We're bonafide Infidels, so naturally we celebrated the resurrection of our Savior yesterday because that's just what bonafide Infidels do. However, if you assume that we traveled the traditional super-suburbanite route by getting the mini-Infidels all gussied up in matching pinafore dresses and pastel seersucker pants for a picture with the Easter Bunny followed by a gay afternoon coloring eggs, you'd be wrong. First of all, calling eggs "colored" seems racially insensitive and I certainly didn't want the E.E.O.C to show up and squash our Easter fun. Instead, we started a new tradition. I didn't have time to fill plastic eggs and hide them like I usually do so I instructed the mini-Infidels to gather around in the living room with their baskets and then we played a little game I like to call "Easter Parade." I pretended to be a giant parade float coincidentally constructed out of elastic waistband pants and an obnoxious 'Where My Peeps At?' T-shirt to look exactly like me. Wow. So there I was, gliding gracefully down the carpeted thoroughfare, tossing candy and treats out wildly to the enthusiastic parade crowd as I passed by. It was chaotic, sure, but nobody got maimed or flattened in a frenzied Skittles stampede, so it's all good.
The two eldest Infidel daughters put the squishy, glitter putty they caught during the grand Infidel Easter parade to good use. Infidel daughter the second lovingly crafted hers into a gelatinous thong bikini. It's not one of the Ten Commandments but I'm relatively sure it's written somewhere that Thou Shalt Not Construct Thongs Out Of Silly Putty On The Sabbath Day Nor Easter.
We shopped at Sam's Club on Saturday to prepare for our gala Easter dinner and Sunbum pointed out this box. Yeah, inexplicably, the words: DO NOT CRAB is printed on it. Who do those Chinese think they are telling us not to crab like that? Maybe it was a misprint and it should have read: DO NOT CRAP. The Chinese want us to stop crapping so that we all self-implode. Sneaky Chinese. They really are out to get us..
Melody desperately needs a new bed but we just don't have the space for one. Luckily for us, Sam's Club sells a practical bedding solution for the low, low price of $24.99. Melody gave her new sleeping arrangements the all-important butt-plopping test right there on the Sam's Club floor while striking a Cleopatra pose for the camera. It's a bed fit for a dog named Queen!
Oh, those poor, pitiful little cheeses having to live life without their balls. :(
We chose the herb-marinated salmon for our main course and washed it down with a robust and fragrant grape juice vintage 2007 from the Kroger frozen aisle vineyards. Yeah, I know that you're not supposed to drink white grape juice or swill from wine glasses filled with Hi-C Punch when dining on fish. We're not completely unrefined heathens, even though we are eating off of melamine plates I scored for cheeep at Target and drinking from dollar store plastic cups.
Thank you for joining us on this very special Infidel Easter Episode. No chocolate bunnies were harmed in the making of this post........ mainly because we don't buy chocolate bunnies until they hit 75% off at the After-Easter Sales.