Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Proof That Genetics Are To Blame For Me Failing To Make It As A Master Of Improv

My beloved Grandmother was a corporate firebrand, who made male executives quake in their tasseled Florsheim loafers, long before the so-called "Women's Movement."
She's not much into talking on the phone, but then she had her own secretary so she didn't have to.

So anyway, she called to invite the whole Infidel clan over to her home for lasagna since we'd gone without electricity for so long we were turning into an indigenous tribe of Caneaters.
After the arrangements were made my Grandma was anxious to get off the phone. In her haste the best line she could come up with was a flustered "I have to go right now because the battery is running low in my...............(long dramatical pause)..........in my FIRE ALARM!"

Preparing for the future doesn't just entail food and water and all that stuff. No, a prudent person should also have a handy dandy list of viable excuses ready for immediate use at all times.

*Thanks Grandma. The lasagna was delicious!*

27 comments:

Millie said...

Wasn't that lasagna delicious, though? :)

I'm thinking Grandma needs a new book of excuses. You and the mini-Infidels should take that on as a Christmas project for her.

Melissa said...

I have a grandma that doesn't like to be on the phone either. But she won't come up with an excuse. She'll just cut you off and say, "Bye". :)

Lori said...

LOL!! I'm thinking that she IS "GRANDMA" so maybe she meant smoke alarm???

ummmmm please don't strike me down grandma!!! lol ;P

Stephanie and Co. said...

I like the "Handy Excuses" book idea. If you and the mini infidels make one, I'd love a copy. I hate talking on the phone.

aubrey said...

lol. nice one, grandma. mm lasagna sounds good.

Stacey said...

Great,now I have another excuse for when I want to get off of the phone! ;)

Mmmm..lasagna.

Physcokity said...

haha yes a good flexible cure all excuse is always a good thing to have on hand at your disposal

Physcokity said...

I think you could totally cash in on the "Handy Excuses" book idea...and couple that with some of the most bizarre excuses...*COUGH*firealarm*COUGH*

Rhonda said...

Still no electricity? Need to come over and do some laundry? :)

Hey It's Di said...

I guess I should remove that one from my list of excuses? I thought it was good actually. Besides, Grandmas can get away with anything. She could have said the battery was low in her lipstick and I would have gone with it....especially with good lasagna waiting!! YUM!!

Jean Knee said...

I think most Grandmas don't like talking on the phone.

lasagna....mmmmmm

"where did my head go?" wynne said...

I don't like talking on the phone myself. And I think the next time I want to get off the phone, I may just borrow your grandma's line. You don't think she'd mind, do you?

(Is the electricity still not on? Holy cow dung, elastic. You'd better find a way to generate some of your own. Maybe a big hamster-wheel-type contraption that you could run the mini-infidels on...they could run in shifts, and you could call it P.E.)

Methodical wormer said...

My fire alarm batteries are always getting low on me too dang it.

Too bad she doesn't still have that secretary handy...

Annie said...

I wrote about you for my next Home and Garden article. It's about food storage.

I hope I represented you accurately, if not, sue me. No, not me, the paper. Just kidding. Me, not them, no them, me, them, me.

J-Mom said...

A good excuse book could come in handy for many, many situations. Maybe she was using her own book and the pause was just to open the book,
Excuse #87---batteries in fire alarm.

I agree though, any excuse could be said with lasagna waiting later.

My Grandma is funny about the phone thing too, it's like she forgets that it doesn't cost per minute anymore.

Heffalump said...

She should have stuck with the "I have to wash my hair" excuse. It always works.

jams o donnell said...

My mum is much the same with the phone. She is never one to stay longer than she needs to. THen again she would not have had a phone until her 30s so that probably moulds her behaviour...

Sketchy said...

I think this should be a regular addition to the infidel lineup. "More excuses for Grandma."

You could be world wide.
Don't tell me you have a ton of suggestions. We know you do.

Suburban Hippie said...

It's sad but can I relate to your grandma. I don't really like talking on the phone and will come up with excuses to get off... my sister is the same and we always laugh at each other because we know when the other one is doing it. "well, I better go because... you know."

JustRandi said...

Well, I think your grandma is brilliant!


I just keep using the old battery in my phone, or battery in my hearing aide.
...fire alarm = brilliant.

Jay said...

ROFL! Maybe it was beeping at her! LOL!

I tell my mother (after three quarters of an hour and a bad case of 'telephone arm') my phone batteries are going and it's gonna cut out. Sadly, this is usually all too true.

Chell said...

Mmmmm, lasagne.

Just paint me orange and call me Garfield. I could live on lasagne.

Now I am going to have to cook some tonight.

Jill said...

How many other times could that excuse work?

"Hey, could you be in charge of the PTA fundraiser?"
"No, sorry, I need to change the batteries in my smoke alarm."

"Mom, I don't have any clean clothes to wear."
"I'm sorry dear, I didn't wash them because I was busy changing the batteries in my smoke alarm"

"Hey mom! What's for dinner?!?"
"Who can think of dinner when the batteries in the smoke alarm need to be changed?!?!"

"Excuse me, do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
"I'm sorry officer, I was racing home to change the batteries in my smoke alarm."


It could totally work!!

Nouveau Riche said...

Ha, I love your Grandma.

I think I need my own secretary too. When I was a secretary, I was very good at coming up with excuses for my boss. Can't manage it for myself though.

I would say more, but I too need to go change the batteries on my smoke alarm.

Jami said...

Very, very funny!

I guess she's too classy to use the never-fail "I need to go to the restroom" excuse. Followed with an "I love you, but not that much."

How's about a handy-dandy "someone's at the front door." Or "the gotta go this migraine is killing me" Or the classic: "I need to finish taking the plywood off the windows so you guys can have some sunshine when you get here."

Millie said...

Sorry honey, I gotta go... it's my turn to ROCK THE CASBAH! ROCK THE CASBAH!

Oh, and my batteries need changing.

(Sharif don't like it - thinks it's not kosher)

Nancy Face said...

I don't know what's better...the scrumptious, not-canned lasagna or the awesome excuse! :D