Tuesday, August 15, 2006

The Death March.....Now With Conga Line Dance Steps Added To It!


The passing of one life into another is never an easy transition for those of us left behind. Here at the home of The Smiling Infidel, we feel and understand this sense of tragic loss, and we'd like to offer our unique services to bring enlightenment and mirth to you in your time of profound need.

My daughter, Sunbum, and I are always completely somber and reverent whenever we pass a cemetery......... with the exception of last Tuesday. As we drove past the lushly green graveyard around 9:00 A.M., a funeral service had already begun. Just so you know, we are complete Broadway Musical freaks. I've lost count how many times we've sat and watched "My Fair Lady", both at home and on stage. So, as we silently grappled with our inner morbid curiosity that usually coincides with such an event, we asked ourselves "I wonder who died?", "I wonder how old they were, and how they passed from this mortal realm?" When, all of a sudden, Sunbum and I simultaneously burst into song. A rendition of the classic My Fair Lady tune, "I'm Getting Married In The Morning", revised to "I'm Getting Buried In The Morning. Ding Dong The Bells Are Gonna Ring"!

Epiphany! I think we have a bright future as funeral entertainers. Forget Oliver Twist and the paid mourners of the past. Parodied show tunes is the newest innovation for a good time to be had by all at your next graveside family gathering. I'm going to start printing up business cards right away, but I think handling advance reservations will be tricky and possibly incriminating.

31 comments:

the flying monkeys said...

Shhh...

Elizabeth-W said...

Love it!!! I love having that same mind-meld with someone else.
BTW-My Fair Lady just came from Netflix this week, so I'm exposing my kiddos--my older daughter is learning about the relationship between alcohol and clumsiness :)

White Man Retarded said...

Married, buried, what's the difference?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

obokun, no, I mean WOO WOO! I love your new name. It's giving me that WOO WOO feeling!

elizabeth, When people telephone the house and Sunbum picks up, they think she's me. We often finish each other's sentences, laugh at the same things, and share a profound love of Pancho's Mexican Buffet. I fear for her future. Good job starting your kids on a musical diet while they're young.

chupacabra, Makes a big difference when your Church doesn't belive in "til death do you part". Time and all eternity. *sigh*

Gloria Glo said...

You are HIRED! I'm always saying that I REFUSE to have a droll funeral - if it's about "celebrating my life" - well, I want the same level of disrespect that I showed the world at large....so, sign on up. You choose the date. I'm pretty open to anything.

the flying monkeys said...

it was inspired by you elastic

it goes woo woo woo woo and I feel that feeling...a wonderful feeling

here is wishing you, your family and readers a wonderful evening wherever

Radioactive Jam said...

Just make sure you get paid up front. Professional mourners - even A+ clever ones like you - might not fare too well in the probate food chain.

jams o donnell said...

All I want is a plot somewhere
earth keeping out the cold night air
a coffin nice and fair
oh wouldn't it be LUVERLY!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Oh. My. Heck.

My kids and I have sung this exact same song. "Ding, dong, the dirt is gonna fly...someone who's able, lift me off the table, and get me to the HEARSE ON TIME!"

Oh man. My head is swimming.

omar said...

Do you guys do stuff other than show tunes? I'm not really down with show tunes. Disco? A little ABBA? "There goes someone in the ground, tonight. His casket's white. Fernando...."

I mean, that'll only work for a dude named Fernando. But you get what I'm saying.

White Man Retarded said...

I had a dream. Now keep in mind I dreamed this. I came up with a joke in my dreams. What do the Peanuts gang drive?





A Charlie Hearse.

I dreamed that. I woke up and said, yes.

christo said...

I've always thought that Andrea, Anna etc were beautiful names. Not until Sunbum came along!

wendela said...

One of my daughters and I do this same kinda thing (along w/the finishing each other's sentences, thoughts, etc.). We "Weird Al" songs to fit the moment.
I agree w/RaJ- that whole probate thing could cause a snag. I'd opt for what they call around here "pre-need" services.

omar- disco? I think "disco inferno" could have a whole new meaning.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Well, GLO, ordinarily I'd say that since I'm older than you, I'll be the one to croak off first, thus eliminating me from your funeral entertainment plans. However, if Billy Joel is correct, and only the good die young, then apparently, I'm going to live forever.

