Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Chronicles Of Appalling Parenting: Sunday Night Palm Reading

So, me and the mini-Infidels were sitting around on Sunday evening just chillaxin and reading each other's palms.
What? Doesn't every religious family break the Biblical commandment about divinification and read palms on Sunday immediately following church services?
Anyway, my daughter, Caterpillar(so named for her giant, furry eyebrows) played the part of an 8-year old soothsayer.

She carefully examined the deep crevices stretching across my palms. She answered all my questions without hesitation; deep, profound questions like:
Will I die before I'm 30?
Will I have children?
What am I going to cook for dinner tomorrow?
And then it was Caterpillar's turn.
I lovingly took her small, bronzed hand in mine and announced that the long line across the middle of her palm was the designated "Eyebrow Indicator." I showed her that a continuous line means that she's destined to have an eternal uni-brow and one day grow up to assume her role as Bride Of Uni-brow and have many uni-browed children running around.

The oldest of the mini-Infidels, Sunbum then led us gaily into song.
There's nothing quite like the soaring sound of a family singing as one harmonious a chord.
Did we gather around the piano to sing from the hymnal?
No.
Did we use the Children's Songbook from Church for uplifting musical inspiration?
No.
Sunbum directed us while we heartily belted out Hall & Oate's song, Maneatear.
"Ooooh, here she comes. Watch out, boy she'll chew you up!"
We often sing Maneater while walking through the aisles at Sam's Club.
Sunbum is so well-rehearsed at it that she throws in this hand-snapping motion as she sways from side-to-side and jazzily shakes her shoulders.
With those moves, Sunbum will definitely land a major role in Hall & Oates:The Musical!

Well, in my defense as a mother, Hall & Oates are always described by music critics as "blue-eyed soul."
Technically, we all engaged in singing sweet, sweet music full of soul on a lovely Sunday evening.
Yes sirree, it was quite a hootenanny until my youngest son asked to be excused.
I guess his soul was all filled-up courtesy of Hall & Oates.

27 comments:

Lisa said...

I would love to see your Infidel concert! It does sound like a hootenanny!

Alice said...

Ooo..ooo...I want you guys to read my palm so I'll know what's for dinner tomorrow! I'm more of a chocolate eater than a man eater though.

Geosomin said...

She only comes out at night....

Cool. You are way cooler tahn my Mum. I was into reading palms for a bit as a kid and my Mum made a lot of frowny faces and said it was silly. According to my palm I should live a loooooooong life and be a master at playing the tuba.

VE said...

Hall and Oats: The Musical. Now I've heard it all!

Stacey said...

Wow,you guys really know how to get down on a Sunday! I wanna come over after church sometime.

Rebecca said...

Strange? That sounds like a nice, relaxing Sunday evening to me!

damon said...

It all seems pretty normal.

Caterpillars, palm readin and Hall & Oates. The trifecta of good parenting skills.

..she's deadly man, she could really rip your world apart..

Elizabeth-W said...

Do ya'll have The Daring Book for Girls?
There's a couple pages on palm-reading in that.

what's a donzer said...

That's so awesome. Who does Sunburn more resemble - Hall or Oates? Hall is definitely more sensitive, but Oates and the sex-appeal oozing...wow. Maybe it'd be better for her to stick to the Hall impersonation.

BIG RICH said...

HEY, I DON'T HAVE ANY CAREER LINE. IS THAT BAD? I'M STARTING A NEW CAREER SOLVING THE ENERGY CRISIS FROM HOME. MC CAIN HAS ALREADY EMBRACED MY FIRST SUGGESTION TO HIM. "STOP TAXING FUEL!"

Jean Knee said...

I had a palm reading mini book, you know the little mini books at the supermarket checkout

Now I'm wondering where it is

still no itching or twitching--I'll keep you posted

Bee said...

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting Maneater in my head.
Thank you!

Bee said...

BUT I DO WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GETTING RID OF THE WORD VERIFICATION THING!
It's killer on a dyslexic!

jams o donnell said...

Inhope she appears in the West End version... I can't wait!

BarnGoddess said...

I want my palm read too....now I am lipsyncing man-eater...thanks!

Bee said...

I like the new look. For a minute there I htought I had come to the wrong place but it's the right place.

Tori :) said...

So... don't leave us hanging. What DID you make for dinner the next nite??

Jean Knee said...

that is awesome at its most awesomeness about the word verification getting the ax.

watch out for those robots though

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm trying to figure all this template stuff out on my own.

I did good putting in the 3 column, though!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hey It's Di said...

How about if I say something nice and click for you too? Win, win kind of deal. . . Ok, maybe having to read my comment isn't a win deal but oh well.

Love the Sunday palm reading. It is a good thing for a nice Sunday activity I think. A lot like reading Psalms maybe. I still want to come to your house! You are a fun family! I took a nap. *sigh!*
Love the idea of Hall & Oates Musical! Can't wait for the Infidel debut:D

Stacey said...

Love the new digs.

Lisa said...

Hey! Look at your new blog! I like it! One day I am going to wow you with changes to mine. One day.....

JLC Studio said...

Oh my gosh! You are too funny...and your kids sound like they are just as fun!

btw...you won the give-away on my blog!!!! You are the winner of the custom banner from Rio Oso Designs! Shoot me an email to redeem your prize! jlcstudio@yahoo.com.

Thanks for entering!

Nancy Face said...

Every Sunday, immediately following church services, I get in my jammies and stay that way for the rest of the day...ahhh! :)

Nancy Face said...

I would SOOO love to join in singing my guts out with Sunbum and the Infidels! :)

Nancy Face said...

Unibrows don't stand a chance at my house. I frequently attack my children with tweezers...I always win, muahaha! >:)

jams o donnell said...

I like the new layout.