Friday, June 29, 2007

Songs In The Key Of Golly Gee!

Today's edition of Infidel Freak Secret Of The Week has special audio visual accoutrement provided in the sidebar located to your right and linkies down below. I've implemented its use for the benefit of all you young whippersnapper readers who won't have a freakin clue what song I'm referencing since it likely dates back to a time before time when the advent of MTV had not yet come to fruition. Read about a song you don't recognize? Clickety on the titles for your musical enlightenment.
First off, I'm snickering at the mere title of "Mungo Jerry's Greatest Hits!" Did they really have another chart topping success outside of their groovy 'saltshaker' song, 'In The Summertime?' The eldest of the mini-Infidel daughters vehemently dislike this song because of the sexist attitude displayed within. Most people treat it as a mindless summer anthem, but the lyric "If her Daddy's rich,take her out for a meal. If her Daddy's poor, just do what you feel," really raises the hackles on feminists and caste system abolitionists alike. The girls asked me about their own Daddy and what kind of treatment they could expect on a date. Well, we're not rich or poor. We're just your average stuck-in-the-middle, run-of-the-mill, middle class folk. Mungo Jerry didn't even bother to share his sage words of advise for us middle class people. Whatever shall we do without his prophetic guidance and counsel? I told my girls that we could play a rousing game of fill in the blank. So now, whenever we hear the song played on the radio, we sing it various ways. Including:
"If her Daddy's middle class, she'll have a moustache!" (we can't afford electrolysis:(
"If her Daddy's middle class, you can pass some gas!"
"If her Daddy's middle class, take her out to Dumass!"(<------a local taco place)
Want to know my innermost secret that's filled me with guilt and shame since childhood? It all stems from the country crossover song, "The Devil Went Down To Georgia." When that cocky young Johnny accepts the fiddle throwdown challenge from the Devil, I silently cheer for the Devil. Yes, it's true, I'm one of Satan's Cheerleaders. I can't help it, the Devil's sassy contribution to the fiddle faceoff is smoking hot and dare I say, downright sexy? Whereas, to my ears, Johnny really doesn't demonstrate a fiddle hoedown mastery on a level much above that of a paunchy Oak Ridge Boys cover band playing at a high school square dance. I prefer Devil Food cake over Angel Food cake too. My soul is doomed.

I'm a little musical conundrum. Yes, I am! Resting next to my dark and broody NIN and Korn CD's, Dan Fogelberg's smiling face provides a stark contrast. I adore him. Anyway, my mom harbored a strange fixation for Butter Rum candies; constantly lining our candy dish with them. For years, I sang along with Dan's "Leader Of The Band," wrongly crooning, "And the BUTTER RUMS in my instrument, and a song is in my soul." I always contemplated how messy it must be to play an instrument stuffed full of butter rum candies, but never did I think that I understood the lyrics wrong. Turns out, they read, "And the BLOOD runs through my instrument." Well, that's just downright icky. What? Does Dan know of some kind of Texas Chainsaw Massacre Marching Band? No, I'll always prefer to think of sweet little butter rum yummies nestled up inside their instrument of choice.

It took 20 years and the enlisted aid of an Internet lyrics page to decipher what the heck Chrissy Hynde is belting out in her strangely pitched voice. You know that song, "Back On The Chain Gang?" There's a verse that goes, "Brings me to my knees when I see what they've done to you." I've sung it as "Bring me some MAYONNAISE when I see what they've done to you," for two whole freakin decades! I mean, I like mayonnaise as much as the next gal, but I thought professing a love for the creamy condiment in the middle of a serious song seemed misguided.

