Friday, April 11, 2008

Inspirations From Infidel Indigestion.....

Today's inspirational moment came to me via a can of honey roasted peanuts gluttonously consumed during the wee hours of the morning only to return via my digestive tract a short time later.

Everytime I belched, it tasted exactly like peanut butter.

When I tried to wash down the peanut butter-burp gagginess with a glass of grape juice, it resulted in gassy, mouth-flatulence reminiscent of the time when I was 6 and would only eat peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches which subsequently sent me into a PB&J-induced coma.

So, in order to maintain a perfect and harmonious balance between you and your esophagus, do not use grape juice to chase down the pound of peanuts you just ate......unless of course, you're one of those super lazy people who eat dry cereal and then wash it down with milk because you're too slovenly to get out a bowl and spoon. If you're one of those kinds of people, think of this post as a recipe to a yummy PB&J shortcut.

28 comments:

aubrey said...

elastic you're just FULL of helpful information. those slovenly people will be jumping for joy at this recipe offered on your blog. pure genius.

aubrey said...

haha! first!! i don't think this has ever happened to me before. and now i've got second if no one's beat me to it...

aubrey said...

sweet.

Elizabeth-W said...

I'm just mesmerized by that cute not-knife-not-spoon utensil.

Bee said...

I saw the peanut butter craved a PB&J sandwich but we're out! :o(

VE said...

I want the milk inside the cereal when I buy it cause I'm too lazy to walk to the fridge and get the milk...

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Aubrey's Number One! Aubrey's Number One!

Aubrey's Number Two! Aubrey's Number Two!

Aubrey's Number Three! Aubrey's Number Three!

I'm afraid you might collapse under the weight of all three place medals.

elasticwaistbandlady said...
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elasticwaistbandlady said...

I left out a very important tip that I learned from a blog friend who shall remain anonymous. A certain Chickensnoot among us likes to shovel Nestle Quik powder into her mouth by the spoonful and then drink some milk and swish it around in her cheeks to make instant chocolate milk!

Now that's genius and laziness all rolled into one nice little package!

Hey It's Di said...

I think I will follow my peanuts up with chocolate. I find that to be the solution to everything. If I burp that, it will taste like peanut M&Ms.

I'm with Bee though, the mere mention (along with the photo) made me crave a PB&J sandwhich. Gotta go get me one.

Hey It's Di said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rhonda said...

I wish I would have read this a few months back when I was pregnant. I would have given ANYTHING for the reflux to taste like peanut butter sandwiches. Instead it was some weird combo of stomach acid, Tums, and EVIL.

jams o donnell said...

What excellent advice. I shall get some Honey roast peanuts and grape juice and enjoy the taste of pb&j all day!

Sketchy said...

And people say you never give out handy household tips! I mean not that I would associate with people who would say that or anything. I'm just assuming. Not that I'd assume anything bad about you or that you are lacking in anyway.

Lauren said...

I just finished eating a PBJ while reading your post...how ironic!

I eat cereal in a handful and then wash it down with milk ONLY because I get sicked out by even slightly sogged cereal....(ugh the horror!)

glittersmama said...

Can't stop laughing about elastic's comment to aubrey. :)

Stacey said...

Talk about subliminal advertising. I'm craving a PB&J now and I haven't had any for a few months.

Tracy said...

You deserve some sort of award for all the helpful tips you give us Elastic!
I see in the comments that you inspired a lot of people crave pb&j's but unfortunately for me, you inspired me to crave the honey roasted peanuts, of which we have none. :(

a kelly said...

I was going to leave a comment on the naughty street name post but I thought you might think less of me.
I clicked for you, by the way.

Amber said...

This post gave me heartburn just thinking about it!

And if you're going to eat five pounds of something, make sure it's cookie dough. Oh, how I miss my cookie dough.....

Lisa said...

Mmmm, I love the pb&j. I lived on that and grape juice as a kid. I don't remember retasting it.

Palm Springs Savant said...

when I was a kid I used to eat two pb&j sndiwches with a tall glass of tang. everyday. and I mean everyday. for years.

Millie said...

I deny everything!!!!!

*wiping Quik off my chin*

Annie said...

I only like peanut butter on waffles or surrounded by chocolate.

Nancy Face said...

I sort of want to try it...your burp-y-ness sounds rather tasty.

Nancy Face said...

I can completely relate to the gluttonous consuming of large quantities of ANYTHING yummy in the wee hours of the morning, including Cap'n Crunch...with milk!

Physcokity said...

hahaha and yes I'm still thinking about that cool PBJ utensil, and Elastic's comment to Aubrey!

I agree with di except I'm thinking it would taste less like Peanut M&Ms and more like Peanut Butter Cups or Butterfingers, but still quite tastey!

Geosomin said...

All I can say is I learned the same thing about ketchup chips and jelly beans.

You don't want to know...just don't ever do it. Even when PMS tells you you must.