Tuesday, May 06, 2008

A Woman And Her Skin Tags Are Soon Parted

I've got tags hanging off me. Yes, tags. Lots and lots of tags. I'm like a modern day Minnie Pearl, only much fatter and my dangling tags don't have prices stamped on them because they're skin tags.
I guess those guys who laboriously write out your name on a grain of rice could pen some numbers onto my skin tags but really I'd just rather remove them than even contemplate skin tag decorating ideas.
Now you know the heartbreaking truth. I suffer from the aesthetic agony that is excessive skin tags. I'm too young to have so many skin tags. Sure, I just referenced Minnie Pearl and I have wild fantasies involving hottie Fred McMurray from My Three Sons, but I'm still young, dammit!
I know what you're saying to yourself right now as you stampede away from me, my blog, and my flawed skin, SKIN TAGS?!!?? Oh nooooeeesssss. Just know this: I'm taking care of the problem all on my own.
I started playing Tag by myself last week. Yeah, Solitary Tag...... Like that song Neil Diamond sang, "I'll be what I am, playing Solitary Tag. Solitary Tag." Wait, maybe that was 'Solitary Man' but I'm sure that Solitary Tag is what Neil meant. I bet he too suffers from haggy-baggy skin tags.
Soooo, just how do you play Solitary Tag? Well, it involves steely determination and a really good pair of tweezers.
I've given birth completely unassisted in the bath tub of my own home. I figure that gives me enough cojone power to conquer almost any obstacle.
I squeezed the nasty little skin bugger until it finally surrendered. It gasped its last breath and a few days later the detestable skin tag fell off my face and more importantly off the face of the earth, too.
I couldn't even find it to display in a graphic but tastefully done scrapbooking layout. It was just gone. I don't believe in skin tag reincarnation, either. Well, unless that pimple on my butt is really the reincarnated skin tag from my face! Ewwwww (I saved you the trouble from having to say it yourself)
I'm looking into having my trusty sidekick, Senor Tweezers, immortalized in bronze and mounted on a special plaque for the willingness to go above and beyond the call of tweezer duty in order to annihilate the enemy.

33 comments:

JD at I Do Things said...

EWWWWWWWwwww!!! But I have a skin tag, too! And I think I'm growing another. I hate it! I never thought about trying to remove it, but it sounds painful. However, mine is on my leg, but it still seems very noticeable to me.

Until today, I thought I was the only one...

Alice said...

Nail clippers baby...nail clippers.

Anna Maria Junus said...

Or cuticle scissors.

By the way, the blog looks gorgeous.

Is that what you were aiming for?

Hilary said...

Howwwdeeeeeeeeee!

As if flab and wrinkles and errant gray hairs are not enough.. skin tags too, eh? Oh boy!

glittersmama said...

Holy ouch. Really? In the tub by yourself? wow.

Elizabeth-W said...

Shazzy has a ton of skin tags and moles. When I shave his neck, if I'm not careful and nick one, they bleed like crazy! Didn't yours bleed?! I'm very, very curious about this. I will want to know if it grows back, okay?

Bee said...

Okay. This is a true remedy from one that suffered that agony. If they're small go buy generic asprin. The white round chalky kind. Put some in a glass bottle with a little bit of water to make a paste. With cotton put it on yourself at night or whenever you're sleeping.
I works! I had the bigger ones removed but when they try to come back they get murdered!

They started coming out when I turned 33. Weird.

Hey It's Di said...

My hubby had a skin tag and it was on his face and so I offered to help rescue him from this intruder. We did use the tweezer method & it did come off but I swear that sucker bled like crazy!

I haven't had a skin tag YET but I have all of the other strange & not so wonderful signs of old age. Wrinkles, loads of grey hair, spider veins, stray hairs growing in odd places and everything disgusting like that! The bummer is that I feel like I'm in my 20s! *sigh!

Thinking of you working hard this weekend!

Jami said...

As in a free birth or as in the midwife stood back and let you do your thing? (I've never met a free birther before.)

Oh...and death to skin tags!

Chell said...

Hee hee...I must say, I've never experienced this problem...

But, what Im more interested in is how (and why) you gave birth on your own in a bathtub?!?
Really?

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Apparently half the population gets skin tags but fat people get more of them. Terrific! I have some on my neck also but I'm too chicken to challenge them to a survival of the grossest match.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm totally going to try Bee's home skin tag remedy. Did you learn that at the Academy for Mexican Alchemy, Bee? My MIL is a graduate from there. The things she does with ground up manzanilla would blow your mind.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm just stopping at home for a quick potty break before having to work all freakin day. It sucks to be me. Papi graduates again from University of Houston next week and he's had two job interviews this week. If he gets one of the jobs I'm quitting my daily paper route and only keeping my weekly ones. We should know by Friday. I'm exhausted from living this energy-sapping, gas-guzzling existence.