And finally, an original lite rock favorite from the original lite rock artist . Not even "I'd Really Love To See You Tonight," could escape my befuddled lyric interpretation skills. When England Dan tells his lady love, "I'm not talkin bout movin in, and I don't want to change your life," I instead heard it as "I'm not talkin bout the LINENS." I just naturally assumed that maybe they had a big blowout fight over the messy linen closet like the one I witnessed my mom and stepdad having. As I got older, I then wondered if possibly an angry spat erupted from one of them messing up freshly laundered sheets with menses or clumpy chest hair. Maybe 'Linen' was code for coming home snockered and three sheets to the wind? Clearly, all the musicians above could benefit from a stint at The Eliza Doolittle School Of Enunciation.

Now your big chance has arrived to gain sympathy amongst those of us suffering from immense music dorkiness too. Share your own favorite misheard song lyric or stroy right here, right now!


Kimberly said...

I love "In the Summertime", simply love the grooviness of it.

Thank you once again for undertaking to broaden my musical horizons. I bow down before your Guru-ness.

shay said...

Wow! You were allowed to listen to a whole lot of stuff the was just off limits to me:( Sad but true. Mom and dad kept me sweet and clean lol.
Thanks for clearing up the Summertime words for me on my blog though. they have eluded me for years!

Jean Knee said...

So many things come to mind, where to start. Never knew who sang that song or what any of the words were but more importantly what is on that mungo guys face? Huge sideburns or some kind of beardlette?
Never speak of menses
We'll never really know the words to any songs without printed lyrics because all musicians are guttersnipes
You do keep us on our toes

Tori :) said...

I love The Devil Went Down to Georgia! I also love whatever song is playing right now. I'm so uncool. I need to hang with you so maybe some of your radness will rub off.

Elizabeth-W said...

I have more songs than I care to list here that I have gotten wrong. In fact, I'd say that unless it's a church hymn, I assume I've got wrong words to everythng.
3 year old just saw your goat, and she looked at it for a second, confused, and then just busted a gut laughing!

jams o donnell said...

Desmond DekKer's Israelites as "me ears are alight" There were a couple of great ads for Maxell tapes featuring Israelites and Into the Valley by the Skids

PJ said...

On a single's float trip way back in the day, a handsome tall fun guy sang "The Devil went down to Georgia" word for word, to a large crowd of admiring singles. I fell in love with him in that very moment, and we have now been married 10+ years. My knees still buckle when he sings it to our girls smiling faces!!

Here's a lyric: "There's a bad Moon on the Rise" I always heard "There's a bathroom on the right"

b. said...

I thought the same thing about the linens. I thought perhaps when he came for a sleepover he brought his own linens and now wanted to not only bring his linens but everything else. Yeah....I thought it all outr.

Suzanne said...

I like Dan Fogelberg too. Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain is my favorite by him.

I did a post awhile back on misheard lyrics. You can read it here if you like! :)

Suzanne said...

Oh wait, I just saw that you had commented on that post so you've already seen it! LOL! :D

BarnGoddess said...

Every time I hear "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" I think about John Travolta in 'Urban Cowboy'

get off that bull right now!

Isaura said...

HAHA. i love the line
"If her Daddy's middle class, she'll have a moustache!"
Or what about a goatee or beard because that is what this mexican has. My sisters and I have suffered with manly facial hair our entire lives and OUCH electrolysis hurts.

aubrey said...

ah. you are brimming with musical knowledge. i love it. and darn i can't think of a song off the top of my head. and darn again that i did something wrong while trying to click on the dan fogelberg track and it scrolled out of control all the way to bone thugs n harmony.

i'm a lyric crazy. if i have no idea what they're saying, i'll head on over to the trusty ol' internet. BEFORE that? push pause or stop on the tape recorder. rewind. play. stop. rewind. i really had to know the right words if i was going to sing along so religiously.

don't worry, i'll think of a song whose lyrics i've botched all these years. some neil diamond, 3 dog night, or moody blues song. i'll have to change the radio from my dance station to the smooth rock station that my mom force fed us growing up.

Sketchy said...

Ahhh my favorite misheard lyric is INXS "So slide over here, and give me a doughnut..." We still sing it that way just because its fun.

