Pictured above are my new shoes purchased at the grand Memorial Day sale held at Kohl's. At a size 10, my feet are large enough to cause panic in the streets of China, and probably Pain! At The Disco, as well. I'm no junior petite, and my feet reflect that; oh, so very well. They appear to have a golden tinge to them but they're actually bronze. Papi teases me endlessly about my "goldplated" shoes. To which, I tell him that they're not gold, because I'm not a first place champion, I'm only a third place loser. So, now he's started calling me "Hercules", every time I wear them.
(I have hideous, ant bitten, ugly-toed, feet. Refrain from examining too close, as it will be to your ocular peril)
As a kid, I had a friend with a yellowish mutt dog, also named, Hercules. One day, Hercules escaped from the yard and I assisted her in trying to locate and retrieve him. We walked up and down the street, yelling his name at the top of our lungs. Finally, we caught the attention of an old lady at the corner house who wrinkled her nose and asked, "What did you say"? We told her that we were calling for Hercules. Then she smiled and said,"Oh mercy me! I thought you two were screaming HERPES, all this time". We didn't know what that meant, but my Mom had a big laugh about it.
My Mom is an oft married and betrothed woman. My last stepfather came into the picture around my twelfth birthday. Looking back, I suppose that subconsciously, I wanted to sabotage their relationship. When the romance was still in it's infancy, I cut out a magazine ad that had amused me. It featured two people, walking hand in hand on the beach, looking at each other with eyes of love. The caption above read, "The hardest thing she ever had to face, was telling Roger about having HERPES". I don't know what possessed me, or why I thought it would be funny, but I pasted that ad right onto a piece of construction paper, and made a makeshift card out of it. Then, I signed my Mom's name on the inside and left it out for her new beau to find. I still didn't really know what herpes was, only that it must be something very shameful to have such a dramatic, full page ad. My Mom was pissed, to say the least. My future stepdad, Don, looked a bit concerned, and I got a spanking that I still remember to this day.
Thank you Mom...................for letting me live.