Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Run For Your Lives!!!!

I'm gonna blow. Caution! The forecast calls for a torrential salty typhoon of self pity ahead followed by large nasal drips. Moderate to severe bellyaching also sweeping across the blogger horizon today.

It's not like me to lose my sunny outlook on life, but the past few days have really worn me down. Why can't maladies show up one at a time instead of waiting for me to pass that dimly lit back alley where they're all hanging out, just waiting to gang up on me? Who taught them how to Kung Fu fight? Hey, I guess by this point, everybody really is Kung Fu fighting.

Here's my list. It's a malady cavalcade!
1. I'm sick. I already know that I'm a sick freak. No, not that kind of sick. The coughing, aching, sneezing, shaking, boogers out of the wazoo kind of sick. I'm not pointing a finger of blame at anyone.......oh what the heck, yes I am! I want to point a particular middle finger towards the guilty party. Do not attend homeschooling activities or any other event where there are lots of people and lots of babies if you know that you have a cold. I've been in agony since Saturday night, and can barely breathe or swallow because my throat is so inflamed. Luckily, the germs stopped with me so I don't have to contend with whiny, sick children rubbing their slimy noses on everything in the house. The sofa has seen enough mucous crust for one lifetime. See? I am still able to point out the bright side of things. Good. Although, from my current vantage point, the bright side is located somewhere at the end of the dark tunnel that faceless voices keep calling me to come towards. "Walk towards the light, walk towards the light." It might be a trap.

2. I have two hideous pimples on my cheek that not even my famously deep dimples can camouflage.

3. We switched shampoos because I can only tolerate those with a mild fruity scent. I guess that's because I, myself, am also mild and fruity. Just so you know, Garnier Fructis shampoo/conditioner combo gave me raging dandruff. I have a massively huge bottle of it left to finish. I'm trying not to be wasteful. Looks like Houston's gonna have that improbable White Christmas after all.

4. The glamorous life of a newspaper carrier means that you have to work even when you feel like crap. I've gone to work while in early labor, delivered a baby, and then returned the next day. Beat that! Somehow, this doesn't feel like what Helen Reddy had in mind while belting out, "I am woman, hear me roar." Although, I really am "too big to ignore." Too loud, too. Sometimes, I feel really bitter when I hear women complaining about vacations they've been privileged to take. Then complaining about their husbands who are never home. Ummmm, that's because they're out supporting YOU, so that you may have the time to complain about them.(military wives excluded) Then moving on to complain about how much they struggle to be perfect. Where is the perspective? Yes, I DO get the irony that I'm complaining about people complaining.

5. We have a leaky roof and an exorbitantly high insurance deductible. It won't be long before I can teach my children all about Toxic Mold and maybe delve into a little Mycological endeavor, because we'll have mushrooms growing right in our very own living room. Educational opportunities abound!

There's more, lots more, but I'm all out of energy. Even my fingers ache. Yes, I have a tremendous amount of blessings in my life too, but for just one teensy tiny moment I'm feeling pity for myself and annoyance at feeling that pity. It's MY pity party, and I'll whine if I want to, whine if I want to, whiiiiiine if I want to. Oh, how the internal struggle battles on.......


omar said...

In case misery loves company, here's a bit of what's going on in the Phillips' household:

- Boy got sick, gave it to both parents.

- Oven -- no, THREE YEAR OLD oven stopped working, Sears robbing me blind to repair.

- Shower leaking water into the kitchen.

- Other shower also leaking water into the kitchen.

- Contractor cuts hole in ceiling, only to determine that the leaks can be fixed with a screwdriver and some caulk IN THE BATHROOMS, meaning that there didn't really need to be a hole in the ceiling. (I'm over-simplifying that.)

I hope some of that helps, my moldy fruity friend. Best of luck to you with regards to roof repair and recovering from illness.

Lianne said...

I'm about to write a grumpy post on my side of the world as well.

I sure hope you feel better!

jams o donnell said...

Snap. I've got a cold and our roof needs fixing too... Hrumph// Tome for a grumpy post on the poor mouth.. or should that be the sore throat or even the snotty nose??

Syar said...

2 : 3 on my forehead and 2 on my right cheek. I'm giving it a few more days before I start playing connect the zits.

3 : All shampoos should have free easy to use small sample bottles that will last the appropriate amount of time so you can figure out whether that's lustrous sheen coating your hair or the natural oils in your scalp have gone on overdrive. sympathizing about being sik, having dandruff AND having to stick to the shampoo. (I am however a garnier fructis user so am now a bit worried)

this is the third blog I've gone to where there are lists of bad stuff or a list of good things to try and distract the blogger from the longer list of bad things. Must be something in the water. Other than the toxic mold.

Elizabeth-W said...

1--I don't like Garnier because I have a rash on my head from it, but my bottle is only about 1/4 gone....sad sad sad.

2--My cousin is a lawyer in Houston, and she has argued toxic mold cases, but now that I think about it, I think she argues on the side of the builder...Never mind....

3--Re:#4--if you were really sick (and I think having a baby counts!!) what would they do without you? Don't they have subs or something?

4--I hope you get feeling better soon! Every time my children have attended their first day of preschool, or nursery, they have both come down with miserable colds. I think they're not very sturdy, meaning they haven't had enough previous germ exposure or something.

Mimo said...

I'm so sorry to hear you are miserable today! I wish they had a way for you to take the day off... but since they don't I hope you have given the kids the week off of school and are making them wait on you and pamper you while you veg in your bed the rest of the day!

christo said...

My back's been acting up again. Darn! Just when I was I starting to get the groove of "extreme skipping while smiling like an inebriated buffoon". And "running like a pregnant yak".

Sigh, sometimes Life isn't all fair.

Get happy soon!

No Cool Story said...

You should be able to whine all you want, after all, that's why you're paying the big bucks...oh, what? never mind.
Why do sick people go out to spread their sickiness? that's just sick, and not nice.

Feel better ok?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

After perusing several blogs yesterday, I found that indeed, a lot of people are recovering from illnesses and/or had a negativity vibe running through it. GAW, we all must be passing around some sort of contagious blogger cootie. Maybe that new beta thing that you all are switching to contains a virus!

Thanks for the sympathy.

the flying monkeys said...

excellent vand funny

Cate said...

Garnier Fructis shampoo really is awful.