Thursday, August 07, 2008

What Does A Beaver, A Dumass, And A Mormon Chick All Have In Common?

Well, riddle me this and riddle me that. It just so happens that I'm the unifying factor behind the implausible list of seemingly unrelateable items!

In just 6 short hours I'm boarding a plane that will whisk me off to the wonders of The Beaver State where I'm planning to spend my weekend frolicking in the company of Carrot Jello, a Millie Chicken, and 12 other assorted bloggy chicks with strange and wonderful bloggy aliases. Three whole days of Blog Sister iniation rites including (root) beer chug-a-lugs and getting "Bloggy Sisters 4 Ever" (temporary) tattoos inked on our biceps. Shhhh, don't tell anyone, but I'm going to attempt to single-handedly revive the old sleepover party trick of placing a victim's hand in a glass of warm water while they sleep.

I'm too friggin slothful pressed for time to link all 3 of the posts I've written singing the wondrous carne asada praises of our favorite taqueria: Dumass Tacos. Mr. Dumass himself gave me one of their famed Dumass Taco T-shirts as a Christmas gift.
On the first day of Christmas Mr. Dumass gave to me.........a T-shirt with a buck-toothed donkeeeeee........
Anyway, I've been saving it to wear for a special occasion. I can think of nothing more befitting than sharing the gospel of Texas Taco love with the fine, Dumass Taco-less citizens of Oregon.

And yes I will be partaking of the Vamp/Werewolf novel (Breaking Dawn) madness that's sure to permeate all conversation this weekend. I'm going to read it on the plane.
I already correctly guessed one of the main plot twists. My Twilight-obsessed daughters reluctantly revealed that a new character in the book is named Reneesmee. That equals to the perverted equation of Rene+Esme. It's a classic Mormon name smush..........which given that the author, Stephenie Meyer, is, in fact, a Mormon, that's not too surprising.
I've had a lot of fun taking the Stephenie Meyer naming logic and applying it to my own kids. Here's the rules: You simply cull a new set of craptastical, never-before-heard-of names by combining the monikers of your closest family members.
My Tribe Of 6 Mini-Infidels Have All Been Rechristened As:
Jacaria
Macquelyn
Hectames
Leorro
Edwio
Melacio
Oooooh, they're all so UNEEK and so PURDY! I'm going to sit down and pen a novel right now using the above list as a source for all my character names.

And finally I'd like to wish a Happy Birthday to my youngest son, Boo Boo, who will be motherless today as he kisses his whirlwind year of being 6, goodbye. Boo Boo is the grand prize winner of the Maternal Guilt Sweepstakes. I never splurge and order character cakes from the store because I'm ridiculously cheap. Why pay 20 bucks for a 1/4 sheet cake when you can make your own for a couple dollars? Anyway, I felt bad about not being here to celebrate his birthday. I hope the joy of a Kung Fu Panda cake will balance out the pain from my absence. Actually Boo Boo will likely always remember the next few days without me as a hap-hap-happy "NAG-FREE JUBILEE!"
*Boo Boo was an unexpected surprise baby but his nickname does not pertain to any birth control mishaps, just in case you're wondering*

Take good care of my blog while I'm gone, aight? Don't forget to feed and water it (NOT after midnight!).....oh, and my blog likes to be rubbed on its belly sometimes. You'll make this blog whine through the night if you don't leave it at least 100 comments. It'll also crap on your new carpet. I trust you'll do the right thing.

58 comments:

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Murphy's Law has struck!!!!

I've been busy preparing for the only days I've spent apart from my kids in 13 years and what happens?
1. I had to work outside during thunderstorms and hurricane warnings.
2. I threw out my back. I'm walking all stooped over. I'm The Smiling Infidel Hunchback. It's going to be interesting lugging suitcases around today.
3. My oldest daughter Sunbum sprained her ankle doing a jump kick in Kung Fu. It's swollen and purple like a giant grape. That required medical attention and lost time out of my tight schedule yesterday.
4. An hour before the doctor visit my second oldest daughter slammed her finger in the truck door, skinning it and turning the fingernail a Robert Smith-approved shade of black.
5. My mom and MIL are coming to stay with the kids. I was frantically cleaning and broke the broom handle in half. Sunbum said, "Great. Just donate it to the Midget Maid Service Company. They'll love it!"

