Monday, April 14, 2008
Infidel Parenting Pointers: Prolonging The Life Of Your Crayons
Do you silently cringe whenever you have to blow 4-5 bucks on a giant box of name-brand Crayola crayons for your child only to see those crayons mashed into the carpet/snapped into pieces/wrapper-less/crayon tip-circumcised/used for furniture graffiti just a few scant days later?
We all know that purchasing cheaply-made generic crayons isn't the solution either because they're too wax-heavy and ineffective to create any artistic feats of wonder. Seriously, you'd be better off in your coloring ventures using the waxy Paris Hilton dummy from Madame Tussauds than inferior crayons imported from China.
So, what to do? Simple. The answer is in black and white. Only purchase coloring books for your children that feature black bears, zebras, pandas, and black panthers. (Make sure you're buying the animal kingdom's version of the black panther and not the supremacist organization. That could be problematic.) See, those species are already printed in their natural coloring. There's no need to sully any of your crayons. Genius. To continue on in the name of crayon preservation you must also steer your children away from any of those pesky, imaginative outbursts. Yes, they may gush excitedly, talking about how cute a purple, polka-dotted panda would look, but you must squash that creative uprising before they want to utilize and ultimately destroy all the colors in the box.
*This Parenting Pointer Tip Brought To You By The Crayon Conservation Coalition*