Monday, May 12, 2008

A Stitch In Time Is Free....Eight Stitches For Your Son's Gashed Leg Is Not~ Ancient Infidel Proverb

The oldest Infidel son, Buster, fell in the garage today. He fell hard. He fell really, really hard.
The impact of his weight as he plunged heavily down upon a tire cover from my truck was enough to send the sharp tire cover clips straight into his uncovered leg, slashing it deeply in the process.
Papi rushed him to the new emergency clinic that just opened in front of our neighborhood where Buster bravely faced the doctor who expertly weaved and sewed in 8 stitches to close up the gaping leg wound.
Buster's a veteran of the Stich-And-Don't-Bitch Academy, though. See, he's already has his head stapled, a dislocated collarbone, ear wicks, and several rounds of simple, old-fashioned Stitch Me Up! fun. He has never cried during E.R. visits. Never.
In fact, Buster was completely stoic and shed nary a tear until he heard the staff going over the itemized list with Papi. When they got to the grand total for medical services rendered, he sobbed.
Even a 10-year old boy fully understands the gravity of a situation where there's no health insurance coverage to magically swoop in and save the day with simply the flourish of a pen as you sign your name on the dotted line.
We estimated each stitch to have cost around $71.50 each.
We barely had enough money to cover it, which would have undoubtedly been interesting.
Can they keep kids as collateral in an effort to collect a medical debt?!!?
Yes, my Buster is a one-of-a-kind, hand-sewn original now......and I've got the receipt to prove it.
*I didn't want to freak out any blog readers who may suffer from Frankenstein-O-Phobia so I waited to post the picture of the actual stitches. Oh holy frickin Cheez Whiz on toast.......the stitches look more like the lacing on a football than a simple needle-and-thread operation......they're incredibly ginormous! The boy practically butterflied the skin on his leg and it took some really deep stitches to close it all back up. Disregard the laundry on the floor behind him. Thank you.*

33 comments:

Jean Knee said...

first!

see, I still got it

Jean Knee said...

cover that boy in duct tape and he won't wound so easily

Jean Knee said...

I would have stitched him up for
$7.oo a stitch

Jean Knee said...

don't worry, Hillary will soon take care of the Health care crisis in our country. Buster will get his stitches free but have to wait 6 months for an emergency room appointment.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I told Papi that if he would have flippin taught his kids Spanish we could have gotten services for free at the hospital. Buster's sort of brownish and we do have a Spanish surname. We could have totally pulled off the 'I Illegal Immigrant. Me No Speak English. Give Me Free Stuff' routine.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

You're always numero uno to me, Jean Knee.

Oooh, numero uno. Look at me breaking it down en espanol!

Tis better to take a numero uno than drop a numero dos, says I.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

For clarification purposes....THIS POST'S PICTURE WAS NOT TAKEN TODAY

Believe me, that boy was doing very little smiling today.

Mr. Cocka-Doodle-Doo said...

Well, I can say this for Buster: he ain't no chicken!

(crows)

Stitch And Don't Bitch Academy said...

We approve of the endorsement of our fine Academy in this blog post.

Your son is invited to an alumni party this Friday.

We will be serving Captain Crunch and Butterfingers for refreshments.

Stitch And Bitch Academy said...

We are mortal enemies of The Stitch And Don't Bitch Academy. We want parents everywhere to raise wussified children who sob all day everyday.

Lola said...

Two words..
Super Glue!
Cheaper than stitches any day!

aubrey said...

aww man, i'm sorry for the big guy and for your bank account. ouchie mama.

wynne said...

Yee-ouch. What else is there to say? Ow-ow-owie.

Alice said...

So sorry Elastic! I actually cried too when BoyChild had to get fillings since our dental pays about $10 of it. They wanted to do the two fillings on different days since they were on opposite sides of his mouth and didn't want to traumatize him. I said - SCREW THAT! I'm not paying for two visits and 2x the sedation. You traumatize him all you want in ONE visit. (Fortunately he passed clean out so the traumatization was kept to a minimum.) Kisses to Buster!