I'm a crappy non-regular commenter lately......that doesn't mean that I don't love you. I do. And I always will.
Take care!

omar said...

First-ish!

I hope you have a fantastic trip, even though you're all stooped over. And don't worry about the kid, I'm sure the Kung Fu Panda cake will have an amnesia-like effect. He'll be all, "who wasn't here? I'm sorry, I didn't notice because I was eating my KUNG FU PANDA CAKE!"

Jay said...

I bet everyone will have an amazingly wonderful time!! I've done this before with Johnny Depp fans and it's just sooooo nice! A week (or in your case a weekend) of sisterhood and girlie fun with new friends can't be beat. Oh, and my lot got permanent tattoos to celebrate our friendship ... most did anyway. ;)

Sketchy said...

My baby is nicknamed "Boo" because I'm all about the one-syllabic names and we broke that rule with him and gave him a 2-syllable moniker.

Tori :) said...

See you tomorrow!!

Suburban Hippie said...

Joeliver and Oleph.... some times I call out Joliver when I want both of them to come. I hope you have lots of fun on your girly trip. I am sure your son won't mind, they don't seem to care at that age... at least mine wouldn't.

Millie said...

I see my name!!!!

Wishing you a safe flight! You're probably on the plane already, reading those naughty honeymoon pages...

Hmmm, I might have to bring Breaking Dawn with me too.

*evil grin*

carronin said...

You remember my son broke his arm the day before our Blog partay last year. Today, nobody is leaving the house. I've told them to sit on the couch and stay sitting on the couch.
See you tomorrow!

April said...

Doing my part to save the carpet :)

Alice said...

Have a fantastic trip with your bloggy friends. I'll catch up with you next time! ; )

Science Teacher Mommy said...

How are you getting out here if your broom is broken? :)

I've got Ammick, Garrel and Caon. Meh. Their real names are MUCH cooler.

You need to read Belly Acre Farm's post dated today (8/7) called "Odds and Ends--Mostly Ends." I think you will find it hilarious.

JustRandi said...

Hope you have a great time with all your buddy bloggers! We'll be interested to hear how everything went!

Stacey said...

Aww,man I wish I could come! Have a fantabulous time. ( I can combine words too) ;)

Sorry about all the murphey's law junk. :(

Bee said...

I wish I could have joined you my Elastic friend! I hope you think of me again for next year but for now MAY SOME GOOD LOOKING CHAP HELP YOU WITH YOUR LUGGAGE! :o)

Hey It's Di said...

Don't you know that everyone is to stay in the plastic bubble before you leave on a trip? I guess that doesn't work so well either. I usually have somebody come down with some strange illness.

Take care of your back and I will attempt to help take care of your blog. I have to tell you that I kill plants so I hope I'm better at blogs:)

Hey It's Di said...

Have a great trip! I'll doing what I can to avoid crap on my carpet...at least from your blog. I still have a dog and he craps on my carpet sometimes even when I DO the right thing.

Hey It's Di said...

Happy Birthday Boo-Boo!! Eat the whole Kung Fu Panda cake all yourself and then jump on the couches and swing from the lights. Remember, mom is not home. ENJOY!!

Jean Knee said...

farewell my darling infidel. Have loads of fun, promise?


miss you

Stephanie and Co. said...

May your days away from children be full of vampires and chocolate. :) Have a good trip!

Carrot Jello said...

Elastic is sleeping in my basement as I type this.
Jealous much people?
You should be.

Nancy Face said...

I'm sorry about all the caca that happened at the last minute! I hope your back feels better and you have the best time EVER!!!

Nancy Face said...

A great cake makes up for just about anything! :D

Nancy Face said...

Wish I was there with you...even if I were the unfortunate one with my hand in the warm water, haha! :D

I'm officially in wedding panic mode now, just like I expected to be right around this time! :0

Nancy Face said...

I really hate the name smush thing...I prefer "real" names that people can understand and maybe even spell correctly!

Nancy Face said...

Methinks I've fed your blog.

Nancy Face said...

Watered it, too...before midnight MY time! :)

Nancy Face said...