Hey obokun, have you ever heard of the WOO WOO song by Jeffrey Osborne? It's a classic, I tell you. Everything my Mom fed me as a child said "fortified" on it. So , when Jeffrey sang, "You got to fortify my love, to fortify me", I thought he was talking about vitamins or eating fortified Frosted Flakes cereal. I was a nerd, even back then.

raj, Our services can be rolled into the price of the funeral package. If things go awry though, I can always modify my business to specialize in "Jailhouse Rock" music.

jams, That was endearing and sweet. It makes me wonder.....so, fess up! Which role did you have in your school production? Eliza or Professor Higgins?

Millie, I bow to you, my kindred spirit. That settles it. When we go on our comedy tour, I'll have to play the straight man to your wild and crazy funny man.

Omar, you and millie cracked me up completely with these lyrics. Do you wanna join us on our comedy tour?

christo, Sunbum, is my daughter's chosen hippy name. Mine is Sister Strippy. There's a revealing story behind that....

wendela, Disco Inferno! HA! To be followed by our stirring rendition of "Dust In The Wind".

Belladonna said...

George Bernard Shaw once said:

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die anymore than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

Moi said...

Why do you not have your own sitcom yet?

the flying monkeys said...

Hello elastic,

Don't you even think about it, have you ever heard of the Dance of Death? It can be found painted on the walls of the cloister at St. Paul's Cathedral in London.

the flying monkeys said...

Anyone for a bowl of fortified frosted flakes?

Watch your dance steps ...woo woo woo!

jams o donnell said...

As you know from my blog I bear an uncanny resemblance resemblance to Audrey Hepburn......

jams o donnell said...

Elasticwaistbandlady when you said to Patrick "chupacabra, Makes a big difference when your Church doesn't belive in "til death do you part". Time and all eternity. *sigh*" I was intrigued.

I know very little about the Mormon faith so sorry if this is a dumb question: does that mean that your marriage vows go beyond death?

Also is it true that there was a war between the US government and mormons in the 19th century?

vibrantdeath said...

The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes through the blessings of the priesthood (power of God) marriage between man and woman is for eternity, not just for this mortal life. That's one of the reasons 'Mormons' are so pro-family, pro-marriage, and so on.

There was some strife between the 'Mormons' and the non-members in the 1800s but there wasn't an all-out war. The Church moved to Utah beginning in 1846 to escape religious persecution and that's why it's based there today.

Didn't mean to step on your toes EWL. You can erase this comment if you want, I won't be mad. If you don't, add whatever else you can think of.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

No Cool Story and I just figured out that your picture is of a frog wiping its butt. And smiling.

Is there anything you'd like to share with the rest of us?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Yes. In the immortal words of Fergie, "Check It Out!"

Kermit Could Learn A thing Or Two From My Butt WIping Frog Buddy, Kandoo!

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I'm not one to make succinct points very well, so yeah, good job vibrantdeath. I'd just like to add the oft heard "What is bound on Earth, will be bound in Heaven".

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Hi Belladonna! Welcome! Even though you are poisonous and deadly to mankind.

No, obokun, I haven't heard of The Dance Of Death. I've been working and trying to organize homeschool stuff the past few days, then I'm definitely going to check out the link. Tell me, did you enjoy Jeffrey Osborne's WOO WOO song?

the flying monkeys said...

a very gay song, not bad eh...so i put it up specially for you here !

no evidence you been there yet? do you like it too?

the flying monkeys said...

i think i wanna be a mormon not cos i hear you are a mormon: ever heard of wicca? can a mormon practice wicca, have always wondered whether both religions could agree

the flying monkeys said...

ever heard of the band Iron Maiden? they wrote a tune:Dance of Death...

now, i think that should have been the Woo Woo song

jams o donnell said...

vibrant death, Thanks for answering my questions. What happens if a spouse dies? Does that mean you are not able to remarry?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

obokun, A Wiccan and a Mormon can be friends, however, the two faiths are definitely not interchangeable in any way. Mormons are Christians that use The Bible and believe in God the creator and in his Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. The only main difference is that we also use the Book Of Mormon. It is a record of Jesus coming to visit and teach in the Americas after his resurrection. Lots of fascinating corroborating evidence of the truthfulness of The Book Of Mormon has been found in the ancient Mayan and Aztec Temple ruins, as well as caves and artifacts scattered all over the continental U.S.

jams, I'm just a heathen convert. Papi has been a member his entire life though. Yes, you can remarry after a spouses death. I'm waiting for vibrantdeath to fill in the in the more detailed angle of this.

Where are you vibrantdeath?

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

vibrantdeath has just died...

a vibrant death.

Just kidding, I don't know. :)

OK, going now to check out the Kandoo guy. (I'd have chosen a different name, I think.)