Friday, September 05, 2008

My House Is More Ghetto Than Your House: Escaping To A Tropical Wonderland For Cheap

Can you physically buy Paradise? Of course you can! Us Infidels bought ourselves a little slice of Tropical Paradise happiness-for less money than a loincloth layaway plan- down at our favorite 99 Cents Only store.

Wait, I'm exaggerating a bit. We didn't actually acquire our own Tropical Paradise for the 99 Cent purchase price. No, it was more like $1.07 after tax.

Who needs to bury their head in the sand when life smacks them around in its perverse version of the Whack-A-Mole game? Not us. We only have to tuck our heads into the soft, wooly crevice of our armpits to be whisked away to a carefree land of endless beaches and endless coconut shrimp platters.

The label does clearly state that it offers up 24 Hour Tropical Paradise service. It'll be like putting that Tom Cruise "Cocktail" movie on replay while you have a mock Mai Tai marathon........only better! Let those stinky Beach Boys have Kokomo all to themselves. You can have your very own Tropical Pit Paradise!

If you like pina coladas...........and sniffin' your pits in the rain.......then this is the deodorant you've looked for.......take a whiff and ESCAPE!
*Suave's Tropical Paradise scented deodorant really does smell sort of like a pina colada. Well, a pina colada made in your blender with the missing lid so then you improvise by covering it with your bathing suit that reeks of Hawaiian Tropic suntan lotion instead*
Suave Tropical Paradise Is The Official Deodorant Of Tiki Gods Everywhere!

36 comments:

Thorny Tree Lady said...

A fantastic way to have summer in the fall. And were you spying on me the other night as I made myself a virgin Pina Colada????

Millie said...

You know, I would buy this deodorant, but I worry about alcoholic pina colada lovers following me and my delectable-smelling pits around ...

"I only have to tuck my head into the crevice of my armpit to be whisked away..." was my favorite. Go figure. :)

Millie said...

TTL: If you weren't expecting, I'd be doing the "Yeah right - VIR-GIN pina colada" thing to you right now but it's in such poor taste when directed at a pregnant mother.

Any other time - totally tasteful.

Yvonne said...

Pina coladas are my favorites--so I'm heading to my local dollar store as soon as I can to pick that up. Thanks. (I really don't think I can turn my head far enough to smell my armpits ; )

CoconutKate said...

Going to a tropical paradise is over-rated anyway. Taking one with you on the other hand...

nora.lakehurst said...

Yes I love Pina coladas and smelling my pits in the rain! How did you know? Man alive that is my only way I can get to a tropical paradise at all. ;) JK I actually cant stand that stuff. I think its so gag. Anyways I hope you enjoy it more than I did ;)

glittersmama said...

I totally heard your voice while reading this post. Love it!

Hey It's Di said...

Suave should hire you for reals! Your marketing tactics would bust them out of the 99 cent stores in no time flat!

I prefer to stick with my sweat and stink of my pits. That way I can have my own African Adventure:)

Jay said...

Oh no - it sounds like it smells of coconut! I don't know why, but I can't stand the smell of coconut in perfumes. I had my hair done once at a salon which used coconut scented products and I couldn't stand myself till I got home and washed it off! LOL!

What will they think of next?

Natasha Becoming Something said...

Let us know when Suave jumps all over that and hires you for ad campaigning! ;-)

Seriously, why someone would want to smell like cheap perfume, I don't know. I'm so tired of all the fragrances in things these days (like as if my dish detergent needs to smell like fake lavender!). It's very hard on people like me who are scentsitive.

wynne said...

I can just see you, after a long hard day or workin', homeschoolin', cookin', and bloggin'--poor exhausted Elastic, desperately in need of a vacation--and she lifts her arm,ducks her head down, and gets a deep whiff of her underarm...ahhhhh! All is right in the world.

J-Mom said...

I actually used this for awhile. And when I first started using it, occasionally I would catch myself thinking, "What smells so good? Oh it's me."

