Sunday, June 29, 2008

My House Is More Ghetto Than Your House: Our Misfit Microwave

It's a heartbreaking fact of life- our deformed microwave will never be able to send out communicative signals across the ether to CB Radio users.
If the microwave suddenly did develop that power ala some bizarre twist of fate that only a complicated sci-fi movie plot can explain, I imagine the conversation would likely go as follows:
CB Radio Operator: "10-4 Little Buddy. What's your handle?"
Misfit Microwave: *sniff* "But, I don't have a handle.....why, oh why must the world discriminate against the hapless handle-less?"

Handle With Care

When the handle unexpectedly snapped off into my hands I vowed to take what was broken and make it whole again. So I did what all mothers with huge herds of destructive children do........I threw it into the pile of broken crap that gets lovingly pieced back together with Superglue or Duck Tape at the end of the week.

Shockingly, not even Gorilla Glue contained enough brute strength to get a handle on this no handle situation.

"I Can't Handle It Anymore!!!" Yeah, literally.

So what does one slightly impoverished Infidel woman do when replacing an expensive kitchen appliance is out of the question and out of the budget? Well, she consults her handy book, Secret Confessions Of A Compulsive Jerry-Rigger for an easy-fix solution.

Epiphany! I can knife the microwave to get it to open up and give me what I want.

It's not what you think......we began implementing the use of our butter knives- sticking the ends of the knife into the microwave door crevice while we pull and tug and pry the door open.

You see, all those crowbar techniques learned out on the mean streets can be modified into some mighty practical domestic skills!



*Yeah, that's our 5 year old, Melody cheerfully knifing the microwave. Our kids learn early on that it's every man for himself around here. If you want your instant oatmeal cooked in the morning you better learn how to manipulate the intricacies of the handle-less microwave. Survival Training!*

33 comments:

b. said...

We turn on our kitchen faucet with an awesome pair of channel lock pliers.

Jami said...

Nice. Way to "wear it out, make it do or do without."

Suzanne said...

One time the microwave handle broke off at work. I wasn't able to use it for days until a guy finally showed me how to get it to open. My brain just doesn't work that way! LOL! Melody is very intuitive! You'll have to use her domestic skills again! :)

Chell said...

Teehee...very very clever Elastic!

BTW, your little mini infidel is toooo cuuute!

Alice said...

Cheap assed microwaves. Ours lost the handle too and it's the only time I've ever seen Babycakes motivated to order a replacement part. Seriously.

We open most of the drawers on the buffet with a screwdriver because we're too lazy to get the fixtures back on. Please...like I could even locate the knobs at this point...

Sketchy said...

knifing the microwave? You are so ghetto.

Fortunately I have progressed beyond you on the survival skills market...I don't cook my oatmeal at all! Woohoo!

Amber said...

Your little infidels woudl do so well with extreme training in the backcountry. Just have them bring their butter knives nad they'll find and gut their food in no time. And cook it, too with that microwave!

the Bag Lady said...

Hehehe - butter knives are so handy for so many things!
My best friend's family used to "lock" their back door but sticking a butter knife under the casing so it would hold the door shut. I'm sure it was effective....no-one ever broke in, anyway! :)

Elizabeth-W said...

I hope she doesn't get electrocuted!
She's a doll, ya know.

April said...

You are too funny. ham Radio ... handless... I have no clue how you come upwith this stuff. :) Hey and have fun knifing the microwave. ROFL

J-Mom said...

I'm just thinking of what other glue substance could work. Some kind of craft glue==nope==can't think of anything to help. Guess the knife's the way to go!! Have fun!

J-Mom said...

Yes, LDS too. Don't think mentioned on blog, just 5 hour block of church with meetings probably gave it away. Who else goes to church that long?

Not sure where I'm supposed to reply to msgs, here or mine. Oh, well since I can't figure those things out---have yourself another plate of nachos for me. Make them BBQ Nachos, Memphis style! MMMMM!

Hilary said...

I'm disappointed. I expected duct tape!

That kidlet sure is a sweetie!

Hey It's Di said...

Darn appliances! I am the queen of hot glue around my house with anything that breaks. Not so sure it would keep your handle on though.

Your sweet Melody does a great Vana White with that microwave & knife:)

Hey It's Di said...

Wish you lived closer because I have been cussing my husband, who manages an electronic retail store. We happen to just have a NEW boxed up microwave! I think it's a small one though...we have lots of great EXTRA things like that around the house because he thinks you have to buy EVERYTHING that is a good deal.

Who cares if you are eating Ramen noodles all week because he spends all your grocery money on these things? I DO!

Nancy Face said...

I'd be attacking that darn thing with a knife too...nothing and nobody shall dare to prevent me from heating and eating my beloved food! :0

Bee said...

My gramps used to start his pick up truck with a butter knife. There's is no shame in knifing! ;op

Melissa said...

You do what ya gotta do! And if stabbing the microwave works, then go for it!!

VE said...

I think you should just start microwaving the entire kitchen from orbit...it's the only way to be sure!

jams o donnell said...

I'm so glad to se Melody learning a useful skill. With care and skill she could be come an expert safbreaker and keep her mum in the lifestyle she dserves!

Physcokity said...

Is it a butterfly or just a switch blade?

I'm with hilary, go duck tape!

Jean Knee said...

wow, you're good infidel. You know how I cracked apart when I couldn't use my microwave oven. it blew, it really did.

dana wyzard said...

OH SWEET JESUS, that is MY microwave!! Same brand, year, etc. Now I'm gonna be laying in bed, thinking that at any minute, the handle is gonna fall off. When it does (see how my mind works) It's not IF, it is WHEN...I shall stick the handle IN the microwave until it softens, then mold it back into place. Then I'll take my blistered hands to the ER..........OH SWEET JESUS, I'll be scarred for life! All because YOUR handle fell off!!!

JustRandi said...

The highest compliment my father gives anyone is to call them resourceful. (Really!)
I now officially name you the most Resourceful Woman I know.
You're awesome!

Lisa said...

Umm, we clean doggie do out of our shoes with butter knives. Anyone want a pb & j sandwich? I think I have a butter knife right here.

Suburban Hippie said...

Your daughter is too cute.... she could be a broken microwave model.

Suburban Hippie said...

Your daughter is too cute.... she could be a broken microwave model.

wynne said...

Knifing your microwave isn't such a bad solution. Really, it isn't. Much better than...oh, breaking the door off entirely, but still using it anyway and covering the gaping hole with plastic wrap in an attempt to contain the microwaves...

No Cool Story said...

Enrichment Night ladies SWEAR by gorilla glue. I guess it's up to me to bring them back to reality.

Mwhahahaha.
;)

Queen Goob said...

Gerrrrrrl, I could THROW down some ghetto with ya! And I bet I would win. I live in a house built in 1950 and I still have.....the original carpeting!

p.s. Congrats on your award! Found you via Alice!

Queen Goob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Queen Goob said...

Blonde Girl hit post comment twice, sorry!

Lauren said...

You are so resourceful! I love it.

And Melody is soooo cute!