I've even rubbed its belly...weird.

Nancy Face said...

It's not whining, so I must have left AT LEAST 100 comments...

...or not.

Millie said...

CONVERSATION BETWEEN THE BUNNY AND ME - EARLIER THIS EVENING

Me: Elastic's wearing her Dumass taco shirt to Carrot's house.

Bunny: (Gasp!)

Me: It's the name of a taco place where she lives - Dumass Tacos.

Bunny: (pause) I want one!

Millie said...

Carrot, geez, in the basement? You didn't kick your husband out of bed? SHAME on you.

Millie said...

Firstborn threw his back out this morning and NCS had to take him to the chiropractor's! The curse is in full swing!!!!!!

(wear your garlic)

Lori said...

Whoa...the last thing I need is carpet problems. I have my own batch of online buddies coming over today!!!

Have a blast!

Lori said...

Are we almost to 100 yet?


No?


Dammmmm

Hilary said...

Have a wonderful time. :)

Physcokity said...

SWEET! I'm gonna score me some craptastic carpet!

LOL I just overheard a fellow employee say he was "working on the motherlode"...perfect timing


bwahahahaha

Hey It's Di said...

OH man! Your blog is sniffing around the carpet looking for a spot! HOLD ON BLOGGY! I'm here for you! ( I don't wipe for anyone though:(

VE said...

Hey there, you're in my state! Watch out, they might all behave like me. Trouble...

Julie Q. said...

My kids would love a nag-free jubilee! Hope your trip is Oregonastic!

Diesel said...

Hope you're having fun. :)

Marion said...

Hello,

My name is Marion Bishop and I'm the webmaster of www.pinhole-glasses-direct.com

Would you be interested in writing an unbiased review of our product?

If you are, we can send you a free sample of the product which we would like you to review, and it is free of any shipping charges.

Feel free to contact me at pohsibnioram@gmail.com

Best regards,

Marion Bishop

J-Mom said...

I know I was going to write something more profound, but I've forgotten.

Have a great time, enjoy the cool weather!

Millie said...

Elastic, first: SMOOOOOOOOOOOCH

And second: Marion Bishop was here. She came sniffing around your blog (which was gross to watch) and then wanted to know if you would be interested in writing an un-biased review of her product.

I tripped her for you.

Millie said...

P.S. You're welcome

Amber said...

What is it with all you girls and your PAR-TAYS!!!??? I can't wait for the details!

NOBODY said...

Uhhh, I got the wrong tattoo. How come no one told me? I was distracted by Millie being intubated on the second floor.

Melacio scares me.

I didn't think it was possible for you to be even cooler in person.
I stand corrected. I also stand upright. i didn't hurt my back.

Hey It's Di said...

Oh great! I leave you alone for a minute or two ...OK, maybe days and you crap all over my carpet and then pee on my leg when I finally make it back. What kind of welcome is that?

I sure hope Elastic gets back soon. I'm not used to blogs that need so much attention. Mine gets neglected a LOT;)

Hey It's Di said...

Oh great! I leave you alone for a minute or two ...OK, maybe days and you crap all over my carpet and then pee on my leg when I finally make it back. What kind of welcome is that?

I sure hope Elastic gets back soon. I'm not used to blogs that need so much attention. Mine gets neglected a LOT;)

Millie said...

No, not "intubated." TUBE'd on the second floor.

Millie said...

Are you home yet?

Millie said...

Halfway there

Millie said...

I missed sleeping with you last night. Once you've had Elastic...

... you'll never be spastic?

Melissa said...

FUN!! I hope you had a super wonderful time and that everything was lovely when you got home! Can't wait to hear you blog about it :D

Nobody said...

I'm in need of some Monkey Business, could you point me in the right direction?

Rhonda said...

We can't have your blog crapping on the floor.

Jean Knee said...

well?? I know you are home. get with it sister.

Millie said...

"My name is Luka...

I TUBE'd Millie on the second floor..."

Klin said...

You are just as awesome in real life as in my bloggy world. No. Make that awesomer. Thanks for a great weekend.

Yvonne said...

I'm so glad I had a chance to meet you on the weekend.

Can't wait to read your novel.

Love you comment about Boo Boo's nickname ; )