Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Wow, I Didn't Know You Could Get That In A Giant Economy Pack!

This post is sashaying about flirtatiously right on my self-imposed boundary lines of decency. However, I can no longer quell the constant internal dialogue that strikes up within me whenever I bear witness to the pervasive fugliness on display in this yard. If you're easily offended, this is an opportune time to go catch up on your Smurf latch-hook pillow project you've been working on for the past 25 years.


Behold The Wicked Light Fixtures Lighting Up The Forbidden Path:And Here's The Up Close And Personal And In Yo Face Zoom Version:

Upon further scrutiny with my steely Infidel eyes, all I could think was hoooooollllyyyy crrrraaaapppp, when did the adult novelty stores add a lawn & garden department?

Look, I'm all for dual-function products to optimize efficiency and practicality but these yard lights are careening down a very slippery slope. There's some dark crevices where a light just shouldn't be shone into unless you're a practicing physician. I don't even want to think about the crossover potentials of this kind of perversion. What's next, pulsing, vibrating flashlights for your annual family camp-out? And the very worst part is that while these lawn lights with their solar-charged batteries may be eco-friendly and all, but do we really, honestly want to live in a world where people brazenly flaunt their personal toys right out in the front yard during broad daylight like this?

I think I heard the homewoner somewhere behind the beveled-glass front door crooning the main chorus to You Light Up My Life as I stealthily snapped this picture. Putting the "bedroom" in "bedroom community." Shazam!

I've been a bad, bad girl. I know. I'm ashamed. I need to be punished. You should get out the velevet whi.........oh wait, what you should really do is click right here on this banner for me. It's a secret petition to stop the manufacturers of ugly yard lights. CLICKETY! Gracias.

Humor-Blogs.com

27 comments:

b. said...

Ok, before I read the whole thing...and was just looking at the pics, I'm thinking, "Hey, who and why did they bury their magic wands?"

What happens when you turn them on?

b. said...

I think I'll head on down to the dollar store and buy me one of those smurf latch hook things.....






.....sorry.

Explo Siffarts said...

How very naughty.

*BOOOOOM*

Did you hear something?

glittersmama said...

Now I know what to get you for your blogiversary!

Stacey said...

What are you doing taking pictures of my yard?? Pervert.

Stacey said...

However as soon as I saw the words,"Wow, I Didn't Know You Could Get That In A Giant Economy Pack!" I knew that naughtiness would follow.

Stacey said...

You will notice I'm still here.

I'm twisted,I know.

No Cool Story said...

Oh.
so very very naughty Elastic.

Wait, whare are you talking about?

Elizabeth-W said...

My comment was gonna be "I don't get it" but then I saw B's comment, and I 100% got it.

Jean Knee said...

crap infidel, you're always doing that: I've been naughty please whip me and then you snatch it back. so un fun.

see I'm so innocent I thought they looked like microphones

Millie said...

I wouldn't even know what one looked like.

*nose in the air*

It's Just me! said...

Those are really sick and wrong! Don't they sell covers for those things? heehee. . . OK, that was bad. I guess I'll go put the finish stitch in the smurf pillow.

Bee said...

They have ones shaped as smurfs???

Are they the same size as smurfs? Cuz then they'd plugs... for your ears.

word verification:

WAATF. EXACTLY!

Bee said...

I was going to comment about half an hour ago but then we got called to morning meeting.
How inconsiderate!

Lori said...

LMAO! Those do NOT look like what you are referencing. I think you have a mind that enjoys the gutter. lol ;P

Lisa said...

I thought it looked like a runway. I have pure thoughts, Elastic. ;)

carronin said...

At first I thought you talking about their path looking like the male anatomy and I thought that's a stretch. I get it now, you naughty girl.

VE said...

Well if they came from the adult store then they will pop up a little more when you turn them on ;)

Physcokity said...

Despite the fact that the falic reference completely eluded me. I just thought that they looked like a tasteless waste of money...

Nancy Face said...

I don't get it.

Wait a second...OHHH! ;)

Lauren said...

I reaaaaally don't get it. And I am not joking. I think I am glad inside haha!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Well, see if I had been more obvious this post would have crossed those imaginary boundary lines. I thought about talking about "Good Vibrations" or mentioning that this type of apparatus comes in various colors depending on personal tastes and how this one must be gray for women who like guys who have a heart condition and subsequently have gray skin. I could have posted more but subtlety won. :) It just amused me to think about that kind of thing being solar powered and having a little light on the top of it.

VE- Yes. You rub on them to turn them on.

aubrey said...

naughty, naughty elastic.

Lisa said...

Hahaha!! You are hilarious!

damon said...

Yeah, my comment is waaay down here cause I had to google 27 of those big words in the 1st paragraph.

The kids shouldn't allow their parents to leave their toys in the yard like that. They obviously just don't know how to raise parents.

jams o donnell said...

Well Elastic, it occurred to me that the manufacturers of such products are doing their bit to prevent global warming by creating solar powered models......

on.the.run said...

Solar powered... geniuses.

They also sell special wipes for them... you know incase the lights aren't shining as bright as they should.