seeing that part, but I need to know how this tastes.
It's like Coke & ketchup chicken wings...deadly good until someone tells you what is in them. But they'd never know....bwaha.

I think I'll be making a cake this weekend...yum.

VE said...

Dang, I didn't know sauerkraut was so versatile. I'd use it more but it's hard to spell...

Julia said...

I'm always suspicious of these vegetable-containing cakes. How can you not taste it??? I believe you, but...

Lauren said...

What exactly is sauerkraut? Anything with the word "sour" in it...or anything that sounds like it, scares me. Buuuuuut that cake looks delicious and "winter wonderland"ish.

carronin said...

Did you say chocolate and easy to make? I'm in!