Sunday, April 20, 2008

Cue The Patti LaBelle Music.....I Got A New Attitude!

I've been really churlish lately. It's not hard to understand why since I brought all the misery to myself with my own misplaced priorities. See, I stopped going to church with my family back in February. Yeah, I really did. I went from Smiling Infidel to Frowning Heathen even faster. I guess this was truly my winter of discontent.

My defiance began brewing when I was released from my Nursery calling in January. I've never gone without a calling in the 10 years since I converted to the Church. Never. I've felt really useless and I started justifying my Church absence because I assumed that nobody really needed me.....only they do. My family needs me there. They need me to pull my act together and behave in a manner that will bring familial blessings to our home as promised in the Scriptures. How could I have lost the way so fast?

It's just way too easy to use my job schedule as an excuse for missing Church. I've worked every single stinkin day for the past 6 years despite illness and pregnancy and car crashes, true enough, but I've allowed that weariness to ingratiate itself into my life as a hard and bitter presence.

Out with the old and in with the new.

I got the most fantastic deal on this dress at Macy's today. And thanks to my job, the one that I usually curse and despise, I saw the Macy's coupon printed on the back of the newspaper allowing me to save an additional 10 bucks. I haven't bought a new dress for church since Y2K. It was about time.

Not only do we homebirth and homeschool around here but we also play home hair salon.

I have quite an impressive hair-cutting repertoire when it comes to my boys. They get to choose between Buzz Cut, Crew Cut, Army Cut, or Yul Brynner cut. With money being tight, I opted to play the role of Elastic Scissorhands and trim up the Infidel girls hair today.

Caterpillar has grown her hair out for 2 years in the interest of donating it to Locks Of Love. Two years to grow, and only 30 seconds to snip it all off.


Impressed with the cutty prowess I showed on Caterpillar, the second oldest mini-Infidel, Monkey, volunteered to be next up on the Hair BOB Express.

Because Melody lives by the credo 'Monkey See, Monkey Do' she got a matching sister haircut.

They all stood perfectly statue-still while I worked the ancient BOB hair magic on them. Even though they were perfect angels, they didn't get a lollipop when I was done. That's okay, because they didn't leave any money on my makeshift paper plate Tip Jar, either.

I also collected enough hair off the floor to make oodles of arm pit hair wigs for all those less fortunate people suffering from Chronic Armpit Baldness Disorder!

40 comments:

glittersmama said...

It's so nice of you to think of those poor, bald armpits. Do you offer any styles with the wigs? Braids, dreads, etc?

Awesome deal on your new dress for church. I haven't had a new dress that wasn't a maternity dress for a long time. Maybe you should call me the next time there is such a good sale! I would hook you up with something great like gas station nachos or something.

Melissa said...

I haven't been around much... family was visiting and such... love the new look!!
It's so easy to stop going to church... my kids were sick... then I was sick... and then I just didn't want to go back. A new dress would have helped... especially one that cute! Don't you have a bracelet and earrings that just might match?? Maybe not quite...
Your girls look awesome! I've never dared cut Baby Girl's hair... I'm afraid I'd have to buzz it off for it to look okay!

Elizabeth-W said...

Yea for you, for the new attitude, dress and good use of scissors. We're all get on the straight and narrow!
I seriously think you need to enjoy your break from church callings.
My lesson is 12 tomorrow--I am thankful for animals.
I went to the library and checked out all Eric Carle's books--you know...Brown Bear Brown bear what do you see, what do you hear, etc.
See....you don't have to do that whole scene tomorrow! Enjoy! :)

damon said...

churlish- adj.: Of, like, or befitting a churl.

churl- n. : 1. A miserly person.
2. A rude boorish person, See boor.

boor- n. : A person with rude, clumsy manners and little refinement. A peasant.

Waaaay too much research for a Sunday. But I never heard that before. Sorry you're feeling rude and clumsy.

Lisa said...

:) Your family does need you! It's so easy to stay home. I don't think there is anyone who doesn't think that or hasn't experienced it. It is a well deserved break. You have a full plate.

Cute cute cute girls!!!!

Awesome dress! Church is always better in a new dress!

jams o donnell said...

I had not heard of Locks of Love before I started visiting the Smiling Infidel. I'm glad to see you are championing a sister organisation, Oxters of Love. I a so pleased EWBL!

Palm Springs Savant said...

LOL This had me in stitches laughing. nicely done today!

Hey It's Di said...

I can relate with recently acquiring a new attitude. I was released in December as YW Pres. and felt like I wasn't needed anymore. Duh! I have come back to reality again though.

Elastic, you do a much better job in the cutting department than Edward anyday and the girls are darling:) Your generosity to those less fortunate hairless armpit dwellers will be so greatly appreciated! You're a gem:D

Tori :) said...

Yeah for the attitude adjustment! :) See- you're awesome because a lot of people would have quit going because they were called to nursery- not released. :)

Bee said...

I still think you're an amazing person even when churly.

I haven't gone to church in 20 years, after my aunt died. I'm wrestling alligators.

Tracy said...

I'm kind of in a mood with church myself. So you were not alone! America is filled with people who aren't going to church for one reason or another!

That dress was great!

Jean Knee said...