Hey It's Di said...

Awe Dang! Lola stole my remedy for those nasty charges! That super glue works wonders:)

I haven't been to the Stitch & Don't Bitch Academy but I managed to Burn & Don't Bitch. Does that count? It was a first for me. . No not the burn but the No Bitch part.

I hope Buster is feeling a bit under $ 600.00 better. (I'm an accountant but didn't really want to do the math. .go figure)

Hilary said...

Aww poor kidlet and poor you.

Lori said...

When my oldest boy was growing up I was often in awe of his ability to NOT do something so horrific as to require a dr/hospital visit. He sliced a piece of his knee off when he fell out of a tree with a saw in his hand once. But...that didn't really require a visit. THat was the closest I ever got with him.
My oldest daughter..the somewhat prissy cheerleader...she broke both wrists at the same time while falling from a 'flyer' position. Lucky for her they totally knocked her out for that procedure. Talk about ick. I had to help HER with 'numero dos'....and all other sanitation type efforts to keep her clean.

Ok so, not sure why I just spilled my guts there. But...sorry to hear about Buster's escapades... HUGS hehe

Chell said...

As a fellow patron of the "no medical aid" group, I fully understand your situation! Im due for a dentists visit for root canal..gonna set me back about R1000....think Im just going to chew on the other side.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Lori- Hearing other people misery makes me feel better. Tell me more about bad stuff that's happened to you and your kids!!!

Chell- I did that. Now the other side of my mouth needs dental work too. I may have to start pureeing all my food in the processor.

Lola- The boy's been glued back together a few times too! I guess this time it was just too deep to use super glue.

Di- That amount did not cover the prescription costs. Papi is an accountant now. We don't need his skills much because we don't have any money to count. :)

Thanks for your well wishes everyone. I'm totally relieved that Buster didn't get hurt worse and that he'll recover from this in about two weeks time. The money part hurts(yes it does!) but it hurt even more to see Buster in pain.

glittersmama said...

Oh man. I got shivers when you were describing the injury. ouch.

That's one tough son you've got!

the Bag Lady said...

Poor Buster!! Y'all need to move to Canada where medical treatment is (supposedly) free. As you would technically be immigrants, it would definitely be free.
Hope Buster is healing well and feeling better now.
(Wrapping him in duct tape doesn't sound like such a bad idea...until you have to replace all his skin when you take it off....)

JustRandi said...

He's a tough guy!
And you're a tough mama.
good for you, and I'm so sorry!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

You said it Randi. Tough as in things are TOUGH all over.

Stacey said...

Poor guy! It's tough to see your kids in pain. *HUGS* for you and Buster.

Melissa said...

Ouch! :S Baby Girl fell last fall and split the back of her head open... the clinics were closed so we headed to the ER... three staples and a couple hundred bucks later they let us go... I hope he joins the "Proud to Be Stich Free" group next...

Jami said...

Oh, ow. Ow, ow, ow.

Ow for the injury. Ow for the bill. Ow, ow, ow.

You are being a very brave girl.

jams o donnell said...

Hmm EWBL his injury list sounds like mine at teh same age. I hope he's feeling okay now.

Suburban Hippy said...

I watched the Doctor remove staples from a guys head this summer and I can't wait to do it myself - it was sooooooo cool!

Tori :) said...

What exactly did they stitch him up with???

Nancy Face said...

Dang! The whole thing is horrible! I feel so bad for Buster's pain...both the physical AND the emotional. :(

And it really, really stinks like a numero dos that the bill was so high! >:(

Geosomin said...

Holy crap.
I forget what it's like to have health care until I hear about this...I'm glad he's OK. I just had to go in for treatment for near pneumonia...I can't even think of what I'd have been charged for the checkup and xrays and all that jazz.

oy.

Physcokity said...

Does that head stone say Arugula Queen on it?

Millie said...

Wishing you a nice fat inheritance check someday.