Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Emergency Food Storage Furniture!

Entrepreneurial Skills.......I Haz Them!

Sure, my grandiose plan to start a blog two years ago thinking I would hit it big like Dooce so the ad revenue would support me and my merry band of mini-Infidels didn't quite come to fruition-I think Dooce appeals to a larger audience because she never talks about weird things like The Secret Adventures of The Fat Flap Spy Girls- but now I'm channeling my time and energy 100% on my next grand money-making scheme.

Most ideas are borne out of a need. Well, we have 8 people trying to co-exist peacefully in a smallish house which leaves virtually zero space for food storage.
Sitting on cans of stacked-up SPAM proved pointedly painful to our derrieres, so, ever the problem solver, I'm going to start a furniture company- and not just any furniture company- a food storage furniture company.

I'm thinking of calling my new business, 'YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT!'
My first product line centers around gigantic bean bag chairs stuffed with actual beans.
Product testing reveals that black beans and kidney beans make for superior fillers resulting in unabounded squishy bean bag chair fun. Sadly, our surplus of Mexican Jumping Beans failed all product tests as did the Borracho Beans.

Here's some other brilliant ideas I have just walking around in my brain with their thumbs stuck out and a little hobo stick over the shoulder waiting for someone to give them a ride out:
1. Waterbeds filled with clean, drinkable water to fulfill your water storage requirements.

2. Potato Pearl/Flake Pillows (Not recommended for those who drool. We cannot be held liable for any mashed potato damage to your bedding)

3. Inflatable Sofas Filled With Cracked Wheat (They're such a lovely neutral shade of tan sure to match any home decor)

I can't wait to embark on my latest GET RICH QUICK! serious and long-term business opportunity. Whenever someone utters the phrase 'YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT!' I want you to automatically think of me and my ingenious solutions designed to make your life just a little bit easier. Thank you in advance for your support.

With Fondest Regards,
elasticwaistbandlady



*The baby pictured above is NOT part of any recommended food storage plan. A baby on a bean bag chair is technically a "Beanie Baby" but we're refraining from calling it as such to avoid incurring any trademark infringement action*

25 comments:

Nancy Face said...

FIRST!!!

Nancy Face said...

Kris Face loves potato pearls.

He drools freely.

BAD combination! :0

Millie said...

Darling, would you care for a sip of my waterbed?

I love the business name. Just think of the phone-answering possibilities. "Hello, You're so full of it! Elastic speaking."

Chell said...

Tee hee...such an ingenius idea! Im not sure which I like more, fattening the dog up for Emergency food rations or this idea! :-)

Diesel said...

I think that Dooce is really popular because... Dooce is really popular. It's a vicious cycle.

Lisa said...

Maybe if you changed your Spam cans to Chicken cans they would feel a little fluffier.

Hey It's Di said...

You mean waterbed water isn't drinkable? I usually get a sip from mine after waking up horified that my potato pearl pillow is missing and I have a stomach ache. No wonder I haven't been feeling so well:/

You really are going to strike it rich with your many cool business ideas!

Alice said...

You should probably put a tag on your potato flake pillows that they should not be used with the potable water/water bed.

the Bag Lady said...

I was quite relieved to see the disclaimer at the bottom that the baby wasn't part of the food storage plan. I mean, they can put it away, but who wants to eat what comes out the other end? And they don't hold much.....

Yup, need to recommend not using the potato flake pillows with the water bed...

Suburban Hippie said...

That toally beats my enrichment night idea of "decorating with food storage."

glittersmama said...

You're going to need to develop some sort of straw that can hook into the waterbed for easy access.






d**ch blows.

Geosomin said...

The potato flake pillows are just wrong.
You know that don't you?

Just make a hugeass bean bag chair. We made ione big enough for the two of yus to sit in...it rocks. I don't know about how it would help store food, but maybe you'd get lazier sitting in it and do less, so you'd burn less energy and need less food. Eh? Eh?

Amber said...

I was going to leave a profound statement about how, with my husband, I LIVE the creed You're so full of it." But then I got distracted by the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile and my trian of thought is gone!

Sketchy said...

Technically I think that the baby can not be officially referred to as a "Beanie Baby" until he has been fed a bottle of diluted refried beans.

My you look tired?

Yes, my beanie baby kept me up all night crying...

Jean Knee said...

oooooo eeeee I want one of those flatulent bean filled chairs-don't even need your own whoopie cushion

Stephanie and Co. said...

The possibilities are endless! You could do a whole line of specialty pillows--Wheat, dried eggs, Bouillon (I had to look up how to spell that). Or how about brownie mix pillows? A must for any food storage.

Methodical wormer said...

I have to admit I would buy it:) And I'd rather read you any day than d**cebag!

Physcokity said...

Seriously I'd rather read about fat flappers, butt towels, and telling off customers than the everyday stuff I live through. Not to mention if you don't ever talk about at least one weird thing on your own blog....you're lying to yourself and all your readers....

Down with teh DB and make way for the Infidel Queen and her Merry Mini Band.

Jami said...

So... my dreams of a fine retirement on my blogging are doomed? Curses! I thought my fifteen people a day were my ticket to the good life. I'm thinking I might need a back up. How much are you charging for dealerships on the food storage furniture outlets?

Bee said...

I lost it when I read potato flake pillows not for droolers.

:o)

Hey man, I'd have myself a little sumthin' sumthin' in the middle of the night.

Klin said...

If I had potato flake pearl pillows I would start drooling. That cracked wheat sofa, though. . .How many will it seat?

You are a food storage genius!!!

Anna Maria Junus said...

Wheat makes good pillows too and you don't have to worry about drool.

Jill said...

You. Are. Brilliant!

Might I suggest making the potato pearl pillows out of large ziplock bags. This way, you can market them to droolers and non droolers alike.

I'm wondering if someone could invent a way for cars to run on the gas that will result from eating the contents of the bean bag chairs.

jams o donnell said...

Haha EWBL do you need an agent in the UK. We can open a store in Knightsbridge opposite Harrods...

aubrey said...

that potato pearl pillow would not be for me. i'm a drooler.