Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Meanwhile Down At The S&M Bakery........

The bakers busied themselves slathering the counter full of cooling cakes with their potent icing blend concocted from the purest whip-whippiness while listening to the customized in-store S&M Bakery music programming featuring:
Whip It- Devo
Let It Whip- Dazz Band
Beat It- Michael Jackson
Whip Appeal- Babyface
Chains Of Love- Erasure
Leather And Lace- Stevie Nicks/Don Henley
Southern Nights- Glen Campbell (Only the sickest freaks listen to Glen Campbell)

Okay, I'm a Bakery poseur. I've never actually ventured inside an S&M Bakery, although I hear their special "Kiss My Bundt" cakey treats are 100 percent yum.

I snapped this picture inside the supposedly wholesome Kroger's Bakery last week while deciding on a cake for my son Buster's 11th birthday.

I never before knew that something called "whippy" could constitute an actual icing flavor. At least it wasn't combined with a nutty topping. Yeah, Whippy Nuts Crunch sounds like a delicacy you'd only find sold by street vendors at a parade in San Francisco. Maybe whippy is a delightful blend of horse whips, whipped cream, and the House Majority Whip.

I'm going to invent a new online glossary devoted to whippy stuff. I'll call it WHIPAPEDIA.

At this point, Kroger's is but one step away from becoming your erotic bachelor/bachelorette party cake headquarters.

Fear of the unknown and inexplicable urged me to wisely opt for the tried-and-true buttercreme topping.

The Smiling Infidel's adventurous palate stops here.

16 comments:

Suburban Hippie said...

I had a dream last night that I ate 5 cupcakes... it was pretty dang awesome.

Millie said...

I will miss reading you (regarding your other non-commenty post). You are loved, you are wonderful, you are awesome. :)

Please come back when you can.

Lisa said...

Thinking of you and finally sending out my alaska-y find to you today. I'm slow. In all ways.

Maybe you could go in and ask for a taste of the whippy flavored icing. You know, to educate the rest of us.

Take care. Good luck with all that is on your plate. Lots of good thoughts are heading your way.

By the way, my mom told me that FEMA assistance was available to all who were without electricity for more than 5 days. Don't know if that is helpful, but I hope so.

carrie said...

I'm sure who ever put whippy on that sign would be thrilled that Elasticwaistbandlady took notice and wrote a hilarious post about it. I know I would be.

I thought about you and your gang daily. I'm glad you made to through the storm unscathed.

April said...

I'm commenting on this one cause you closed the comments on teh other one :P So there!
Priorities are priorities. Take care of the things you need to. The whole blogging world will still be here when life allowes you to return. We will look forward to that day... You are sure one great lady. Good luck with everything.

Melissa said...

Sigh. I'm sorry things are not going well right now. And I will certainly miss your blog! I am unfamiliar with this "priorities" thing. I spend all day on the computer neglecting my family and eating bon bons. I don't see anything wrong with that...
(((Hugs))) Hope you're able to get back to bloggy land some day...

JustRandi said...

I'll miss you, and especially your posts about your paper route. I don't know why, but those seem to really fascinate me.

Stay well, and I'll watch my google reader for you to come back!

Stephanie and Co. said...

I will miss the irreverent Elastic humor. Good luck with public school and your job. Let me sing you a song. . . "To Every thing. . .turn,turn,turn. . . there is a season. . ." or something like that. May the force be with you and bring you back to bloggy land soon.

omar said...

This reminds me of "spotted dick." Was that at Kroger's? I don't remember.

Though it's widely accepted, it also bothers me that "white" is considered a cake flavor. A cake that tastes like white with frosting that tastes like whippy? Doesn't make any sense.

Jean Knee said...

I've had whippy frosting--it's like cool whip only not cool hence it's just whippy

Physcokity said...

I like me some whipped frosting...somehow it's lighter. Oh the irony. Just when you're back you have to go again...until next time! I shall miss the infidel while she away taking care of something called life...and a bundt pan full of mini infidels.

OK that just sounds weird.

I'll be here waiting for your return...even after you turn off the lights. Kinda like that weird kid who won't go away and doesn't really understand the concept of "no"

b. said...

I'm sorry things are a little rough down there. I have and will be (especially when I listen to my xm--did you HEAR the broads today??Naughty!) thinking of you.

It kills me not to respond like I have been...but it's really hard to keep up.

Boo.

I'm just sorry.

BIG RICH said...

Hey do you want me to GHOST YOUR BLOG FOR A WHILE LIKE i DO ANNIES OH YEA a few changes in font sneak in BUT NOBODY will notice.

whippy WHIPPY whippy!

Heffalump said...

You will be missed!
Going back to work sucks...and public school is probably not going to be very fun for the spork ninjas.
I look forward to your return...I'll wait for you Elastic, even if it takes two whole years!

Nancy Face said...

I'm sorry about everything that is making you feel sad and stressed...tired and guilty, too!

BUMMER. :(

I am not one of those clever commenters, but I sure do love reading what they have to say in response to the AMAZING things you write! :)

I really do care about you, and I'll miss you BIG TIME!!!

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!