Monday, January 05, 2009

I Thought I Really Knew My Husband......But That Was Before I Saw His Naked Pictures On The Internet

Yes, there's really 3 photos of my Mexi-man showing off his naked Mexi-CAN right on the Internets.
See, when Papi was but a young and saintly 19 year-old missionary he had the unfortunate luck of both getting called to an area that lacked indoor plumbing and being coupled with an impish companion who possessed a wicked prankster prowess......or should I say possesses a wicked prankster prowess in the present tense?
While perusing a web site and catching up with his fellow mission companions this weekend, Papi was shocked to see nudie photos of his backside posted up for all the world to see like some sort of Papi Posterior Pictorial.
I've enjoyed going clickety really fast through the pictures; it makes it look as though Papi's doing a sultry Mexi-Can-Can Dance just for me.
That's right Papi, shake it a little more for your Elastic Mammacita!
Papi remembers that this particular companion enjoyed sneaking up on people and pulling practical jokes.
Papi even vaguely recalls the day his companion hid around the corner of the outdoor bath and snapped his picture as he got into the concrete stall; he just can't believe that the now 36 year-old man would post them on a mission web site like that!
Sometime during the mission, another missionary-undoubtedly seeking revenge- turned the tables on this unethical Elder and snapped a picture of him entering the bath with his own camera. Conveniently enough though, he censored that picture on the site while leaving Papi's intact.
I could potentially zoom in and order poster-size prints of Papi's naked nalgas to give to all our closest loved ones next Christmas.
Of course, I would make sure they're tastefully done. I'd alter the photos' natural brown coloring to a more classic and artistically appealing black&white. Sadly, that would shoot my art gallery exhibition idea. I wanted to call it either "Brown Is The New Black" or "Look At What Brown Can Do For You!"
I met Papi when he was 22. I didn't get a private Papi posterior showing until he was 23. Seeing these pictures was like taking a quick Time Machine trip......a Time Machine trip sponsored by Playboy, that is.
It's very naughty to admit this about viewing exploitive pics of a man who's dedicated himself to serving God for 2 years, but Papi was totally hot!
I only wish his companion would have snapped an even dozen candid Mexi-CAN shots of my Papi so I could have ordered an Elder Papi: Missionary Man calendar made for my personal enjoyment.

*EDIT: Here's some pictures of my Papi in action on his mission. Make that fully-clothed Papi in fully-clothed action on his mission. Sorry to get you ladies all excited like that.
I have to admit that I'm somewhat grateful for that sly Elder Davis and his photography fetish. Thanks to him I'm able to see pics of missionary man/action figure Papi for the very first time since Papi left all his film back in a Mexico City storage unit. So, thanks Elder Davis!*
[Papi is the cute toothy guy on the right]

[Papi is the cute toothy guy on the left :)]

[I keep teasing Papi but he swears he's not wearing a Walkman. I think it's a mini fanny pack but Papi denies it.]

[The upcoming sequel to James And The Giant Peach......Papi And The Giant Mango!!!! Shot live on location.]

[Papi is the cute toothy one on the right again. They said "Choose The Right" and the man sure did listen!]


Jean Knee said...


yo suckers everyone else too slow

Jean Knee said...

So, where did you say the pictures were? What site?

Not that I'm gonna look or anything, that would be creepy.


carrie said...

I lust after my El Jefe's mission pictures, so hot!

Though, I haven't had the fortune/misfortune of seeing his nekked booty on the internets.

"like some sort of Papi Posterior Pictorial."
That was my favorite part.

Millie said...

Yeah, I feel really sick and dirty about it, but Bunny was a hot little missionary and it's a good thing we didn't know each other then. "Son... are you still worthy?"

I can't believe this guy posted Papi's butt pictures. Haven't we all been warned about porn and its dangers?

Jami said...

Does your Pappi have a temper? Should we warn the prankster of his impending doom?

My man was once nick-named Elder Ichabod. I didn't get my private showing until he was 28. And I'm so glad.

nora.lakehurst said...

Poor guy. I would have him do some revenge. I don't know like........Uhhh I am not very good at pranking. Good luck though. I am sorry he was a victim to poor missionary companionship. I hope you enjoyed the sultry dance though. LOL

Anonymous said...

you defiantly made me giggle with that one. I needed to read that today. Can!! Bwaaahhaaaa!!

Rebecca said...

Now I'm curious. Why on earth do guys like to take pictures of each other like that?

When I saw your post title, I thought "How clever! I wonder what on earth she's going to have an explanation for such a far-fetched title".

