Thursday, May 15, 2008

More Evidence That You Truly Do Get What You Pay For!

Marvel Comics Inc. so thoroughly despised Ang Lee's (Mr. Brokeback Mountain) 2003 movie production of The Incredible Hulk they bought back the film rights. They then hired the cerebral but smokin hot actor, Ed Norton, to play the titular role as the hulking/hunky man-beast.

The movie drops June, 13.

Now then, those of you that have young sons/old sons/old husbands who think they're young, at home means that you will be purchasing some of the all new Incredible Hulk merchandise lining store shelves soon. Yes, you will, because you can't stand to hear your young son/old son/old husband who thinks he's young, whine and throw a Hulk-sized hissy in the middle of Target.

Likely the new dolls action figures will look similar to the one pictured below. A nice hybrid of Hulks past and present as though they all got together, mated, and produced some green offspring.

"Awwww look, he has Lou Ferrigno's adorable mouth, Eric Bana's intense eyes, and Ed Norton's cute little nose."


A warning to all those foolish enough to wander off the major toy retailer path: The Dollar Stores couldn't afford to pay hefty merchandise licensing fees. Consequently, they took inspiration from another source for their own generic line of Hulk toys.

When he's not cheating on his wife with underaged and deranged teenagers, soliciting prostitutes, serving jail time, defrauding insurance companies, and being an all around slimeball, Joey Buttafuoco spends his days posing for discount Incredible Hulk stuff.

I'm not sure when Joey starred as The Incredible Hulk that would give him such figure-posing cred. Maybe the New York prison system produced Hulk! The Musical and Joey got the lead part based on his predilection for goofy pants, his hot temper, and his furry but animated "jazz hands."


Look for the new Dollar Store line of Wonder Woman toys inspired by Amy Fisher and her new boob job to hit stores nationwide soon.

40 comments:

Physcokity said...

First!

Physcokity said...

The only reason they picked Joey as a hulking man beast had to do with his excessive amounts of hair...if that's the case, why didn't they just pick Robin Williams?

He can beat up the enemy, and take care of the kids all while keeping you in fits of laughter.

Physcokity said...

Speaking of prison musicals I have Keep It Gay from the Producers stuck in my head.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm techincally supposed to still be working. I had to come home and take a little break. I worked all night under Tornado Watch conditions and got soaking wet and now I'm just exhausted.

I'll be around later to visit. :)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Physcokity- The melodic strains of Springtime For Hitler fill my ears and my heart.

damon said...

Just don't make Joey angry.
You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

What's with the purple pants?
Was David Banner a pimp in the new movie?

Hey It's Di said...

Joey and Amy are not quite the super heros I want in my house. I will fight Amy for rights to Wonder Woman. I swear, I grew up pretending I was her always.(Wonder Woman NOT Amy) You know, we have the same name and the same colored hair. . . OK, not the same body but who cares right? I'm sure white, fat, cellulitic bodies look good in that outfit too:)

Yeah, I'm now thinking my doll wouldn't even be worthy of the dollar store!

Jean Knee said...

hey Di, in the old days cellulite and white were hawt. we're just old fashioned is all

Jean Knee said...

really,you think Edward Norton is hawt?

watch out infidel, that fake cock is still lurking in the side lines or whatever that saying is.
beware, infidel, beware

JustRandi said...

Wait. Amy Fischer got a boob job?

Stacey said...

The color purple is too good for Joey's pants! What about those black and white rapper pants he used to wear?

You disgrace the color purple Joey Hulk doll! I spit on you! *ptooey*

Melissa said...

Ah, we are fairly super-hero-less in our home. Hubby doesn't care for them and Red is more of a Star Wars kid. He never got into the Batman or Spiderman thing. So, we won't have such craziness in our home! YEAH!!

Bee said...

I think I was the only one who liked the first Hulk...

That discount Hulk is truly scary. I'd watch all your dolls if I were you.

Millie said...

HULK HATE MOVIE!!!

Whenever I see Joey B., it reminds me of Jan Hooks doing a thing on SNL where she had to say in an English accent, "The House of Butta-fu-O-co" and make this really cheesy dramatic face. It was awesome.

I PITY THE FOO' WHO SEES THIS MOVIE

(sorry - wrong loud muscley guy)

Millie said...

"Mr. T, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when i'm angry."

what's a donzer said...

Love this. Oh ,yes. Love this. I think Amy Fisher is too busy reaping the rewards of her "oops, my sleazy husband just leaked our romantic" sex tape to pose for the WW Costume. But, you know, I've been surprised before.

Off to the Dollar Store...

Suburban Hippy said...

The Butafuco correlation is brilliance.

wynne said...