My younger brother was purer than I was. While I was praising MTV in all it's glory, he was signing along to "I want my, I want my, I want my MTC."

elasticwaistbandlady said...

The Smiling Infidel experienced some technical difficulties yesterday that shut everything down most of the day. You guys have heard about the storms sweeping through Texas and Oklahoma, right? We got hit yesterday pretty hard and it knocked out our Internet. Then, I'm using a different computer that Papi just set up. It crashed last night. :( Hey jams, it crashed while loading your page.

I'm laughing at all the comments, especially your INXS doughnut thing, sketchy. Isaura, I'm not Mexican, but I got a Pancho Villa stache. My sons have blondish hair on their arms and normal eyebrows while my daughters have hairy backs, furry eyebrows, and gorilla arms. It's so not fair! We call one daughter 'Caterpillar' because of her fuzzy brows. To the other ones we sing a little JT. "You've got a hairy back. Yeah!"

If you haven't already done it, go check out Mungo Jerry's sweet vid. He looks like something out of PLanet Of The Apes, and I don't think that was his intention at all. Didn't they have stylist people back then?

Toni said...

Hmmm... no Sonny and Cher??? I guess I stand alone~ I knew the eldest was a genius!

Melissa said...

Culture Club - Karma Chameleon...
I thought he said... Every day is my survival... you're my lover, not my BIBLE.
Yeah. Not quite. Sorry to hear about the storms. That sucks. Glad you still got your good mail though :)

Annie said...

English is such an ugly language. I've been helping Mini Me with her "sh" sound and "rrr" sound. Both require sticking your lips out in an ugly way...

I'm not going to write anymore, I think I can turn this comment into a full blown post. Check my blog for more later.

Demosthenes said...

Age makes me completely unqualified to say anything of intelligence about any of the mentioned topics.

Carrot Jello said...

"Butter Rums in my instrument" Hey, now there's a good hiding place for my candy. In the gee-tar.

Chris said...

NIN I can understand. But Korn? Jonathan Davis is nothing more than a whiny and incoherent wacko who is the spitting image of Lil Jon if only he were white and minus the mightily silly braces and gold plated Big Gulp cup.

I say all that because I used to like Korn, too. But I still love Corn!

compulsive writer said...

Have you heard Dan Fogelberb's Christmas CD? It's a family favorite. I know my kids will remember forever the grand entrance into the living room on Christmas morning to the tune of "I Saw Three Ships." Among others.

No Cool Story said...

I'm Mexican and I got a Pedro Sanchez mustache (vote for Pedro)

Fogelberg's last name just makes me laugh. And I can't even say it,

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...


OK, that's what my Mia Maid leader used to think ED & JFC were saying in their song. "I'm not talkin bout the linens..." - she thought it meant that they weren't talking about having sex. In bed, where there were linens (supposedly). And I was JUST thinking about her and that song today because of my Food Storage Monday. HOW WEIRD.

I would have goosebumps about it, but I'm too busy laughing at the "if her daddy's poor, take the chick out and beat her with a rubber spatula if that's what you feel like doing" lyric. "Just do what you feel," my big butt. Those Mungo Jerry people need to be slapped.

If her daddy's rich, make sure you call him Mitch.
If her daddy's a drooler, bring along your thread spooler.
If her daddy's insane, bring along a spare brain.

carronin said...

I know it had to be wrong but I always heard " Blinded by the light,wrapped up like a douche, another rumor in the night." In Manfred Mann's Blinded by the light.
The actual lyrics are " Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night."

elasticwaistbandlady said...

Hey Carronin, I almost forgot one of my favorites. I always sung Crystal Gayle's song as "DONUTS make my brown eyes blue." As a kid I could never understand why my eyes were still brown when I consumed a massive amount of donuts.

Millie- My daddy is nice.
If her daddy's nice, you can share head lice.

Physcokity said...

I can't stop laughing long enough to input on this

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