Then I saw the naked truth. Or read about it. I've not been privileged to see those pictures, nor do I want to!

nikko said...

LOVE it. The Internet knows no bounds. ;o)

Yvonne said...

Oh your poor Papi.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

Hah! I think it is safe to say that Papi served well before they officially "raised the bar." I mean, not for your righteous Papi's sake, but certainly for his idiot companion.

Science Teacher Mommy said...

Oh, and Plantboy served in Brazil. He was SCRAWNY. The farmer tan coupled with the I-look-like-I-ate-a-tapeworm body and the enormous change-to-dark-in-the-sunlight glasses is not a look I could have gone for. I'm grateful it was the beefed up version of Plantboy I met a few years later.

jams o donnell said...

Shots of Papi's sweet can are abroad on the internet? Now that must warrant a search!

Annie said...

How unseemly! How unmissionary like!

There is good reason we put our young men in lock down mode when they are 19. Some for their own protection and some for ours.

"Brown is the new black"

"Look what brown can do for you"

Infidel classics!

Suburban Hippie said...

Awwww... it seems so cute and sad all rolled into one.

b. said...

Sepia. Do them up in Sepia.

Sketchy said...

What can Brown do for you?

I vote for that one.

Not that I'm coming to the exhibition...well maybe just to see you, but I'm keeping my eyes on the floor.

Klin said...

Leave it to you to take an unfortunate incident and turn it into something we can laugh at.

I feel bad for your Papi. Stupid, immature, missionary companion. There are lines that were crossed there. Sheesh.

I'm voting for "What can brown do for you."

So far I've liked my brown man.

Elizabeth-W said...

I think someone needs to make an anonymous post on the website about how the Hugh-Hefner wanna-be secretly wants a job with GQ. Just an idea...

Memarie Lane said...

Those Elders usually are (sigh). The Church really knew what they were doing when they thought up their missionary program. I see those polyester ties, rosy cheeks, and plastic black nametags coming down the street and my heart just goes pitty-pat.

Marites said...

hilarious!! and what site were they? just curious..:D

Nancy Face said...

Like Rebecca, I saw the title and thought it was going be another clever Infidel joke! But it really HAPPENED?! Sheesh! :0

Nancy Face said...

I can sort of understand how an immature, not-so-dedicated missionary might pull a prank like that in his foolish youth...but to post them on the INTERNET? And to do it now, after all these years?


Nancy Face said...

But you sure are funny in telling about it!

"I've enjoyed going clickety really fast through the pictures; it makes it look as though Papi's doing a sultry Mexi-Can-Can Dance just for me."

Tee hee! :D

Stacey said...

Poor Papi! That is pretty lame to post them on the internet.

Nancy Face said...

YAY! Pictures...WITH CLOTHES! ;)

Hilary said...

He sure is a cutie and I recognize that lovely smile in the faces of your kidlets. Hopefully they won't take after their Dad in other ways so you'll never have to see their vertical smiles on any web pages.

Suzanne said...

"Elder Papi: Missionary Man calendar" Elastic, you crack me up! I too lust after my hubby's missionary pics. He was just SO hot and there is something about that twinkle in a missionary's eye that makes them hotter.

Tell his companion that you own all rights to those pictures because you are his wife. Then he'll have to take the pics down and send them to you for your enjoyment! :)

Rhonda said...

I knew 40 is the new 30, and 30 is the new 20, and black is the new white, but I didn't know brown is the new black. I need a spreadsheet for this stuff.

Papi is a very happy man! :D

P.S. Happy New Year!

Jean Knee said...

I looked all over but I didn't see no booty

Suburban Hippie said...

I love the added pictures!

Melissa said...

Looks like a happy missionary!!
That was so nice of the Elder to post those can-can pictures! So thoughtful :)

Annie said...

Thanks for the phone call yesterday. You are my favorite infidel.

Palm Springs Savant said...

oh my, such SCANDAL right here on this corner of the internet. wow-wee!!!

aubrey said...

holy smokes..i will have to ask paul what kind of shenanigans went down in his mission. what a naughty little elder taking nudie shots of the other missionaries. and nice fanny pack, papi!

J-Mom said...

Sorry I haven't been around---vertigo--hard to read stuff when it keeps spinning! Missed ya though!

The clicking back and forth of the pictures to get him do a dance cracked me up.

Sorry this happened!

J-Mom said...

Sorry I haven't been around---vertigo--hard to read stuff when it keeps spinning! Missed ya though!

The clicking back and forth of the pictures to get him do a dance cracked me up.

Sorry this happened!

Bring Naked Back said...

Where are the pictures??? huh??

this is false advertising