Monday, August 06, 2007

Better Never Sing 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot' To Heather, Because She Will!

Every since my oldest mini-Infidel and I heard news reports about the former Mrs. McCartney, Heather Mills, savagely beating Sir Paul over the head with her prosthetic leg in a fit of rage, we've worked it into an endless amount of jokes. (I bet 64 year old Paul never anticipated this turn of events when he wrote his song 'When I'm 64)

Our favorite? Well, whenever the radio plays 'Legs' by the legendary bearded H-Town band, ZZ TOP, we start giggling about Heather Mills. I always thought that song trite and stupid. I mean, I've got legs, and I'd venture to say that the overwhelming majority of women do. Do I know how to use them? Certainly I do. To stroll to the counter at the Donut Shop. To chase my laughing mini-Infidels in an effort to recapture my bra that they're wearing as a hat. To conduct human hair growth experiments to see how long the leg hair gets in between shavings. For serious things too, like putting both legs in so I can do the Hokey-Pokey and turn myself around. There's just no limit to the uses for my lower limbs.

So, um, Heather Mills also has legs, prosthetic or otherwise, and boy, does she know how to use them! We silently dedicate 'Legs' to Heather each time we hear it, and we even have our own made-up choreography where we flail our arms up and down in a chopping motion. Maybe she was really influenced by John Mellencamp's song 'Get A Leg Up,' well, before she brought it crashing down on a Wing-less man.

(In case anyone thinks I'm grossly insensitive, I thought Heather did an amazingly fantastic job on Dancing With The Stars)

22 comments:

PJ said...

Hi! Am I really first?

PJ said...

I had to hurry and get a leg up, and be the first to post.

Heather bugged me on dancing with the stars.

on.the.run said...

I love humor at the expense of the disabled, it is a twisted weakness. Too too funny.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

on the run- Okay, there's rules, you know. I don't generally ever make fun of anyone disabled. It's only acceptable to mock people who use their artificial limbs to beat their spouse with.....that's just good comedic opportunity right there.

PJ!- I admire her for her charitable good works and poise given her loss of a leg. That probably translated into me rooting for her. Everyone loves an Underdog.

Tori :) said...

If I had a prothstetic leg my thighs would be much smaller than they are right now...
My brother and I actually got into a fight because I said "Leggs" was a stupid song. It is. And you just proved my point. I shall forward him your post. ;)

jams o donnell said...

So Heather Mills tried to brain Macca? Perhaps she was in a bad mood and Paul said he fancied a "leg over" - so sh obliged by giving him a leg over - his head as it plummeted downwards that is.

Gah I've milked that one too!

aubrey said...

i've never heard this story of heather before. i never looked at people with prosthetic limbs and considered it as a secret weapon. i will see them differently now.

Lisa said...

Yikes. I never would have thought of the leg as a weapon!

It was rumored that ZZ Top had a home in a neighborhood nearby our ward building growing up. I always thought that was cool, but that was when people thought ZZ Top was cool. And funny, I never really thought about the words to "Legs". Seems stupid now.

Hooray for the Hokey Pokey!

Elizabeth-W said...

The Hokey Pokey! Ha Ha Ha!!!

Jean Knee said...

I went to a zz top concert with my bro- does that make me kewwwl?

omar said...

How often does that song get played?!

In any case, next time I hear it, I will now also think about Heather Mills. And possibly about your hairy legs.

Amber said...

That song will never be the same for me again.

Oh wait. I never listened to it in the first place.

Raesha D said...

Oh my gosh!!! I can't STAND Heather:):) Never mind that my blog is named "My Love" after Paul's beautiful song for the Lovely Linda and that I consider myself one of the biggest Beatles fans around. I adored Linda. Heather bugged me from the get go...I tried, really really tried to like her cause if my Paul loved her then I suppose I could at least like her. I ran around saying "told you so", "told you so" every chance I got when they separated. I watched DWTS only to see her (but then got hooked) - I admit she was good on the show, but those clunky horrid shoes she wore for the jive still bug me....oh my, I really have some pent up venom towards her!!!

wynne said...

That is a wonderful story about the legs! How did I miss it? I would love to beat someone with a prosthetic leg! It fits the song much better than what I used to envision when I heard it--spiders. See? Not nearly as funny. Thanks for the new mental image.

Dan said...

Ok, now that the Chemical Brothers scared the living crap out of me and my cat, I can comment on this blog.

Um ... actually ... I can't. Still shaking. Must remember to mute the sound when visiting blogs. :)

Kayelyn said...

I'm trying to stop laughing at Dan's comment so I can post what I was thinking of posting.

Right on! I use my legs for the same things you do. So of course I know how to use them. They are also useful for kicking smart-a teens in the be-hind as they try to run away after poking fun at a crippled mom (that'd be me)

Heather, who? Paul I know. Heather, nope- guess not- but that leg story was kinda funny.

Suzanne said...

Elasic, I'm never going to be able to listen to "Legs" the same way again! LOL! :D

Annie said...

I will take your insensitivity and raise you one more.

She may have "legs and she knows how to use them," but what is she going to do about those saggy boobs?

(Made ya look!)

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

"When I come home at quarter to two, will you beat me with your peg leg?"

You really are eeeevillll. Beautiful but eeeevillll.

Bee said...

Funny, every time I heard Legs by ZZ I always thought about Kermit the frog, not sure why??

Have you ever eaten frog legs? I hear they taste like chicken!

Melissa said...

I love that you are teaching your mini infidels to have the same wicked sense of humor as yourself :)

Melody said...

Just when I think I have control over my bladder, I visit your blog and wet my pants . .. again.