Okay--I have to admit something. It's not the first time you've made reference to this, either, but I have to know.

What are "jazz hands"? Is that just a funny way of saying that a person can't keep their hands to themselves? Or does it have to do with...well, you know, the music. And if so, what era of jazz? And why? And what does the hulk know about music? Or anything other than losing his temper and breaking stuff?

Tracy said...

I love Dollar Store knock offs! And I almost choked on my coffee when I saw that Joey was the Dollar Store Hulk. Thanks for the laugh! I needed it!

Lori said...

pppppffffffftttttthahahhahahahha Ok, as funny as this post and all these comments are, what got me was what's under the "Leave your comment"! lolol

Ok, dammit! I didn't know about a new Hulk movie till you mentioned it (I actually read it yesterday before all hell broke loose here) and then last night an ad for some Hulk head and hands thingie came on the tv and my son started whining that he wanted it. UGH! Now I'm going to have to go through and explain why there is yet another Hulk movie and who Joey and Amy are....*sulk*

Nancy Face said...

Maybe I'll just get me one of those Joey Buttafuoco saggy-boobed/fuzzy-haired Hulk dolls...just think how it would look, tied to the hitch plate of my red truck, flapping around for all the world to see! :D

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Wynne- Jazz Hands=Happy Hands which equals Spirit Hands

There was something about the eyebrows, nose, and fuzzy hair that just made me think "JOEY!!!!" the moment I saw it at Dollar General store. The sad thing is that Joey Hulk had been languishing on their clearance rack next to an open box of marked down cheddar crackers and a package of scented tampons for months now. Won't someone, anyone give Joey Hulk a good home?!!!???

Super Hero Plastic Surgeons Society said...

We will be offering up breast reconstruction based on the patented Incredible Hulk look soon.

Sign up for your Hulk boob job today and get a free Aquaman gill implant.

Cock N Bull Stew Society President said...

Jean Knee- Send your magnificent cock to me. I'm sure we can get this whole mess sorted out.

I've spent my life admiring cocks, eating cocks, sniffing cocks, petting cocks, training cocks, and authenticating cocks. Believe me I'm a cock expert. If your cock is fake I'd know it in an instant.

Hulk Linguistics School said...

Hulk Says:
Come to my school. We get best teachers teach you speak like Hulk. We beat crap out of you first to make Hulk speak more easy.

Free Hulk Hogan tank top to the first 50 visitors.

Alice said...

I'm sure other people had the same reaction, but I peed myself when I saw the Joey/Hulk comparison. Dead on sistah!

Millie said...

The bottom Hulk looks Asian to me this morning. Sorry. I know that's totally un-PC but it was just begging to be pointed out. Also, I have never claimed to be anything BUT un-PC so why you're even surprised is beyond me.

A short, green, bad-haircut, ripped-purple-pants, Asian man with disproportionate fists... yeah.

Tori :) said...

I think Joey Buttafucco starred a a Hulk porn movie. Maybe that's one the Dollar Store was selling...

Elizabeth-W said...

Brillo Pad Hair.

shay said...

good news about the Hulk movie! That other one...total downer!
Yes I'm a closet geek comic book movie lover. shhhhhhhhhhh!

And lol at the dollar store hulk!

jams o donnell said...

Haha EWBL Joey Buttasomething or other was involved with Amy Fisher? I've seen that something called the Amy Fisher story has been shown on Cable but I know nothing of it.. That said he does make a fine Hulk though!

Stacey said...

I wonder if Hulk Joey has a cameo in Zombie Strippers?

Of course that movie might be a little too high class for him.

nikko said...

The Hulk has never really been my thing, but this is hilarious! How come our dollar store doesn't stock those?

Jean Knee said...

Millie should be banned due to that PC faux pas she deliberately uhm, did

Jean Knee said...

caution dear Elastic, there are now a cock, a fish, and a croc.

careful

Lori said...

Dear Infidel,

I got my socks. I think I might be the lucky first one! WOOHOO!!!! I will model them in the next couple of days and post them on my site!

Tracy gets a huge by large smoochie!!!! She made my week!

Love,
Lori ;P

Meg said...

I liked the first Hulk when he had that little boy, Eddie as his sidekick. I liked Eddie's best friend--Jodie Foster--too. I knew she was gay even then.

Lauren said...

The Hulk scares me. All super heroes should be HAWT...like:

Superman
Spiderman
Fire guy on Fantastic Four
AND
EDWARD! of course.

Hulk has got to go.

Lisa said...

For some reason I now want some broccoli.

Amber said...

At a garage sale last week, Haddie played with the hulking huge hands for sale. It was all fun and games until she socked Bode and he lost an eye...or more like a face.