Monday, July 28, 2008

That Karma Chameleon Has Been Putting In Some Serious Overtime Hours Lately!

My stepmom immigrated to the United States from Colombia. My husband and in-laws all hail from the refried bean capital of the world, Me-Hi-Co. As such, I love me some super dramatic Spanish telenovelas!
Okay, I don't really speak fluent Spanish- however, that hasn't prohibited me from understanding what's going on. Come on, how many palabras en espanol do you actually need to decipher an evil twin/baby daddy/adulterous/amnesiac/secret love child story line?

So, my co-workers and I down at the steamy Houston Chronicle warehouse have been privy to watching a real-life telenovela unravel before our very eyes during this past year. Spanish telenovelas aren't like American soaps that linger on for decade after decade. Telenovelas-even the insanely popular ones- eventually come to a conclusion........and in turn, so has the real-life version.
We've known this guy, "Jose" for many years. He and his wife-accompanied by their kids- came here illegally from Argentina. They're also a member of the same church I belong to. Yeah, they willfully broke one of the Articles Of Faith by thwarting American Immigration laws, but that little tidbit factors into the main crux of the story.
Jose played the stereotypical role of the hard-working Hispanic- often holding down 2 and 3 jobs at a time in an effort to support his family and allow his wife, Bruja (Spanish for witch) to stay home with their kids. Bruja lived in a nice house and drove a big SUV all courtesy of Jose busting his nalgas to give her a comfortable life.
It's painfully obvious that Bruja is skeezy husspants who was born without any semblance of a gratitude gene because her payback for all of Jose's efforts is nothing short of unconscionable.
As a favor to a family they knew from church, Bruja started working very part-time tending to the needs of a fellow Argentine expatriate who's afflicted with a progressive disease that's permanently crippled her. Somewhere along the way, Bruja deviated from solely tending this lady's needs and extended herself to taking care of the husband too.........in a sexual manner, that is.
Soon, Bruja found herself knocked up by the philandering husband, Senor Pig and that's when the real trouble began. Senor Pig elected to dump his wife and his kids to shack up with Bruja. Only one obstacle lay in their path to Piggy Poke happiness.......Jose.
Jose would never allow his kids to be raised by the slovenly Senor Pig-who not only typifies moral weakness but also refuses to hold down a job. And so the two of them-Bruja and Senor Pig- hatched a plan to eliminate Jose from the picture permanently.
Now, mind you, Jose and Senor Pig both served stints as soldiers in the Argentine military. I would guesstimate that they're roughly an equal match in size, strength, and combat skills.
Bruja craftily staged a showdown with Jose in their home while the scheming Senor Pig cowered around the corner. Bruja informed a stunned and heartbroken Jose that the baby she was carrying was not his but instead belonged to Senor Pig. Bruja continued on by telling Jose that she no longer loved him and that she planned on kicking him out of the house and keeping him away from his kids. Pushed to that point, Jose snapped and hit his whorish wife(I don't condone this) before walking out the door where he encountered Senor Pig.
Before getting into his car and driving off, Jose beat the swine crap right out of Senor Pig; pummeling him to the ground.
Bruja and Senor Pig then summoned the Police so they could file assault charges on Jose-just like they had planned all along.
INS stepped in and Jose got the one-way South American Sayonara Express plane trip back to Argentina. Bruja, the emerging main villainess in this tale, refused to even bring their kids to him so that he could at least say goodbye.
Senor Pig abandoned his disabled wheelchair-bound wife and children and moved into Jose's house where he essentially took over Jose's life and all material possessions. Senor Pig is so shameless that he even tried to convince my boss to make Jose's last paycheck payable to him instead!

This all transpired a year ago. Guess what happened last week to shore up the final twist of this saga?
Bruja left her kids inside the vehicle while she went grocery shopping. Uh yeah, we've only had temps. hovering around the 100 degree mark for the past month. A security guard noticed the neglected kids and called the Police who whisked the screaming and irate Bruja off to jail where she now faces deportation right back to Argentina.
Wow, that karma sure is a bitter mistress, ain't she Bruja?


