Thursday, May 08, 2008

Ladies, Wouldn't It Just Be Easier To Buy A Branding Stick With Your Initials On It To Mark Your Man?

We spotted this super macho Ford truck today...CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP....... deep in the heeeeeaaaaart of Texas!

Manly Chrome Package: Check
Masculine Toolbox Installed: Check
Testosterone-Tinged Bumper Sticker Referencing Beer, Strip Clubs, Or The Confederate Flag: NOOOOO!
Here's a close-up of the bumper sticker. Yes, he loves his wife so much that he slapped this tacky declaration of redneck amore right across his dirty bumper. Is this ironic irony at work here or some sort of gummy adhesive sarcasm?
Or maybe I have it wrong and there's an alternate bumper sticker explanation. Perhaps it was specially manufactured by the W.H.A.P (Whipped Husbands Acting Penitent) Society which his wife is the President and founder of. Maybe the poor guy tried to intimate to the world that he, and he alone remains the sole alpha leader of the house and then he dared hang a pair of those detestably swingy Truck Nutz from his trailer hitch just to prove it. Maybe his wife gave him the bumper sticker slapdown as a punishment when she confiscated his Bumper Balls. Maybe he's just waiting for her to kick the bucket so he can change the W to an F and make that sticker read, 'I Heart Fife.' Fife as in Mayberry's own Barney Fife. What, isn't it manly to secretly heart Barney Fife?

Whatever. One day when I'm too lazy to show my Papi how much I love him through works and deeds and action I'll show just throw an 'I Heart Papi' sticker onto my truck bumper. That should take care of it.

16 comments:

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I guess I'm just not a starry-eyed romantic or maybe I just believe in keeping loud declarations of love more private because a bumper sticker kinds of cheapens the whole thing for me.

b. said...

Nice makeover on the blog!!!!!
I LOVE IT!!!

Nice Truck.
Funny post....
Hate the truck nutz.
Being the nut holder in the family isn't such a bad spot to be in....kinda wish I knew what that felt like.
I don't like bumper stickers of any kind. Don't mess up my vehick. I don't even like having to put my employee parking permit on my windshield.

Ringmaster said...

I am in total shock. This man gave up his man card. What a shame for him. But at least he doesn't have vinyl stickers of his whole family on the back window of his car. I see them everywhere here in UTAH and they drive me CRAZY!!!

Tracy said...

I hate those balls! I saw one set on a truck that were all veiny and stuff. Blech!
Can you imagine being the person who invented those?
Hey Harry, tell me how you made your money again?

Well, one night after a fight between the wife and I, I went out in the garage and made a set of nuts for my truck to make her mad and they kind of took off.
In short, I made millions selling my nuts.

damon said...

Oh the shame of it all.

Makes me wonder what he did to be forced to adorn the scarlet letter on the most manly of redneck possessions.

As you pointed out, the truck has no balls either!

omar said...

Now I kind of want to put "Truck Nutz" on my wife's Corolla. It's too bad April Fools day is so far away...

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Truck Nutz are eternal, Omar. Why save them for only one day out of the year?

JustRandi said...

You guys are just jealous of my husband's truck!

Elizabeth-W said...

I'm with B. I do not like bumper stickers on my car. And increasingly, I don't like them on others', as well, especially when they have words I don't like to have to explain to my 7 year old.
They even have tiny sacs for mopeds and such. When I see a truck with a big huevos, I think, oooops he just announced to the world he's got a teensy weensy organ.

glittersmama said...

My brother-in-law gave Dr. Mario a giant set of bumper balls for his birthday. They are currently in a high kitchen cabinet. Hopefully people that come to look at our house won't open that cabinet.

Hey It's Di said...

I just let my hubby drive a dumpy old vehicle minus the bumper sticker. He still looks manly. . a cheap loserish one though.

on.the.run said...

I hate truck balls... I always want a probe to rearend trucks that have them.

Jean Knee said...

I really hope my hub never does anything like that

aubrey said...

i love it and think it's very cool. and blech on the truck nutz, i've seen those and about threw up.

but i heart my wife..very classy.

jams o donnell said...

I've seen I heart Fife stickers but Fife is a part of Scotland! Seriously we have very few stickers on the car - WEll it's the not-wife's car rather than mine (no point each ahving a car when our annual mileage is about 2,500 a year!)

Being so utterly whipped as I am if I did have a sticker it would be I heart the not wife!

Nancy Face said...

WHA...? I've never once seen Truck Nutz. I am so missing out! :0

I don't like bumper stickers of any kind!