This is my very first time...........to play a food critic and write up a restaurant review! I hope that you'll be gentle and still respect me in the morning. I haven't been offered any compensatory "all the Dumass Tacos I can eat" lifetime package. No, I'm not receiving any payment at all for my shameless whoring and effusive praise of this fine little eatery. Hmmm, maybe I'm the Dumass?
Some of you may recall this post mocking Dumass Taco and all that it stood for. But, I was wrong. So very wrong. For the past two weeks, I've reached out and grabbed me some Dumass for myself, and now I'm a confirmed Dumass addict. Like any legitimate food critic, my familia and I have visited Dumass Taco on several occasions and ordered different menu items to test their consistency. I didn't wear any goofy disguises like Ruth Reichl of The New York Times though. I only possess one wig, and its a greasy black Elvis styled pompadour. Somehow I think that may draw the attention I'm trying to avoid. Everything and I do mean everything has tasted wonderful. It takes two days for food poisoning to manifest and exhibit full blown symptoms. So, I gave every visit to Dumass Taco the two day grace period to see if I would die. I'm proud to say that they passed the anti-explosive diarrhea and abdominal cramps test with flying colors! Don't you love this picture of their mascot burro? You can actually see him heaving a sigh of relief that Dumass taco meat is burro and Dumass free. I suggested that they use the burro on a clever T-shirt to promote the place. I think "Got Dumass?" would be funny, but some of you snarky little bloggers can probably come up with a better idea.
You've seen and heard about the true loves in my life like my children and beloved Papi with the sexiest Roman nose ever, it's time to introduce you to the magical world of Mexican sandwiches. This is a torta, so named for the turtle shell shaped bread. Dumass Taco puts a layer of homemade refried beans, your choice of meat (Papi likes alpastor. I like spicy beef.), and then they layer lettuce, tomatoes, avocados, and top it all with a toasted bun smeared in sour cream. Heaven on earth! They only charge 3 dollars for this delight. The sandwich filled my entire plate, filled my belly, and best of all, left my wallet still filled with my hardearned money. Their tacos are priced at a value phenomenon of $1.50. You can also purchase a dozen homemade tamales for 8 bucks. I'm hungry right now. I'm going to electrocute myself drooling all over the keyboard. They offer a take-out service too. Don't think we didn't grab us some Dumass to take home and enjoy, because we did.
The highlight of our lives came the moment that we got to meet the owner/proprietor Mr. Dumass himself! He hired away the cooking genius behind taco competitors, Lupe Tortilla, to come and work for him. The Dumass Taco chef is from Veracruz, just like the blog world's very own No Cool Story! I'm convinced. Good things come from Veracruz. This flag painted wall is dedicated to military members, and Mr. Dumass will post any picture of an armed service individual that you bring in to him. Located at the top in black and white is the original Mr. Dumas. On either side of him are his grandsons(Mr.Dumass' boys) currently stationed in Florida and Japan. Another wall features police officers with the opposing one covered in firefighters. I suggested that they pay tribute to newspaper carriers and I'll donate my own picture. Papi said that the Newspaper Carrier Wall Of Shame will be located in the bathroom behind the commode. When it came time for picture taking, a simple "CHEESE!" just wouldn't suffice. No, those big happy grins came from shouting out "DUMASS!" in unison.
Mr. Dumass and I talked a lot. We bonded over a plate of tamales and traded beauty secrets like old girlfriends. I told him that you can lessen the severity and butchness of wearing steel toe boots by softening it up with a pair of fuzzy hot pink socks. Mr. Dumass noticed my dry, cracked hands from the winter cold and offered me some of his Corn Huskers lotion to sample. We live in the fourth largest city in America. How likely is it to meet someone that knows your husband? Mr. Dumass knows my Papi from a company that they were both employed with a few years ago. You never know which one of your co-workers is a real life Dumass.
So, I've won a new blog fan in Mr. Dumass. He stumbled across The Smiling Infidel(I'm number one for all things Dumass. YESSSS!) while googling and was kind enough to not sue me. In turn, Mr. Dumass has won himself a new taco restaurant fan with me and my family. How cool is it that when I introduced myself he knew me immediately as The Smiling Infidel? Brand name recognition, baby! Mr. Dumass invites all of you to drop by and sample his Dumass goods for yourself. So, if you're ever in the Tomball, Texas area, you have a standing date with Mr. Dumass! Don't worry, he's a Dumass, but he's also a gentleman. Hmmm, "A Dumass And A Gentleman," might make a fun sequel to "An Officer And A Gentleman."
25435 FM 2978 Suite 107
Tomball, Texas 77375