*All my sympathy is reserved for the children caught up in this unholy mess. Hopefully the older ones will be reunited with their father in Argentina. I'm not sure what'll happen to the baby. I suppose they'll hand him over to Senor Pig because he's a legal resident. There are grandparents in Florida, so that's one possibility*

24 comments:

Hilary said...

Wow what a story. Truth truly is stranger than fiction. I hope that Jose gets his kidlets back.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Yeah, aside from Jose's obvious faults (losing his temper and striking his wife is never excuseable though it was understandable)) he's a good family man.

I'm taking a mini-blogging break until the second week of August. I'm so sorry to all my blog friends for abandoning you. Life has gotten really busy and I need to get my house organized before I leave town next week. I haven't cleaned majorly in about 5 years. This is going to be an almost insurmountable task.

Elizabeth-W said...

I wondered why Bruja and children didn't get sent back, too. It sounds like they weren't born in the States? Or maybe some were so someone had to stay and care for them?
Bizarre. Sad.
Enjoy your break/trip!! :)

Alice said...

Holy crap. You had me riveted from the get-go. I feel so bad for Jose and the kids - just want to smuggle Jose back into the country. Would he ever be able to get back in?

Jami said...

All you needed was some folding chairs and Senor Springer and you could have had a hit show on your hands.

Sorry about the housecleaning. Have a wonderful, wonderful vacation.

(As an aside, my thin, beautiful SIL from The Woodlands is in town right now. I am SO out-classed.)

Lisa said...

Wow! It is a soap opera! Very sad.

Have a fun trip!

glittersmama said...

Dude you should write a screenplay and submit it to your favorite telenovela!

See you soon.

joanna said...

If this story were not true, it would be hilarious. But knowing that there are some heartbroken kids in the mix is very unsettling. I do hope everything turns out better for them, especially after being left in the car - HELLO! Who does that??? Ok, so thank you for the few minutes of humor and/or heartbreak during my work day. :)

Hey It's Di said...

I'm with Jose and want to go pummel that trashy couple!

I hope he gets his kids back and that she gets her payment:)

Hey It's Di said...

Good luck cleaning and then have an enjoyable break! I will miss you:( sniff sniff!

Jean Knee said...

oowee, I had to pause in the middle to make popcorn

Jean Knee said...
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Jean Knee said...
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Physcokity said...

Seriously, with the DD history under your belt I think you'd be a shoe in with the telenovela scripting.

b. said...

Oooohhh! I loves me some scandal!
I even like it in Espanol!

Have Fun!

NOBODY said...

Dude, what a sad story.
But riveting too. It makes me sad to know secondhand that people are really that nasty.
Your spanish skeels impress me.
Is skeezy husspants spanish?

Mad Libs Millie said...

"Billy, there is a god and he loves me."

I love poetic justice. I'm especially happy for the kids who were discovered in the car before they fried to death.

May Jose suffer no more at the hands of his skankalicious wife.

Chell said...

Thats horrible. It really does sound like something out of a movie. I also think you should submit this to the Telenovela people and see if they would put it into a screenplay! :)
Have fun cleaning (sounds like an oxymoron to me!) :)

jams o donnell said...

Karma 1 Bruja 0 I like that score.. Now for one against Senor Pig. Enjoy your break EWBL

Suburban Hippie said...

That is one of the saddest stories I have ever heard.

Suburban Hippie said...

That is one of the saddest stories I have ever heard.

Suburban Hippie said...

so sad in fact I said it twice... on purpose... hmmm.

Nancy Face said...

Oh my gosh!

I feel awful for the kids, and for Jose.

I'm glad Bruja didn't end up killing the children, and that she got thrown in jail! >:(

Nancy Face said...

Goodbye to the skeez...YESSS!