Friday, June 05, 2009

I Reached Into The Record Bin And Unexpectedly Got POOPELOO All Over My Hands!

You should always exercise extreme caution when rifling through a crate of old records......you just never know what sort of sensory horrors may be lurking within!

Sure, I completely anticipated running my grubby little Infidel fingers over a hairy Bee Gee chest or two or three, and maybe exposing one of Herman's Hermits to the light of day......."Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good......." but, I most certainly was not expecting to have my hand land in a big pile of old POOPELOO. Fresh and new POOPELOO is fine. Crusty vintage POOPELOO reeks.
Notice the record cover? It's POOPELOO to the third power!!!!!
You can just imagine some of the very unfortunate conversations that took place upon POOPELOO's release:


  • I put POOPELOO on the record player. It sounded like crap.
  • Don't you know who I am? I made POOOPELOO! (Yeah, you and every other human, freak.)
  • I found POOPELOO on vinyl at the record store today! Ewww, that's nasty. Did you complain?
  • Hey, did you release a 7-inch POOPELOO? (Perhaps you should consult a doctor about that.)
  • Have you listened to POOPELOO lately? (Oh, is that what you call it? I call it 'The Plop Plop')
  • Hey, wanna do the POOPELOO with me? (Uh, no thanks. My anti-diarrheal medicine has just kicked in.)
  • Every time I put POOPELOO on the record player it scratches and skids. I freakin hate POOPELOO skid marks.

Thank your lucky stars that records weren't produced in a scratch-n-sniff format. It might have worked out okay for "Strawberry Fields Forever" but POOPELOO, not so much.

Tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the more discriminate Antique Mall shoppers I found a box that held quite a remarkable assortment of International cheese.

Most notable is our fine feathered friend, Paul Severs. Flanking Paul on either side of his forehead are golden blond wings that could potentially start flapping in the wind at any given moment, thus elevating him above the Non-Oh La La Zo Sexy riff raff.

After all, you little people should know that you're not truly Oh La La Zo Sexy material like Paul if you're not wearing a powder blue mesh undershirt that doubles as a fish net/laundry bag/chest hair trap along with a twee Mickey Mouse pin on your lapel. You also have to make sure to narrow your eyes for the camera while positioning your mouth in an awkward and uncomfortable grimace like you just ate a bad crepe over at the Oh La La Zo Sexy Cafe. Sure, it may appear as though Paul is squinting at the sun but he's actually working his potently seductive allure.

Please, allow me to remind you just who is the master and commander of all things Oh La La Zo Sexy. It's most certainly not you and me, my friend.

Although, in Paul's defense, he does have some amazingly rock hard abs. I should know. Just look at the picture, I got my hands all over them!

18 comments:

Suzanne said...

I'm first!?! Gosh, I'm on a roll today...

Elastic, good luck getting all the Poopeloo off your hands!

BTW, your hair looks SO cute! :)

b. said...

You are looking HOT!! (as always!)

When I first looked at Paul's photo, I thought, "Something is wrong with how he is sitting..." and then I realized it's your fingers.

Carrot Jello said...

Good times my friend. Good times.

Jami said...

I thought that Paul's picture had something seriously, crudely wrong with it as well. Then I realized it was just your fingers!

A seven inch poopeloo does sound awfully uncomfortable.

Millie said...

You look beautiful as always! So fun to see your face! Your hair looks great.

Oh my heck, HOW I LAUGHED. (I mean, when don't I - but seriously!)

I couldn't figure out why Paul had weird little frog legs sticking out under his hot, hot blue shirt. I shuddered to think that Paul's legs had shriveled up and died during the release of "Oh La La Zo Sexy." Then I realized...

Those are your thumbs.

Klin said...

And that is why I labled that particular genre of music cRap!

Bahahahahahahahahahaha

It took me a few minutes of looking at that dudes "legs" to realize that those aren't legs.

Carrot Jello said...

You should hire me as your personal photographer. I make you look good.

Stacey said...

7 inch poopeloo..tee hee.

Move over Zac Efron,there is a new hottie in town! Oh la la,check out that Paul Severs! *rowr*

Palm Springs Savant said...

hee hee that will never get old. very funny.

Cofo said...

God, I just ate. Do you really have to talk about getting Poopeloo ALL over your hands?

I hope you at least learned to always wear gloves when you might have to handle old records.

Clint & Alicia McLaws said...

Ok- I am officially de-lurking! My name is Alicia and I found your blog through Busy Bee Lauren (I think...) quite some time ago. I've popped in and read from time to time...

and the Poopeloo has done me in. I sat here and laughed so hard, my husband had to come and check on me. He thought I was wheezing because something was wrong! I don't believe I have ever laughed that hard!

carrie said...

First of all I have to say you look marvelous, darling!

I don't know about that Paul Severs he looks like the dorky french brother of Rick Springfield.

Jean Knee said...

I had never even heard of Poopelo until today.

where've I been?

Bee said...

Hey! You look great! Can pass on your secret to me? But if it involves diet, exercising and bathing I'll pass! :o)

Jillybean said...

Include me in the group that thought that your fingers were his legs. You should have crossed your fingers, the photo is almost obscene.
Either that, or he was trying to do a Poopeloo.

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Anonymous said...

I just want to add that the way the writer is holding the Paul Severs record sort of looks like he's sitting with his knees extending towards the reader/picture taker. It's like a scary, 3D billboard record!

BA
http://pregnantorfat.wordpress.com/

Geosomin said...

That album?
AWESOME :P