Friday, April 20, 2007

Colour My World.........With Love

Pervasive messages of tolerance and diversity have surrounded me my entire life. How many times I've spied billboards, commercials, and T-shirts espousing the phrase, "True love sees no color." The Infidel household strictly adheres to an eternal gospel perspective of loving and respecting our neighbors regardless of color, race, or creed. On the surface, it may seem as though I've achieved the highest echelon of color blindness, but it's not true. I'm a giant hypocrite.

I constantly engage in the shameful practice of dividing and segregating just solely based on color and hue. I even have a special place in the house reserved for whites only. Non-whites have a place too, but I adamantly refuse for them to ever co-mingle or get too closely acquainted with the whites. It may sound ignorant, but I worry about their color rubbing off on my close little circle of pristine whites. I explained my conscientious inner conflict to Papi. He's a lovely shade of caramel himself, so I assumed he would hold a greater understanding towards my moral dilemma. I began telling Papi how judging and separating according to color runs afoul of all my standards and values and that I just couldn't stand to go on this way any more. Unsympathetically, Papi dryly told me, "Tough, girlie. You still have to do the laundry."

I've acquired a lot of cuts and scrapes from getting knocked down off my pulpit.

23 comments:

BarnGoddess said...

clever!

very well written.

Now I have laundry to fold, yuck

Kimberly said...

You're right, you are sick, in a twisted sort of way. Oh, how I aspire to be like you one day!

Toni said...

I love how you write! Wish I had one tenth the talent!

Angela said...

So wait, what color ARE you?

Jennifer B. said...

It is the chore that never ends
Yes, it goes on and on, my friend
Some people started doing it not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue, wash and fold forever just because . . .(Repeat and repeat, and repeat)

(I am suddenly swimming in memories of field trips and singing on the bus for HOURS!)

compulsive writer said...

You are so dang funny.

I have a confession. I segregate my jelly beans. Red, yellow and orange must be eaten together.

Thank's all.

p.s. EWL, please come lend your creative writing ability over at the add-on story on my blog. Please?

jams o donnell said...

Hoestly ewbl your segregation of clothes on the basis of colour is shameful!!!!

Seriously, a good one.. more please!

Elizabeth-W said...

At least people at your house honor and obey your segregationist ways. People over here manage to sneak in other hues without telling me. Once those colors go through the dryer, they're stuck forever!!
And you know who the guilty party is? Shazzy. He'll feed girls pizza or something that is all over a pink shirt, then toss the shirt in the laundry without giving it a Shout or anything! Honestly, people!!!

Demosthenes said...

I could use a laundry expert at college next year. You'll get to live in a dorm, be paid absolutely nothing and deal with annoying juveniles all day, every day! What could be better?

No Cool Story said...

I always thought I was "tanned". No, turns out I'm brown.
*Sigh*
It's so hard finding out you're actually a different color than your previosuly thought.
Kinda like when Spiderman washed his whites with his Spidey suit.
Kinda.

on.the.run said...

I bet that laundry in your house is a nightmare, I have 1/3 the amount of children that you have and I can barely handle it, of course littlest feels the need to change his clothes several times a day. My mom went over the edge from the laundry situation, all 6 of us were bed-wetters so in addition to all the crazy amounts of clothing she needed to wash she also had 6 sets of sheets to wash daily.

I love that that picture is called dancing at the laundry mat.

mcewen said...

White supremacy rules, but only with the assistance of Clorox.
Cheers dears

b. said...

You are a genius.
on laundry: I would rather the laundry sit in the basket on the floor than let my dh or kids fold it....they put the fuh-lippin' dishtowels in the bathrooms with the facetowels!!

Chris said...

I think the fashion police could use someone with your qualifications.

jams o donnell said...

You've been tagged!

carronin said...

I've never felt guilt for separating my darks from my whites until now. I feel so bad I may never do laundry again. Well maybe until we all run out of underwear.

b. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sketchy said...

I'll bet you get slapped with a lawsuit from the ACLU now. See? See what you've done?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Don't worry, I'm sure some savvy race baiter. Ooops, I mean 'race advocate' like my buddies Jesse or Al will step forward to represent the disenfranchised and unfairly treated non-white laundry.

I segragate pre-laundry. However, post-laundering, I bring all the colors together to frolic and mingle in one gigantic laundry mountain perched upon ye olde Infidel sofa. And yes, they really can all get along. Imagine that.........

Glo said...

That's hilarious. I just had a conversation with a friend that went like this:

Him: Yeah. The family (we're volunteers together) bought me a new sweatshirt. The other one had a stain on it. And it was ratty. Oh - and they suggested I learn the difference between white and everything else.

Me: Hahahahahah

No Cool Story said...

How did you know I love "Into the Ocean?"
He wants to swim away but does not know how...
Awwwww.

Lene said...

Hah! You are a great writer!

luckyzmom said...

I segregate according to size. I will never live down the time I separated the harvest of shelled peas into small, medium and large.

My egg lady used to fill the cartons of eggs for us without regard for color. The last few weeks she has segregated them according to color and my delight. A row of six orangy brown eggs, a row of six beautiful blue eggs and a row of not quite, but almost white eggs. Then there was the week where there were three tiny brown eggs across, three tiny olive green eggs, three medium pale blue eggs, three medium orangy brown eggs, three medium almost white eggs and three huge brown eggs.