I never go to church so I can't comment on that part.
But-those bobs are so cute. I cut Lean's hair sometimes, not into a bob. If I didn't have Peter Pan hair I'd get a bob.

i don't own a dress, at all, nada

Alice said...

Hey - the bob is my favorite hairstyle for GirlChild! Very nice!

Carrot Jello said...

I've got some leg hair to donate.

No Cool Story said...

What a pretty dress!
Aww Elastic, thanks for coming back to church. We DO need you :)

You are so talented. See? You don't even need to scrapbook.

Sheyenne said...

Hi there. Usually a lurker here. I'm LDS as well, and wanted to comment here. I've had that feeling before as well, but it really isn't true, as you've found out. Your family does need you there. And the rest of the ward does too. I converted 12 years ago, so we're not far off in that respect.
Also want to say that I love reading your blog. You always give me a good laugh, and I always try to "Clickety" and then check your rankings on Humor Blog!

Chell said...

Good on you for deciding to get back into the swing of churchy things:) I've also been lacking poorly in that dept and am going to be a new church dress for some motivation! :-)
Keep well and have an awesome week!

Suzanne said...

Yul Bryner haircut? That's bald, right? That's what we do for our boys half the time because it's effortless. Once the school pictures are taken, their hair usually gets taken too...

I know it's hard to have a good attitude with church stuff sometimes. I've dealt with that too. (Hubby and I attempt to teach 9 4-year olds every Sunday in Primary.) So ***hugs*** for you and your new attitude! :)

Millie said...

"Elastic Scissorhands" is my phrase of the day.

The girls look cute and so does the dress.

Amen on being "churlish."

what's a donzer said...

You have some serious scissor skills! They look so cute! You deserve two new dresses for that effort! Nicely done!

BarnGoddess said...

'Yul Brynner' hahahaha! I think I gave one of my boys the SAME style once...

omg, your girls are so pretty! donating to locks of love is VERY kind, I know a little girl who received a wig thru their program and it meant the world to her :)

Im a heathen too......glad youve found your way back, I am still out here floundering around in the great plains of religion and faith.

Jean Knee said...

Hey, Bee need one of those wigs for her anemic bush. will you share?

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Marie said...

I tried the home salon thing and it was disastrous. I just can't see in three dimensions. I will probably cut Jessamine's hair once she gets some, I think I can handle bangs and such. But boys and mens haircuts I just can't do.

VE said...

Chronic Armpit Baldness Disorder!

You make that sound like a bad thing. That would be awesome!

damon said...

Where'd you go?

Bad news. The Infidel has been misplaced!
Good news. The mommy blogger went too!
A womb at the inn(sane) is now posting with her description. (or maybe she has 7 kids too)

clickin for your happy, timely return!

Rebecca said...

Congratulations on your dress! You did a great job on the girls' hair, they look adorable!

I want an armpit hair wig. I'm sure my husband would love it! Hee hee.
Although I bet you could sell them in Europe.

nora.lakehurst said...

Elastic-
First off Congrats on your worries of being a MOM and coming back. I know it is hard at times and you dont want to go. I know that your life will become so much better for it. Your children will thank you when they are older and that you will smile upon them when they have children and they have to take them.
Read Elder Ballards talk. He is so great and it was from this recent conference. Good luck and SMILES all around.

Rhonda said...

Give those kiddos a hug from Auntie Rhonda in Pearland! I cut my hair off this week for Locks of Love too!!! Small (and good) world.

aubrey said...

sorry you got released and sorry for the hard time you've been having church-wise. i hope things are looking up! here's to elastic! of COURSE your ward needs you! who wouldn't? and nice job at cutting hair, supermom. i can cut max and paul's hair fairly well. but i do a horrible job on ava's. so, you rock! and i like your new look.

Klin said...

I'm loving those bobs. So cute. Looks like your middle daughter has some sass. She reminds me of my youngest. Sweet and sassy.

Yay for getting the dress on sale and with a coupon, too! Score.

Now about church- there is always a need for real people. You know, those of us that are not perfect. Just the presence of a real person helps others from getting too haughty. Wow, that was a mean thought. But I'm real, so I am leaving it.

Nancy Face said...

Sorry it took me so long to come around...I got back from being out of town and posted, then my computer freaked out and tried to crash! :0

Nancy Face said...

You are so awesome to be getting your new attitude and returning to church with your mini-Infidels. You're right...they really DO need you! Others need you too, even though it's not so easy to see it sometimes.

Ya know what? I wish so much I was in the same ward with you! Now that would be a blast! :D

I like what Klin said...and if church was for perfect people, there would be NO ONE there!

Nancy Face said...

That dress is so dang cute! I'm glad you found it. Don't you just love coupons? :)

Nancy Face said...

I'm so proud of Caterpillar for growing out her hair and donating it to Locks of Love. What an amazing, selfless act! :)

You did such a good job on your cute girls' hair! My dad always cut my hair with the orange kitchen shears when I was growing up, and the results were pretty...

...pretty FRIGHTENING! :0

Nancy Face said...

I talk too much.

Nancy Face said...

I need to go to bed.

Sister Jones in your ward said...

I find this post offensive, due to the alarmingly huge stick up my tush.

(I have to go repent now for using such a repulsive phrase)

Lauren said...

Wow, nancyface took up the whole comment box.

I love your new dress, I bet you are such a babe in it :)

Your daughters are so darling!