Then I bought one that was missing half of the deodorant right down the middle, not such a great deal.

Stacey said...

I *heart* the smell of the pina colada..but I would be frightened of drunk people trying to lick my pits.

Melissa said...

Fascinating... I didn't know that smelling like an alcoholic beverage was in style these days! Did they have a margarita one? Strawberry, preferrably...

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

STACEY! You just won the comment of the century prize!

It's not a tangible award but you made me chortle.....yeah, I said CHORTLE. Really, isn't reward enough?

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm going to crash an AA meeting to test out your theory.

Hilary said...

You and your comment people just made my day!

Palm Springs Savant said...

"yes I like Pina Coladas, gettin caught in the rain" But I am into health food (hee hee).

fun post today, made me smile. I use the unscented stuff tho.

Suburban Hippie said...

I think I have purchased this in the past... I think I liked it - not enough to buy it again though. I don't like the ones that smell like baby powder.

I wear a hand lotion that smells like wedding cake and my dog always tries to leap up and lick my fingers as I walk past.... it makes me want to vom when she doesn that.

Nobody said...

I heard your voice too.

And I pictured you and all the deoderant wearing infidels standing around like sleeping birds, with your heads tuck under your arms.

Jean Knee said...

crap crappity I was going to say I'd try it if i could keep myself from licking my pitts.

well, whatever. I'll never use it now

Elizabeth-W said...

Millie, it wasn't just a crevice. It was a wooly crevice, and that makes all the difference.
Elastic is sooo French.

Tracy said...

I was worrying about it looking.. well sort of bizarre if I walked around all day smelling my pits whenever I needed a moment of paradise... but then I realised that with as many people reading your blog, we'll all be doing it and we will all look totally normal! Score!

This reminded me of that annoying deoderant commercial where she's walking down the street and she gives one guy a high five, then she calls a cab to tell him she'll walk, then she's crossing a street in front of a cop car and stops in front of it and sticks her arms in the air and yells "I'm innocent" then takes a big whiff of her exposed armpit and says "and fresh too!"
I want to punch her in the forehead.

Stacey said...

I made you chortle Elastic? That makes me feel happy! :D

I hate that deoderant commercial too. I wish someone would run her over with a car. I refuse to high five her. Freak.

Amber said...

I've got another tropical paradise on the cheap--pina colado Jell-o. I bought it from Target last week and believe me, it comes a little bit too close to tasting like something out of those pits in the rain....

jams o donnell said...

I wonder if the manufacturers do other flavours.. I'm sure there's a market for Harve Wallbanger, Manhattan, Daquiri and so on. THey could be taken up by a cosmetics company here in the UK called Lush!

aubrey said...

i have a tropical, fruit secret deodorant and often get a random whiff of it throughout the day and always forget that that smell is my armpits, instead of some fruity drink someone's brewing up.

carrie said...

You had me at whooly armpits and pina coladas.

Jami said...

Now I can go to sleep happy. Fun post and fun comments. Thanks. I needed a giggle.

Millie said...

Elizabeth, I didn't see any hair in her armpits. I think she's leading us on about being French.

Lori said...

ummm I do NOT have wooly pits .. thank you very much! ;P

VE said...

Forget deodorant. I had my pit pores seal-a-mealed to avoid the smelly stuff in the first place. All the stoopid pretty people are doing it...

nikko said...

"If you like pina coladas...........and sniffin' your pits in the rain.......then this is the deodorant you've looked for.......take a whiff and ESCAPE!"

Bwa ha ha! Great. Thanks. Now I have it stuck in my head.

Chell said...

Oh goodness thats funny!! I have never seen ANYTHING like that before and Im not intirely sure I would want my pits to be smelling like cocktails!! :)

Millie said...

Is your nose stuck now? Pull your head out :)

Physcokity said...

hhaaaaaaaaahhaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa.

I'm sick, and overly tired so that's all you get... for now.

Beat that ya little pit sniffer...which in this case I guess is better than being a trout sniffer.