This isn't an actual snapshot of my crack, by the way, but it does look vaguely similar. I'm sort of shy about taking pictures of my own crack. Hey, my crack is personal and private territory! I draw the prohibited photo line at my line. Although, stealing pictures of strangers' cracks doesn't faze me a bit.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Please Stop Looking At My Crack
My crack just keeps on growing by leaps and bounds every day. In fact, my crack has spread so far and so wide that its perilously close to being declared a safety hazard. A total stranger approached me in the Kroger's parking lot last week to comment on the immensity of my crack. His eyes stared intently at my crack, following its every profound curve and dipping valley with a steely gaze that made me turn away in ashamed embarrassment. Then he reached out to touch my crack and offered me his "services." Yeah, like I want to pay someone just to touch my crack. How did I get here? It seems like just yesterday that my crack was tiny and barely noticeable. Now my crack is gaining new ground and threatening to take over non-crack space. I only have McDonald's and their tantalizing dollar hot fudge sundaes to blame for my ever burgeoning crack. My daughters and I ventured down the road less traveled a few months ago to grab one of those dollar dairy treats when a cement truck turned haphazardly right in front of us. The constant onslaught of tumbling gray cement chunks bouncing out of his rear end chute found their way unto the windshield of my super Infidel truck. My crack simply hasn't been the same since.