Friday, July 13, 2007

Once Upon A Time, A Girl Infidel And A Boy Infidel Met And Fell Madly In Love

Just when I defiantly said, "That's it! I'm getting out of the MEME game forever!," someone went and pulled me back in. My tingling spidey senses tell me that you're laughing at me, Millie. I'm only doing this because Toni asked demanded me to and she's one of my all-time favorite bloggy buddies. So here goes, 8 things about my sexi-Mexi Papi and me:

1. Like most tales of true love, ours also has a soaring and unforgettably sweet beginning. We shared our first date at Pancho's Mexican Buffet on the very day when Kurt Cobain's bloated body was discovered and news of his death blanketed all the media. Tres romantique, no? And here's where I wrote a post about it using only Nirvana song titles.

2. Our special, special love song is Adina Howard's 'Freak Like Me.' I used to sing it to Papi while gyrating around seductively. In my maternity overalls. At 9 months pregnant. I modified the words to accommodate Papi since he really isn't a "roughneck n**ga" kind of guy. I instead sing it as "I need a REDNECK BROTHER that can satisfy me." Changing words to classic songs just for my Papi because that's how much I love him.

3. Shortly after we met, I used my genetically superior rolled tongue to show Papi how astoundingly far I could spit watermelon seeds. One seed veered a little off course and smacked Papi right in the middle of his forehead where it stuck. Our eyes met, and Papi professed, "I must have you and make you mine." True story.

4. We're musically incompatible and I've never matured past the 'LOUDER! LOUDER! LOUDER!' speaker volume phase. Papi often times comes home to yell out "Turn down that music, girlie. It sounds like a freakin cantina in here!" I tease him about one day opening my own Cantina and calling it The Freakin Cantina.

5. My Spanish sucks. My in-law's English sucks. I credit this for avoiding any major family melees over the past 13 years.

6. I'm the resident Infidel prankster around here. One time I thought it would be hysterically funny to stand up on the toilet seat while 7 months pregnant to look down on Papi showering and then throw a cup of cold water on him. Ummm, I did, and the toilet seat broke sending me careening into the shower, curtain and all. As I laid there stunned, fully clothed, getting pelted with water, and wrapped up in the fallen shower curtain, all Papi could say was, "What happened? What happened? What the Hell just happened?" I never did that stupid thing again.

7. When people talk about fears of Mexicans taking over the United States, Papi just laughs and tells me that they've already conquered us with love by marrying up the white gringos/gringas. He does have a point there. Conquistadors Of Love!

8. Papi delivered Melody, the youngest of the mini-Infidels, himself when the midwife didn't make it on time. Yes, he really did.

Papi's an optimist. I'm a pessimist. Papi says "BUTCH UP, girlie!" when I whine. Papi says "With faith in God and hard work, nothing is impossible!" Papi's motivated. I'm prone to extreme bouts of laziness and procrastinating. Papi's a classic Type A. I'm a classic Type B. Papi's the no-nonsense disciplinarian. I'm the official nagger/arbitrater/candy briber/threatener. My approach doesn't work as well. Papi's righteous and churchy. I'm much less so. We've made a great partnership for 13 years, though. Oh, and I never feel like I have to hide the fact that I'm using the toilet from him by running water or anything else. Poop freedom- that's the secret to a long and happy marriage.


Elizabeth-W said...

Don't give up on the old "cold water while someone's in the shower" trick"!!! Get a step-stool. That is always good for a laugh. And it keeps everyone on his/her toes--that keeps excitement in a marriage, I think.
(the mental image of Papi saying 'what happened? over and over again has me laughing)

Toni said...

Hilarious! I loved it and I am smiling ear to ear! I will have a good day now!

Thank you, and I will never tag you again. Well, maybe. Wait and see.

p.s.- I emailed you! :) said...

Poop freedom huh - when I am on the crapper Simon will sit in the bedroom shouting "ARE YOU POOPING IN THERE?" untill I feel so uncomfortable about it that that 'poopin feelin' goes away. NOT COOL!

Sketchy said...

"Poop Freedom" is the key to long and happy marriages? And here I thought it was separate blankets...

I'm so glad you played this meme game! This was a good one.

BarnGoddess said...

awwww your Papi sounds like a great husband.

I especially liked the watermelon seed story :)

Jean Knee said...

ahhh, I was staring to think you might be, just a tad bit, hard as#ed but you are really a gushy romantic under all that infidel-ness

omar said...

Is it a coincidence that the one he delivered was the last one?

Melissa said...

I would love to go to your Freakin Cantina, but can I get my Margarita sans tequila... I'm a mean drunk.

Kimberly said...

Okay, laughing hysterically is such a great way to start the day - thanks!

mcewen said...

I wonder how much 'truth or dare' is involved in these memes?

b. said...

I loved reading this....thanks for giving in.

Tori :) said...

I LOVED your answers! You are so entertaining. Much more interesting than my answers- but no picture with TP up your nose...

Suzanne said...

How sweet with #3 and funny with #6! That would be so scary to deliver a baby so props to your hubby for that one! Thanks for sharing! :)

jams o donnell said...

How romantic ewbl! So Cupid ran out of arrows and used the watermelon seeds instead? if I poured cold water onto the not wife as she showered I would be flensed!

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I have to disagree with Elizabeth's comment. If Bri decided it would be funny to dump cold water on me while I was in the shower, he would draw back a bloody stump.

OK, I love the watermelon seed story. No man has ever said "I must have you and make you mine" to me before. Although I'm guessing Bri has probably thought it. :)

(snickering oh so slightly at you giving in)

Radioactive Jam said...