Anyway, a quick home birth re-cap.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori said...

Ok, this is a great post! lol

Skin tags - 46 here and have had them where the underwire of my bras have hit for years! Some of them are REALLy big. But so far I haven't had any removed....soon though, soon. I am so going to try the aspirin thingie for the 'babies' that are constantly growing. And almost every mole I had on my neck and one by my eye has turned into a skin tag as I got older. fuckers...sorry for swearing.

Home birth - Are you Hispanic....or just Papi??? lol Just wondered. I have always thought of Hispanics being able to have babies WAY easier than us 'white folks'. lol My fourth child is a Melody too! But...no freakin way I had her at home. hehe I told them to knock me out and get her the hell out of there...wake me when it's over. lol

Jean Knee said...

I too, have skin tags. I too squeezed one with tweezers and over half of it fell off in a couple a days, no blood but it did hurt (it was under my right eyebrow).

I'm trying the aspirin thing too


I am available to squeeze with tweezers any skin tags you would like removed

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Lori- I'm a whitey, but I'm not a tighty. I do have 6 kids, for crap's sake! It's the evolution of the granola woman. First you start co-sleeping, extended nursing, and vitamin supplements and then it leads to homebirthing, homeschooling, and looking into buying yourself a little farm somewhere so you can grow your own food. :) A friend of mine once asked if I was going to start knitting my own tampons, too.

Jean Knee- TAG!!!! You're it, Jean Knee! My days of playing Solitary Tag have finally come to an end.

Millie said...

Skin tags are hereditary and they're caused by friction and irritation. I have a big pen1s-looking one on my eyelid because when I'm suffering from allergies, my eyes itch and I rub them a lot. Anywhere your skin gets rubbed by your bra, waistband, clothing, etc., they can show up.

I've also heard of people tying string around the little suckers and cutting off their blood supply. I'm trying to think how that would look on the big eyelid tag.

jams o donnell said...

Mercifully no skin tags here. I hope Everything goes well with Papi's job interviews. I'll keep my fingers crossed

Millie said...

P.S. Is Minnie holding up a big basket of fried skin tags?

VE said...

That's hardcore. I don't want to hear how you get rid of warts...

Physcokity said...

um ouch.

Physcokity said...

Happy 25th to me! I have a small tag on my neck which has been there for at least eight years. I think I tried to tweeze it off once, but the sucker came back.

(One question for Bee though, does that aspirin thing burn? Are there any noticeable markings that remain after said treatment?)

Over the past couple years I have started finding protruding hairs of exceeding length in the most bizarre places.

Gray or in my case I prefer to call them "white" (tumaytoe, tahmahtow) have been sneaking in since 18ish.

I love my life. I love my life. I love my life...

Old age is gonna hit me like a freight train.

Lori said...

ppppfffffftttttttttttttttt HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA at Millie!!!!! BWAHAHHAHAHAHHA

Klin said...

So I don't have to go to the doctor and pay a bunch of money? I can just come to you. Or ask Mr. to torture me. Hmmm. The options are so many ;)

Nancy Face said...

One of the females in our house (I'm not tellin' who!) had skin tags on the neck in her teens...apparently, it's not just an age thing! :0

Nancy Face said...

Wow...your birthing stories are incredible! What a woman! :0

Elizabeth-W said...

Elastic, I have been bugging you for two freakin' years to tell your home birthing stories, and post about skin tags is when you decide to spill the beans?!! I swear this is more info than you've ever given before.

Birth Story Addict said...

Yeah! How DARE you!!!

Suzanne said...

Ouch! At least it's all over, right?

Senor Tweezers is my friend too. But I will never tell you why...unless you blackmail me! ;)

Amber said...

Ugh. My brother has 'em bad, too. But the victory is won, right? If I could have my tweezers bronzed, I would. Only mine are involving my OCD to pluck every chin hair that dares to make an appearance....

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Nobody ever told me before that they were dying to hear my birth stories. Isn't it true that you got these people at church who either want to corner you and tell TMI stories about conceptions and births or to go on and on and on about various surgeries and medical ailments they have? I try to stay different from the pack.

We should get together and make a day of it, elizabeth.

on.the.run said...

Yay for gross things!!! I so wish you had a picture you have no idea. I convinced my sister to cut a mole of my back with a pair of dull scissors when I was around the age of 19. The scissors didn't do the trick though... my mole just stretched around them and my sister screamed and screamed... she says it still haunts her.