Suggestion for your next shower prank: garden hose. WAY more effective than a mere cup, plus you can direct the stream over the top so "no climbing."

Hmmm... now I remember! I used the garden hose in response to someone who dumped a cup of cold water on me during *my* shower.

Retaliation-in-kind is for wimps. Full-up nucular response! That's what I do.

Your monkeys may vary of course.

Dan the Echo Boomer said...

heh. poop freedom made me imagine the tiananmen square massacre taking place over an entirely different issue.

Melody said...

I can't make any jokes - reading this just made me feel warm and fuzzy. Good love is hard to find.

Seriously. That's all.

Burg said...

Those are great! Poop freedom really is the secret to a good marriage..

Carrot Jello said...

I've seen this post, somewhere beforrrre. It seems I've read this post beforrrrre.

Nancy Face said...

I loved #3 and #6, so fun! And poop freedom is huge in our marriage...I'm not kidding.

Anonymous said...

Can we reinact your gyratitions to freak like me? That needs to be on you tube right away! Funny funny.

Lauren said...

Poop Freedom...I will keep that in mind while searching for an eternal companion.

carronin said...

I adore falling in love stories. Thanks for sharing.

Julie said...

Just for "I've lost...that pooooopin' feeee-uh-lin. Whoa that poopin' fee-uh-lin. I've lost that poopin feelin' cuz it's gawn, gawn, gawn, whoa whoa woe...."

I hear you on that poop freedom, my friend. You know you've found your true love when you can poop with the bathroom door open.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

ELIZABETH- That was so yesterday, and we've all moved other tricks! Hiding under the bed so I can grab Papi's ankles and scare him never gets old! Although, it does squish the chestage a bit.

toni!- MEME's make me feel so exposed. Now everybody knows that I'm a champion watermelon seed spitter and they're going to feel intimidated by me.

on the run- Papi waits to shout that until I'm on the phone with somebody. We're so mature.

sketchy- His And Hers separate bathrooms is the stuff that for all time and eternity dreams are made of. That's our ultimate goal.

barn goddess- Just because I spit seeds doesn't make me seedy!

jean knee- I can't wait for our 50th wedding anniversary party when they play our special song. Do you think 70 will be too old to shake it to 'Freak Like Me?'

omar- Papi has his heart set on a dozen kids and delivering Melody just furthered his grand ambitions because it raised his Daddy Confidence level to soaring new heights.

melissa- Only Shirley Temples for you, ma'am!

mcewen- I would never involve Madonna's nasty book in my MEME!

b.- You don't think less of me for giving in and not holding out longer? I don't want to be perceived as one of those 'easy' blogger gals.

tori- My mom always said 'everything in its place.' That being said, you don't really want to see any toilet paper pictures from us.

suzanne- He WASN'T scared at all! After that, the big joke at church was that if any of the pregnant sisters couldn't make it to the hospital that Papi would be on maternity call.

jams- Cupid? Pshaw! I got it all over him and I looked better half-naked. Notice the past tense form of look?

millie- I'm so ashamed at how easy I am.

RAJ- Why not just go for the pressure washer?

Dan- I wave my brown Poop Freedom flag with pride! Admittedly it doesn't smell very good, though. I'm listening to Keane now. Does that make me less of an awesome person in your eyes?

Melody- Love is a many splendored thing and I'm pretty grateful for Papi whisking me away from the family chaos I grew up in and providing an environment of stability for our own children that include a solid foundation in the Gospel.

burg- I can't imagine having to 'contain' myself because I didn't want my husband to think of me as un-ladylike. I can bring home the bacon....Fry it up in a pan....and then have raging diarrhea from the grease....because I'm a WOMAN!

carrot- Never, I'm all original, all the time! How dare you accuse me of blog retread!

nancy face- Sometimes we discuss poop at great length. Kid poop, dog poop, our poop. Come on, everybody does it and we'd all be miserable if we couldn't. Celebrate Poop Freedom!

anonymous- I'd rather remain one of life's best kept secrets. How would I handle the adoring fans?

laura- It should make Neil Clark Warren's eharmony list of 21 points of compatibility!

carronin- You got your Yul Brenner story and I got mine of Papi pretending to pick imaginary fleas out of my hair during church. LOVE!

julie- We carry entire conversations while roosting. Our time together is very important, why waste it?

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Wow, look at you, answering all those comments. You must be exhausted. Care for a Tootsie Roll?

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Perhaps a Baby Ruth? Or a chocolate-covered Payday bar?

Amber said...

You can let Papi know "Butch up, girly" is my new mantra in life.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

millie- I AM exhausted. I got a fever and only Junior Mints and popcorn is the cure!

amber- He stole that from me! His accent makes it 99.9% sexier than when I say it, though.

aubrey said...

ok so i KNOW everyone has already commented on the poop freedom thing and all that.
BUT. when paul was single one of his friends gave him this piece of advice:
"If you're dating a girl that you really like and you think you want to marry her, if you CAN'T picture her straining to taking a crap on the toilet, DO NOT MARRY HER."

nice, huh? and paul loves to repeat it to random people he meets. it's just great.

Julie said...

I found the perfect card to give my hubby for our anniversary the other day. I even thought of you as I bought it. It reads "Happy Anniversary . . . To the one who's seen me on the toilet and loves me anyway." said...

ROFL. And I NEVER say that.

We'll open up a Freakin' Cantina together and we'll be able to do whatever we want because both our husbands will stay away and rock in their rocking chairs with their grandfather sweaters and shawls tucked nicely around them. My man is always complaining that my music is too loud and my music is your music.